


Faces From The Past

by shot_gun_shuts_his_cakehole



Category: Supernatural
Genre: British Men of Letters, Emotionally Hurt Dean, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Sam, Hurt Sam, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2018-10-12 23:45:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 70,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10501965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shot_gun_shuts_his_cakehole/pseuds/shot_gun_shuts_his_cakehole
Summary: Sam starts to get suspicious when he and Dean are working with the British Men of Letter's. After sneaking around the BMoL base, Sam discovers that not only is Jess back from the dead but she's also working with the British chapter. What happened with Jess and why is she working with the BMoL? Whatever it is, it has something to do with Sam and Dean is determined to find out what.





	1. The Things We Find

They'd been working with the Brit's for a couple of weeks now. Sam wasn't all that thrilled to be working with them, even if he had been the one to agree to it in the first place - even if he had been the one to talk Dean into working with them too. Sam saw it as a necessary inconvenience. Sam didn't trust them and he probably never would, but the resources and knowledge they had were undeniable.

Dean had asked Sam to pick a side and he had. Although Dean might not have seen it that way, Sam was picking Dean. Sam hadn't tried to run from hunting in a long time and he had given up on the idea of a normal life, but what Mary had said, resonated with Sam. It wasn't Mary saying that it could help them to get out of the life, Sam didn't care about that anymore, it was the idea of being safe. Sam had lost count of the times he'd had to face losing his brother and they'd both lost so many loved one's over the years. Sam was painfully reminded about the dangers of the job when Dean had been targeted by that witch, all too recently. He'd watched his brother gradually forget everything until he slowly started to disappear all together. Sam had meant what he said, watching his brother slowly become 'not Dean' anymore had been worse than seeing him die violently. It was worse because, even when it all hit the fan, his brother always stayed true to himself till his dying breath. So seeing his brother lose who he was had broken Sam's heart.

Sam could live without an apple pie life and he could even live without Dean when it came down to it, he'd been forced to before. Yeah, it was possible for Sam to live without Dean, he just didn't want to. He didn't want to live in a world where is brother wasn't around watching his back, being is partner, best friend and brother, all in one. They knew enough to know that they were just better together. They were better hunters, better brother's, made better choices and were just better people on the whole. Sam had gone without Dean by his side before and he'd rather spend an eternity in the cage again, than lose Dean. The first time he'd been away from Dean was easier. It was Stanford. Sam at least known that Dean was alive and doing what he loved. Sam had felt like a part of him was missing, having Dean not be with him, especially because they'd lived in each other's pockets their whole lives, but having Jess there to hold his hand had made things easier. It also helped that Sam was kind of angry at Dean back then too. The anger subsided over the years but at first, Sam had felt like Dean had chosen their father. When Sam applied to Stanford, it wasn't to get away from Dean. He didn't mind the space away from the constant fights with John, but it was never to get away from his brother. In Sam's head, Stanford wouldn't be the end of the relationship with his family. Sam knew their dad would be pissed, but he never expected Dean to cut ties. He thought he'd go off to Stanford and have Dean constantly calling him and dropping by whenever he was near, so when their dad had said what he did, Sam was floored when Dean stood back and did nothing. He was heartbroken that his dad at told him that if he went, he was to stay gone. His heart was shattered when he looked to his big brother to have his back and to have Dean look away. So Sam had stormed off, convinced Dean had chosen John and abandoned him just because he dared to go to college. He was hurt that Dean wasn't proud. When he eventually got to Stanford, he got angrier every day that Dean didn't call. The anger helped Sam in a way, gave him the fire not to turn around and find his family again, but instead, do what he wanted to do. Over the years at Stanford, Sam's anger and hurt faded as he began to see things differently. Sam had felt betrayed when Dean stood with John, but Sam realised that Dean saw it as Sam abandoning him, just like Sam felt like he'd been abandoned for making his own choices. He also realised that the time's he spent angry that Dean never even bothered to call, to check he got their safe - he hadn't picked up the phone either. The Winchester's were stubborn through and through. Sam realised that Dean was probably feeling similar to himself. Hurt and angry, waiting for Sam to make the first move. The brother's stubbornness stopped any moves towards reconciliation from happening. By the time Sam started to see things clearer, he'd spent two years away from his family and he had Jess in his life.  

The minute Sam met Jess, all that he wanted to do was talk to Dean. Jess was amazing. She had brains and beauty, was both caring and funny. Dean would have been impressed that a girl like Jess had fallen for Sam. Sam knew that they'd have gotten along too. Jess would have put Dean and his tasteless jokes, in their place, but they'd have become friends, Sam was sure of it. Sam so wanted the two most important people in his life, to meet. But by time his anger had subsided, it seemed like too much had happened, like there was no way back. So when he broke into the apartment, Sam had been afraid. Afraid that leaving with Dean would mean leaving Jess and Stanford behind, but also afraid that letting Dean go alone would mean that there was no turning back for the brother's. Then everything that happened after, happened and Sam and Dean were brothers again. 

That was the first taste of life without Dean for Sam and it was painful but nothing prepared him for the second time. The time Dean sold his soul for Sam and was tortured in hell.

When Jess had died, Sam thought nothing would ever be as painful as the pain he felt at watching Jess burn, until Dean had been ripped apart by hell hounds. The pain of Dean's death was a pain unmatched by the trials or Lucifer's torture. It was complete hopelessness, a total lack of emotion, a stabbing pain in his chest and a guilt so profound that he felt like he was being crushed by it. He'd been a mess. An alcoholic, suicidal grieving, mess. He'd been the perfect target for Ruby. He had hit rock bottom, any sense he had, had gone. He'd lost himself completely in a way that was unfixable, even when Dean returned. 

He'd almost ended the world.

When Dean took on the mark and died at the hands of Metatron, Sam knew there was nothing he wouldn't do the bring him back and Dean did come back. He just hadn't planned on his brother being a demon. Having Dean become a demon brought Sam a whole new kind of loss. Nothing could be worse than his protective big brother becoming a demon. A demon that tried to kill him with a hammer. Seeing Dean aim a hammer at his head, was an image Sam would never forget - even if it wasn't really Dean. It took a while for Sam to stop flinching whenever Dean made any sudden movement near him or for Sam to not almost jump out of his skin when he bumped into his brother in the hallways of the bunker.

Losing Dean in a whole new way, made Sam even more determined to hold onto his brother with all of his strength. So when he realised he was losing his brother to the mark, he was prepared to do whatever it took to save him, world be damned.

It was clear that without each other, the brother's did stupid stuff. Like forcibly shoving an angel in the other's body, or unleash the the darkness on the world. 

They were better together. 

Without Dean, life wasn't worth living and Sam was sure he'd probably only end up screwing up the rest of the world by doing something stupid to get him back. 

That's why he had agreed to work with them. To save Dean and in turn, save himself. 

The British Men of Letter's may have been shifty as hell, but they were good at what they did. The idea of wiping out all of the dangerous creatures that were hurting people across America, should seem improbable and far fetched, but the British Men of Letter's actually made it seem possible and likely.

So Sam had picked a side and he'd picked Dean. He'd picked working with the bunch of ass's that had tortured him and that he didn't trust, as long as it meant getting rid of the creature's that constantly threatened to kill his big brother.

Sam also knew that there was a part of him that was desperate to gain his mother's approval and to spend more time with her, even if was through working with the British chapter.

The role he and Dean had taken in regards to Mary was unexpected. When they were growing up, Dean had hung onto John's every word. He'd have followed him off the edge of a cliff. He'd had unwavering trust in him. Sam was different. Sam saw John's flaws, resented them and refused to fall in line as a result. Constantly fighting for his voice and rebelling against his father's. Dean had opened his eye's to more of John's flaws after his death and would now admit that he wasn't exactly the father of the year, but back then, not a bad word could be said about their dad where Dean was concerned.

Sam however, saw the way John had neglected and mistreated them from the start and there had been times when Sam felt like he couldn't stand to be around John. Sam loved his dad, but there was a part of him that hated him too. The fact that Sam loved John only made the way he treated the brother's worse in Sam's head. The hurt and frustration he felt towards his dad also meant that he could never bite his tongue around him. Dean always ended up being the mediator between Sam and their Dad.

Considering how much Dean had idolized the idea of Mary that he had from when he was four, Sam would have expected it to be similar with their mom, but the roles had actually reversed. Although Sam had been hurt to find out that Mary had worked with the organisation who had physically and psychologically tortured him, he was so quick to let it go. If he was honest with himself, Sam would probably have forgiven Mary even if she'd been the one on the other end of that blow torch, but Dean was a different story. He seemed to be clearly aware of Mary's short comings and he wasn't so quick to want to forgive or forget. Dean wasn't afraid to voice his anger and frustration towards Mary either. What he wasn't so quick to show was the hurt that he felt, but Sam saw it anyway because he knew Dean. So the role's had reversed and he'd become the mediator. Perhaps it was because of the similarities that Dean and Mary shared. Sam had been compared to John by a lot of people. Sam had never seen it, never wanted to see it, but others had. Maybe it was their similarities that caused them to clash so badly and when Mary had returned, Sam saw how alike Dean and Mary were. Maybe they clashed for the same reason Sam and John did, because they were so much alike.

Dean had wanted Sam to pick a side, but again, what he didn't seem to realize was that he was always on Dean's side. It was for Dean as much as it was himself. He tried to play the middle with Dean and Cas because Cas is Dean's best friend and the closest person he has beside's Sam. Sam didn't want them to fight and avoid making up because they were both too stubborn to make the first move. Dean needed Cas. Sam was just trying to get Dean to see Cas' side of things. To show Dean that Cas was only trying to save their lives, something that Dean had done a thousand times.

Sam also knew what it was like to argue with a parent and to cut off ties with them. Sam had spent years away from his family at Stanford and although he cherished the memories from Stanford with Jess and his friends, he often wished he could get that time back with his family.

Sam had been willing to freeze Mary out for a while because he was hurt too, but unlike Dean, Sam was not open to cutting off ties with Mary permanently. Sam had felt so much guilt after their dad died. He'd hated himself for picking a fight with John right before they lost him. He'd had to come to terms with that being the last thing that happened between them and it'd been tough. He didn't want that for Dean. Sam prayed to a God he was all too aware, wasn't listening, that nothing bad happened to Mary, but Sam wasn't stupid. He knew there was no guarantee's with hunting and he didn't want something to happen to Mary in general, but he also didn't want Dean having to deal with the same regrets Sam had felt, if they did lose her. Sam wasn't playing the middle, he just wanted all of the people he cared about to be happy.

Especially Dean.

Sam hoped that Dean understood that. Dean had been a lot more accepting of working with British Men of Letters than he'd thought he would be, so he hoped that he did.

The only problem was, that after working with the British Men of Letter's for only a couple of weeks, Sam was already starting to doubt his decision. The case with Claire had only made the, already existing bell ringing in his head, louder. Mick had killed that kid too. An innocent girl who was a victim, not a monster. Sam would always fight to save someone before having to kill them. He saw that the British Men of Letter's did not have the same ethics that he and Dean followed. Things were black and white for them and anything supernatural was to be killed. He wondered just how far that went.

Sam did however, see the good in Mick. He didn't seems as cold as Ketch and he genuinely seemed to want Claire to be okay. Sam didn't think Mick was a bad guy. He was just stuck in his ways. Years ago, Dean had believed that all supernatural creature's were evil, no exceptions too, but he'd realized that there was a grey area and had never looked back since. Sam thought he could see Mick coming around to their way of thinking, but Sam wasn't so sure about the rest of the organization. He was starting to think they were more trouble than they were useful. He hadn't told Dean because there hadn't been anything to tell him other than what he already knew. There hadn't been anything to suggest that the organisation was up to something other than hunting monster's, but it was a gut feeling.

Sam was the one who'd convinced Dean that working with them could be useful, so he didn't want to start spouting off to Dean about how he had a bad feeling about them.

Sam considered that he could be paranoid. He'd been burned once (literally) by the British Men of Letters and it was probably just that in the back of his head, along with the recent hunt, that was causing his concerns. Except, Sam knew not to ignore gut feelings and the images of the pale, lifeless body of an innocent girl clouded his head.

So that's what brought Sam to the British Men of letters base right now. He'd come over here on the pretense of visiting Mary.

It wasn't a complete lie because he did want to see his mom, but he also had plans to figure out if there was any real foundation for his doubts. He knew the British Men of Letter's were narrow sighted, but he needed to know if there were bigger worries for him and Dean to consider regarding the organization.

It stung a little when Sam thought about the fact that Mary was using the British Men of Letter's base as a home between hunts, instead of using the bunker, but Sam shook it off as he saw Mary approaching.

"Hey Sam", greeted Mary.

"Hey", replied Sam as Mary guided them through the entrance of the complex.

"I haven't long since got back from a hunt so I need to get cleaned up. Do you want to talk to Mick or something whilst I shower?" asked Mary, patting down her bloodied shirt.

This was easier than Sam had expected. He thought he'd have to use an excuse to separate from Mary for a little while and snoop around, but Mary was giving him an easy out.

"Is there a canteen or something in this place? I could really do with some food and coffee", questioned Sam earnestly.

"Yeah sure, I'll drop you off at the canteen, then go and clean up myself up and meet you back there", agreed Mary.

Mary guided Sam through the clinical corridors and Sam made sure to take note of the doors and signs they passed on the way. Mary finally stopped in front of a pair of metal doors, one propped open to reveal a canteen that actually reminded Sam of a very polished hospital canteen.

"I'll see you in a minute", smiled Mary.

Sam waited until Mary was out of sight before leaving the canteen. He made his way down the corridor and saw someone wearing a men of Letter's key card that he figured could probably get him in most parts of this base. As the employee got closer, Sam made a point of appearing to be focused on his phone.

"Geez, sorry! Wasn't looking where I was going", apologized Sam as he collided with the guy, swiping and pocketing the key card as he did.

"Who are you?" Queried the British man as he patted down his suit.

"I'm a hunter. A hunter who's working with you guys. I was just looking for a bathroom", explained Sam.

"We'll it's that way", told the man, begrudgingly.

"Thanks", smiled Sam as he quickly walked away from the man with the key card at the ready.

Sam hurried through the corridors and stopped outside a door. He saw rows of filing cabinets through the small window on the door. He swiped the card and the door clicked open.

Sam hurriedly picked the lock of one of the first cabinets he came too and flipped through the files. They seemed to be files on their employee's. Sam decided to look for the files of the employees that he knew; Ketch and Mick.

Sam pulled out Mick's file. Apparently he was a legacy. His father and grandfather both being Men of Letter's. He was a scholar. Studied Linguistics and Classics at Cambridge University in London. Sam wasn't especially surprised. Mick obviously wasn't one to get his hands dirty before their recent encounter, but he had the brains and that's how this organisation seemed to work. The likes of Mick would do the research and focus on the development of weapons, where as the likes of Ketch would do the dirty work.

Sam moved on to Ketch's file quickly, aware of the time he'd been gone. Ketch was a legacy too and in the beginning his father was the only reason he'd been apart of the organisation. There'd been concerns about him. Ketch had apparently shown signs of explosive and violent behavior from the start and the Men of Letter's had seen him as a liability, but his father was one of the most respected men of the organisation so they had trained him. Channeled his violence into hunting down supernatural creatures. According to the file, Ketch had exceeded their expectations and had become their most capable hunter. The British Men of Letter's had put him in charge of the field work, he was the head of their team of hunters and got results. He was smart too so he seemed to bridge the gap between their hunter's and the Men in suits. He was the only hunter to be apart of the higher management among the organisation.

Ketch's file was thick, full of notes and pictures from successful cases. Sam fanned through the gruesome photo's. Sam's eye's scanned the photos and his heart seemed to jump in his chest.

Sam recognized a young woman in one of the photos.

Magda.

Sam felt anger bubble up inside him. Ketch had killed Magda. An innocent human who just so happened to have psychic abilities. She may have hurt two people, but she never meant too. The poor girl was abused by her mother and was only trying to reach out for help. She didn't deserve this. Didn't deserve to be killed in some grimy rest stop bathroom. In the photo Magda was on the tiled floor, face slack and wearing a shocked expression. Blood pooled underneath her and a sickening bullet wound sat in the centre of her forehead.

Not wanting to look at the picture of Magda any longer, Sam looked through some of the others to see if he could find anymore damning evidence.

Sam found bloody photos of the guards from the prison they'd been kept it. All of them clearly dead. More of Ketch's handiwork. They weren't evil or monsters. They were just doing their jobs. As far as they were concerned, he and Dean were dangerous criminals. They had done nothing to warrant a death sentence.

Sam put aside the file, having seen enough. His curiosity peeked and he decided to look for a file on Toni. Just as he was about to close the J-N labelled cabinet, a file tab caught his attention. J.Moore. It was a coincidence, it had to be, so why did Sam's stomach feel like it was doing somersaults? To prove to himself that he was being crazy, Sam picked up the file and opened it.

A picture of a woman with blonde hair and blue eyes was stapled to the corner of some paper.

Jess.

She looked a little older than his Jess but it was her, none the less. As beautiful as ever with her eye's shining brightly, even in a photograph. Sam held his breath, mind foggy with confusion as the file slipped out of his hands, crashing and scattering the contents on the steel flooring. Sam quickly gathered the file and shoved Jess's and Ketch's file inside his coat as he made his way out of the room and back to the canteen.

As Sam walked the corridors, his mind went into overdrive. The file was Jess's and if it was real, she was alive and working with the British Men of Letters. It didn't make sense, it had to have been some kind of mistake. Jess had burned, he'd had no choice but to watch. Although Sam was more than aware that not everyone who died stayed dead, but Jess wasn't part of this world and if she'd have come back, surely he'd have know. This had to be some sort of sick ploy or she was a shapeshifter or something.

Sam didn't know what to think, but what he did know was that he needed Dean.

Sam walked through the doors of the canteen where Mary and Mick seemed preoccupied.

"Sam! You're here. Where were you?! I was starting to get worried?" queried Mary.

"Er sorry, I was just looking for a bathroom. I'm not feeling so good, feeling a little queasy. I think I'm gonna head back to the bunker, but you could always come too, mom", offered Sam, counting on the fact that she'd decline. Sam noticed Mick appraising him suspiciously.

"Thanks, Sam. I'd love to, it's just that I have a lot of work to do, but I'll drop by to see you and Dean soon, okay? Do you need me to drive you back?" asked Mary.

"No, I'm good", smiled Sam.

"Okay, well, I'll walk you to the car", told Mary.

Mick still looked suspicious so Sam was keen to get out of there before they figured out someone had been in their files.

Thankfully, he said goodbye to Mary and was back in the car in no time. Sam needed to get to the bunker. He needed Dean on this.

* * *

Dean sipped a cup of coffee in the kitchen as he waited for his brother to get back. Sam had gone to visit Mary and although Dean had made up with their mom and agreed to work with those pompous snobs, he wasn't ready to deal with them today. He had been up for giving Mick a second chance. Dean had similar views himself once upon a time and he knew people could change, but he still wasn't up for dealing with them at the minute. He was still angry. Sam had seemed pretty insistent on Dean resting anyway.

Dean had got a little scraped up in a recent vamp hunt. It was hardly any worse than Sam's bruises but Sam had told him he needed to rest. Cas was MIA at the moment so they had to rely on good old fashioned natural healing for their bumps and bruises.

So Dean had stayed back and had a, much needed, lie in before he got up and scoured the Internet in his dead man robe and a cup of coffee in hand.

The metal doors to the bunker clanged and soft footsteps made their way down the stairs.

"Hey Sammy, your back pretty quick...is everything okay?" frowned Dean.

Sam didn't answer. He barely seemed with it, his face was awash with about a million emotions.

"Sam?" Dean questioned seriously. Sam looked Dean in the eye and the look on Sam's face scared Dean.

"I...I wasn't exactly truthful about what I was doing today. I mean, I was going to see mom at the base, but I went with the idea of scoping the place...seeing if there was anything more off about them then we already knew" Admitted Sam.

"Weren't you the one who wanted to give them a shot in the first place? And you seemed up for giving Mick a second chance back on the case with Claire" reminded Dean.

"Yeah, but I think maybe Mick isn't the one we have to worry about. I figured I was probably being paranoid, but..I found something", explained Sam quietly as he took out the two files and dropped them onto the table.

Dean picked up the top file which belonged to Ketch.

"What's so interesting about this?" wondered Dean.

"The picture's in the back. Ketch killed Magda", told Sam.

"Magda? The psychic kid with the psycho mom?" asked Dean.

"Yeah, they killed her and those guards too. From our prison break", breathed Sam.

"But they were human...they weren't monster's", protested Dean.

"That's not all...look at the next file", told Sam with a shaky voice and pale demeanor.

Dean took notice of the other file for the first time and jerked his head back in a mixture of shock and confusion.

"J Moore?" Questioned Dean.

"Jess", stated Sam.

Dean flipped open the file, "Jesus it's actually her...have you looked through this?"

"Not properly. I snuck in when mom was getting cleaned up from a hunt. I was supposed to be in the canteen and I knew I didn't have long before someone came looking for me so I swiped it and made an excuse to leave.. this has to be some sort of mistake right? I mean you dragged me out of there, you saw Jess on the...you saw it happen too", stuttered Sam.

"Yeah, but look at mom. If this really is Jess, it's not exactly the first time someone we know has come back from the dead", reasoned Dean.

"But if it is Jess, who brought her back? And why would she be working with the British Men of Letter's, she wasn't apart of this life? Nothing about it makes any sense" argued Sam.

Dean gazed at Sam analytically. Sam could often remain level headed and pragmatic even in dire circumstances. Sam appeared to be trying to logically address this, but Dean sensed the hysteria in his voice. Dean may not have been apart of Sam's life whilst he was at Stanford, but he saw how much Sam had loved Jess. He had been planning to propose and this was definitely messing with his head.

"Okay, we don't know anything right now. Let's look through the file, it's pretty thick so it has to have some sort of information in it and then we can go from there", suggested Dean.

"Okay", nodded Sam.

* * *

Dean gently closed Jess's file. The file had provided some insight into what had happened. Jess had been brought back roughly 4 years after she had died. She'd woken up in a cemetery alone and 4 years older. The file had said they began training her after she was resurrected, but didn't give anymore information apart from he progress and success within the organization. That was all they knew. Sam and Dean still didn't know who had brought her back or how it came to be that she was working with the Brit's, but it definitely looked like Jess was back.

Dean looked at his little brother who was deep in thought.

"Sam?" asked Dean. Sam was too busy in his own head to hear Dean.

"Sammy! Earth to Sam!" Said Dean in a loud, but soft voice.

Sam turned his gaze towards Dean, his face a little blank.

"Sorry, I just...", trailed Sam.

"I know. We'll figure out what's going on", promised Dean.

Sam nodded but it wasn't very convincing.

"If she is back and she knows everything...she's going to hate me, Dean", stated Sam quietly as he inspected his hands.

"If she knows everything, she'll understand", told Dean.

"I knew what was out there and I just ignored it. I should have protected her Dean. She died because of me, how is she supposed to understand that?" Asked Sam with a tone that was thick with emotion.

Dean wasn't sure how to answer. He wanted to convince Sam that he wasn't to blame and that Jess would know that, but how could he really know how Jess would feel about it? Sam wasn't to blame, but when people are hurting, they can take that anger out on people who don't deserve it.

Dean was at a loss. He knew his brother and almost always knew what he needed. He usually knew how to ease whatever burden he was carrying, but in this situation, he was stuck. Dean was confused, so he could only imagine the storm of emotions Sam was experiencing. Dean knew that Sam had loved Jess. She'd been his ticket to a happy, normal life. When Jess died, Sam didn't just lose the woman he loved, but the possibility of living happily ever after away from the darkness that he was raised in, died too. Sam had never quite been the same after that. Now, it looked like Jess was back which was something Sam would have done anything for 12 years ago, but so many years had passed and nothing was the same. Dean wondered if Jess being alive, but still so completely out of reach would be even worse for his brother than her death. A reminder of what he lost and never got to have.

"Sam, you couldn't have known that those dreams were premonitions", reassured Dean, finally deciding on something to say.

"What do we do next?" asked Sam, deciding to drop the debate on Sam's fault in Jessica's death.

"We need to find out more. Do you think mom could help us? She's there all the time and has more chance of digging up more information without rousing suspicion", suggested Dean.

"I don't know, she might not be up for that", hesitated Sam.

"Fine we'll figure it out ourselves", agreed Dean, "Hey, maybe Cas can help? He might know if Jess is still in heaven or back down here. He might be able to find out what brought her back too".

"It couldn't hurt", agreed Sam.

* * *

Dean and Sam waited impatiently in the bunker for a while before Cas finally showed up. Dean had called Cas 7 times and left 5 messages before he finally answered. At first he'd said that he was busy, but after hearing Dean's pleading tone, had agreed to visit. Dean was convinced something was up with Cas. He was acting weird and wasn't around half of the time. It wasn't unusual for Cas to go off and for Sam and Dean to not know where he was, but the amount he'd been MIA recently, was unusual.

"Sam, Dean, is everything okay?" questioned Cas.

"Where have you been?!" demanded Dean.

"That is not important. Your messages and phone calls seemed urgent", noted Cas.

"Here", offered Dean, putting away the subject of Cas' absence until later.

Cas took the file and looked through it with a frown.

"Jessica Moore, isn't that Sam's college girlfriend?", asked Cas.

"Yeah, Jess. She died years ago, but according to the file she's been back for the past 8 years. We found the file in the British Men of Letter's base. She apparently works for them", explained Sam.

"Well I imagine this must be a shock for you, Sam, but I don't understand what you need my help with?" asked Cas.

"Well you're an angel so we thought you might know if she was brought back?" told Dean.

"If this is true, Jessica would have been resurrected some time between the seals being broken and Lucifer walking the Earth trying to bring about the apocalypse. I was very busy at the time so Jessica's soul being taken from heaven and brought back to her body on earth would not have caught my attention", admitted Cas.

"So you don't know anything?" questioned Dean.

"No, I have many bridges to build in heaven, but I could try and find some information for you. Crowley may actually be helpful. He could find out if any deals were made in order to bring Jessica back to life", suggested Cas.

"Okay, thanks Cas", said Sam with a small smile.

"Wait, before you go off doing whatever the hell it is you do, what's been up with you lately? You've hardly been around?" queried Dean gruffly.

"It is not important" stated Cas.

"Yeah, you keep saying that, but if it's not important, how come you won't tell us anything?" demanded Dean.

"I have been in heaven", sighed Cas.

"Heaven? Is that safe? Aren't there a lot of angel's out there who blame you for the fall? You've got a target on your back, is going to heaven a good idea?" asked Sam.

"I appreciate your concern Sam, but I'll be fine. An angel actually came to me and asked me to return to heaven. They are my family and I have to make things right", said Cas.

"We're your family! I pretty sure it's us who have had your back all these years and not the angel's", protested Dean.

"You and Sam are my family, but they are too and I have caused so much suffering among my kind and I need to make this right, Dean", explained Cas.

"I'm still not buying it. Maybe you have returned to your fluffy cloud but there's something else going on here, I can tell. What aren't you telling us?" questioned Dean.

"I have told you everything, Dean. Whether you believe me or not, it's the truth. I have to return to heaven, but I will try and find out more about Jessica", promised Cas before leaving the bunker.

"You buying that?" asked Dean.

"Not really, something seem's up", agreed Sam.

"He's an idiot, how are we supposed to help him if he doesn't tell us what's going on?!" exclaimed Dean in frustration.

"Maybe it is a family thing? We can understand that, maybe it's something he has to do for himself", pointed out Sam.

"Yeah, I guess...", sighed Dean, "what do you think about what Cas said? About Crowley, think he could help?"

"Probably but the real question is, whether or not he will be willing to help us", added Sam.

* * *

Crowley had been and gone. Crowley hadn't been any help, but to his credit, he had tried. According to Crowley, no demon deal was made to get Jess back as far as he was aware.

"So, got any bright ideas?" asked Sam.

"Maybe we could split up. I could visit mom and see if I can find out more than you did? You've already been and wondered off once so they'll be suspicious about you, but I could? Whilst I'm checking that out you could go to the last place in the file that Jess hunted in. Talk to some people and see if you can find out any of her alias's. If we get some names she used we can run them?" suggested Dean.

"It's a start I guess, but what if the Brit's have already figured out that Ketch and Jess's files are missing? They could know it was me and you could be walking into trouble" thought Sam aloud.

"Sam, I think I can handle a bunch of nerds in suits and plus, if they knew, I think we'd have heard something by now", shrugged Dean.

"Okay, when do you want to do this?" asked Sam.

"Now's good".

* * *

Sam straightened out his suit before he stepped out of one of the cars he'd took from the bunker's garage. The last case that was noted in Jess's file was 5 hours away from the bunker. He'd arrived there in 4, desperate to find out some solid piece of information.

Half of him still didn't believe that the Jess in the file could be his Jess. The file recorded Jess's hunts and it was obvious that she was a good hunter, really good. It showed pictured evidence of kills she'd had under her belt. The file was pretty thick, but if she had been working with the BMoL as long as they said she had, it definitely couldn't of included every hunt so Sam guessed that the one's in the photo's must have been significant for whatever reason.

As he looked at images of a decapitated Vamp nests, he really doubted that this was the Jess he'd been in a relationship with for 2 years. The Jess he knew at Stanford couldn't even bring herself to kill a spider, even though she hated them completely. She would still trap one under a glass and transfer it safely outside instead of squishing it.

He didn't doubt Jess's ability. Jess had been intelligent, head strong and determined. She could pretty much do anything that she set her mind to which was one of the things Sam had loved about her. So Sam had no doubt that if Jess had wanted to, she could have trained and become a capable hunter. He just couldn't believe that she _would_ want to.

Although the tagline was 'saving people', there was also a lot of 'killing people' involved in it to. Not all of it was killing pure evil. There were creatures who were just as much victim's as the people getting killed. Like Madison and other's like her. Some people could control those urges and live off animal hearts or blood like Garth and his family, but there were some people who couldn't. People who weren't evil and had never asked to be turned into a monster, but had and couldn't control it. Good people who had been dealt a crappy hand, but still had to be killed to stop them from killing other's. He couldn't imagine Jess bringing herself to put a bullet into a young girl's head when the person looking at her wasn't evil, just a scared girl.

Then again, even if it really was Jess and not someone parading around as her, he didn't know Jess anymore. She may have been dead for 4 years, but even discounting them, she was a 30 year old woman compared to the 22 year old he'd known all those years ago. God know's, Sam had changed, so it was natural that Jess would have done too. Especially after what she'd gone through.

Pulling himself together, he stepped out of the car to talk to a witness in Jess's case. The man's wife had been killed by the demon Jess had hunted last. He hoped that she would have left a number for the man or something, anything that could help him get answers.

* * *

Sam sighed as he walked out of a small diner, swallowing down the last drops of his red eye before dropping the coffee cup in the trash can. The day had been a bust. He'd talked to several people that Jess had met on the case, but he'd come up with nothing solid. She had left behind a number to reach her on, but when Sam tried, they'd already been disconnected.

Jess had posed as FBI and he'd gotten her fake FBI name, but nothing that they could run and find out where she was. Sam decided to call it a day and phone Dean before heading back home, hoping Dean had been luckier.

As he walked to the car park at the side of the diner, he noticed his car was missing. All of Sam's instincts were on alert as he scanned his surroundings. This could be just a case of some kids stealing the car, but Sam had a feeling there was more to it. Sam walked around the small building, making sure to be aware of everything around him. He couldn't spot anything, so he walked down the alleyway at the other side of the diner, deciding to hot wire a car in a slightly more secluded setting.

As Sam walked down the alleyway, he began to realize that someone was following him. Sam jumped around, his gun out and ready, but the person he saw took any fighting instinct he had, away in an instant.

"Jess", whispered Sam to the woman staring him down.

"Hi, Sam", stated Jess flatly before bringing the butt of her gun crashing into Sam's face, immersing him in darkness.

* * *

Dean had arrived at the base and actually ended up spending some time with Mary, considering he was there under the pretense of visiting her. Not that he didn't want to see his mom, but things were still kind of weird with her. He'd stopped being pissed at her...mostly, and they'd made things right, but they still weren't how things should be.

His real reason was to find out as much as he could about Jess. He knew that this whole thing was already getting to Sam and had the potential to tear him up further if they didn't do something now.

After spending some time with Mary, making awkward small talk, Dean had excused himself to leave but when Mary had offered to walk him back to the impala, he'd insisted she stayed put. Thankfully, she had relented and it gave Dean the opportunity to go snooping. 

Dean guessed that his best bet would be to get into their computer system so he found his way to an empty room full of desks and computer's. He gained access into the room using the card Sam had swiped but getting into the computers was a whole different thing. Sam was good at hacking into computer systems and Dean knew his way around one too, but the computers in that place seemed locked down tight. Dean thought about how much he'd love Charlie's help right about now, but shook it off. 

As he fiddled with the the computer, Dean heard heavy footsteps approaching.

"Crap", whispered Dean. Scanning the room, Dean was relieved the see a supply closet and quickly made his way over and hid inside.

Dean heard a pair of voices enter the room. Sneaking a look through the small glass window on the door, he saw two men in spotless grey suits logging onto computers and Dean had a brainwave. He looked around the tiny box room and found what he was hoping for. A fire button. It said to press in the event of an emergency and Dean reckoned this passed as one, so he pressed the button, being rewarded with a shrill alarm ringing out. 

"There wasn't a fire practice scheduled for today, was there?" Questioned one of the dreary looking guys.

"Not that I know off...perhaps there's another vampire nest breaking in. It was only a few weeks ago when the alpha managed to penetrate the security system...we should get out of here quick", replied dreary looking guy number 2.

The two men looked panicked and Dean guessed they weren't guys who went into the field and got their hands dirty. Dean was glad of their fear towards facing a vampire in real life though, as they rushed out of the room, locking the door behind them, but not bothering to log out of their computers. 

Dean worked quickly, getting up anything on Jess and anything that could, so much as linked slightly to Jess. There was a lot of pages once Dean had exhausted all the possible searches that could be useful, in the computer system and Dean knew that time was of the essence so he decided to print out the many pages, praying the printer wouldn't take forever. 

As he waiting for the pages to come out, he heard the alarm shut off which meant he need to get out of there. Finally the pages were done and he folded them and tucked them in his jacket. Dean left the room, rushing to get as far away from the room as possible.

Dean was lucky, he managed to get to the entrance without bumping into anyone. Dean guessed they were busy dealing with the alarm and breathed a sigh of relief as he left the building and climbed into baby, speeding off to put a comfortable distance between him and the building, so he could look through his findings. 

* * *

Sam's consciousness came back to him slowly. He became aware of his body, but his mind was still foggy and his eyelids felt too heavy to open. Even in his semi-conscious state, Sam knew that something was wrong though, so he fought against the urge to submit to oblivion and fought to pry his eye's open. 

After some fighting, his eyelids fluttered as he vaguely notice a figure in the corner of the room. As Sam became more aware, he remembered what had happened.

Jess.

Sam felt a bolt of urgency overcome him as he fought for coherence in his foggy mind. His vision cleared and so did his head, only a pounding headache left as evidence from the blow to the head. 

Sam sat tied up tightly in an uncomfortable metal chair. He wriggled around but there was no room to budge. The room was damp and abandoned and sitting casually in the corner was Jess.

Jess who he'd once planned to propose to, but had lost. Jess who had been brought back and hit Sam hard with a gun and tied him up. This was all kinds of weird and too much for Sam's mildly concussed head to take. He felt a little hysterical as he forced down a bubble of laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation. Except there was nothing really funny about it. 

Jess got up from the chair and walked closer towards Sam, arms crossed and face stern. The image in front of him was so _Jess_ but so _not Jess_ at the same time. 

She looked the same except older. Although Sam couldn't quite put his finger on what made her appear older. Sam knew that it was inevitable that she would seem different. It had been 8 years since she'd been brought back so she was 30 now, technically 34, so she was bound to have looked a little different, but her features hadn't seemed to aged all that much. Everything was the same about her, yet everything was different too.

Her skin was smooth and golden just like before, as Sam remembered running his thumb across her cheek when she got upset or worried. Her eyes were still that shade of bright blue that he used to get lost in. Jess wasn't smiling, but Sam would guess that if she did, that would be the same too. A smile that could light up the room. Her features were soft and pretty, but different. Her wavy blonde hair was pinned up tightly. She was wearing combat style clothing and her face was somewhat colder and harsher. Her eye's set in a steel gaze, her lips in a straight line and a little of her sparkle was missing. He wasn't surprised. If Jess had been hunting for years, it would have changed her. Sam certainly looked different from Stanford.

The light had been snatched from his eye's too. 

"Jess?" asked Sam carefully. 

"Sam. It's been a long time, you've changed...you look different" acknowledged Jess, her face devoid of any emotion.

"What...what happened? You're back?" Stuttered Sam. 

"Looks that way doesn't it", said Jess flatly.

The Jess Sam had knew years ago had honey in her voice. Soft, sweet and coaxing. Now, her voice was empty and sharp.

"What happened?" Asked Sam once again.

"Don't you want to know why I hit you and brought you here?" Wondered Jess.

"I just want...are you okay?" questioned Sam.

"I'm not the one with a concussion, tied up to a chair", pointed out Jess.

"Jess, please, what's going on?" Pleaded Sam.

"I've been working for the British Men of Letter's for a long time. They get results. I've killed a lot of things out there. Stopped what happened to me from happening to other people. It's all I've had since I got brought back. It's my job to eliminate threat and you're a threat Sam. The British Men of Letters want you dead, but they wanted to get any use out of you that they could beforehand. Too bad that you went and stuck your nose in where it didn't belong. They know you stole files and that you're growing suspicious so you're usefulness isn't enough to keep you alive now, Sam. It's my job to kill you", explained Jess like she was explaining how to work a TV or something and not like she was giving Sam a death sentence.

Sam thought that he felt his heart literally shatter, but there was a numb sensation in the pit of his stomach too.

"Jess, this isn't you. You can't trust the British Men of Letter's", pleaded Sam.

"Like I could trust you, you mean? When you brought me into your life, knowing what was out there, but not bothering to tell me?", scoffed Jess, "Sam, you don't know what's me anymore. You don't know me at all".

* * *

"This is not good, this is so not good", exclaimed Dean has he finished reading through the pile of paper. Dean had gotten more information than he'd thought he'd get, but he really didn't like what he'd read.

Jess had been brought back by some rogue demon 4 years after her death. Apparently it was some Azazel loyalist who wasn't bothered by Lucifer or the apocalypse, and planned to carry on Azazel's legacy instead. They'd brought Jess back as a bargaining chip to get Sam on side. The demon's plans had been thwarted by the British Men of Letter's who'd killed him and eventually recruited Jess. 

Apparently, a small portion of the organization had been in America for a while, but hadn't bothered to lend a hand when the world was ending. 

From what Dean could see, they'd filled Jess in on the parts that suited them. The demon who had killed her and the reasons behind it. Sam being one of Azazel's 'special children', Sam and the demon blood. They seemed to have poisoned Jess's mind into thinking that Sam was a bad guy. Telling her his mistakes, but Dean guessed they probably hadn't bothered to update her about Sam sacrificing himself to save the world.

Dean also realized that the British Men of Letter's seemed to have caught on to Sam's snooping and Jess had gone after Sam to the town where she'd previously hunted. That was not good!

All this was damning enough, but Dean had a bad feeling there was more to it. There were gaps in the information, things that seemed to be left out. Dean guessed certain info couldn't be accessed by all employees and we're solely for the big wigs in the organization. Dean could tell there was more being left out and he knew they'd got Jess involved somehow. 

Jess was now a trained hunter with a bunch of crap about Sam drummed in her head. She also happened to be heading straight to Sammy for hell knows what reason. 

Dean scrambled for his phone, dialling Sam's phone. Dean tried 6 times but Sam didn't pick up.

"Crap Sammy, it was a bad idea to split up!" Exclaimed Dean. 

He had a feeling that British Men of Letter's had something shifty up their sleeve and that Sam was a target. He didn't know what they were planning, but he guessed it was nothing good and he intended to find out what.  

First things first, he needed to find Sammy.

 

 


	2. Different But The Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this after 12x16 and since then 12x17 was aired. Naturally due to not knowing what direction the show would go in, from here on out, this fic does not follow canon. Hope you enjoy!

Sam tried to think of something to say but nothing came to him. There were no words to make this situation right.

"Jess, I'm sorry. I know it doesn't make it better, but I am. I loved you and I never wanted anything bad to happen. You deserved better", said Sam genuinely.

"You saw it, didn't you? You had dreams about what was going to happen to me, the Men of Letter's told me, are you going to tell me they were lying?", snapped Jess.

"No, it's the truth. I dreamt about what happened to you before it actually happened. More than once, but I didn't know it was really going to happen, I didn't want to believe it. My mom died the same way that you did when I was a baby so I told myself it was just some awful nightmare. I shouldn't have ignored them though. I should have kept you safe", admitted Sam, "Jess, I know you owe me nothing but I just...what happened?"

"You mean how am I alive? Some demon brought me back. They said they wanted to carry on Azazel's work and they needed you. They brought me back as a bargaining chip to get you to do what they wanted you to, but the British Men of Letter's killed him and took me in, trained me", stated Jess.

"How come you didn't go back to your family?" wondered Sam.

"Not that I owe you any explanation, but how do you think that would have looked? I died in a fire. I burned and they buried me and then 4 years later, I show up again? How would I have explained that? The Men of Letter's gave me a purpose. I pretty much guessed after Brady had black eye's and did what he did, that he wasn't human, but the Men of Letter's filled me in on all the other stuff too. I'm good at this, I'm not some weak damsel in distress that needs you to save me, Sam. I can take care of myself and maybe if you'd have told me what was out there, I could have taken care of myself back then too", seethed Jess.

"I never saw you as weak, Jess. I always considered you one of the strongest people I'd ever met, but if I'd have told you everything, would you really have believed me?" asked Sam quietly.

"I don't know, maybe, maybe not, but that was something for me to decide. Instead you just lied. You had to have known that you couldn't have run from that life forever. You're smart, you're not telling me that you never considered trouble could come looking for you. You brought me into it. You knew what danger's there were and you dragged me into it, the moment you let me love you!", yelled Jess, her eye's full of fury as she cleaned her gun.

"I know. I'm not arguing with you, this isn't anything I haven't told myself a million times. I hated myself after...when you died, it felt like nothing would ever be okay again and I knew that I was to blame, but I never meant for any of it. I just wanted a normal life. I just wanted a life where I didn't have to constantly worry about whether or not my brother or dad would die that day or where I didn't have to have my brother stitch me up in some no tell, motel with scotch as antiseptic and dental floss for the thread. I thought college was my way past it, my ticket into normal. I never counted on meeting someone like you. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I fell in love with you and I managed to convince myself that I really could leave it behind. That I could be safe and happy...with you. I wa...I was planning on asking you to marry me", choked Sam.

Sam peered at Jess and for a second the steel expression wavered and she looked warmer and like the Jess that he knew. She scanned Sam, as if assessing what she should believe, but a phone ringing out interrupted her inner battle.

"Yeah, he's here now....I thought you wanted me to get rid of him? Okay, I understand...I'll be there soon", muttered Jess to the person on the phone.

"Change of plans", she announced as she ended the call.

"What's happening?" questioned Sam.

"Order's have changed, they want me to take you in so they can squeeze out every last piece of information out of you before they kill you", stated Jess calmly. Her facial expression hardened once again.

"Okay", sighed Sam.

"Okay? You're not going to put up any fight at all?" frowned Jess.

"I don't want to fight you,  Jess", breathed Sam.

"You know, the British Men of Letter's filled me in about the real you when they first recruited me. They've been keeping tabs on you and your brother for years. From what they told me, I never expected you to just give up", scrutinised Jess.

"I'm not giving up, when you take me to the British Men of Letter's, I will fight them. I just don't want to fight you" told Sam, "I wouldn't believe everything those guys told you, Jess. They can't be trusted. They've killed people who didn't deserve it. Like this kid I met on a hunt. She was human, but she had psychic abilities. Her mother told her she was the devil and abused her. She tried to reach out to people for help using her powers and accidentally killed two people. She never meant to hurt anyone, her mom was hurting her and she just wanted help. So Dean and I let her go because it was the right thing to do. Because she wasn't evil, she just made a mistake, but the British Men of Letter's killed her".

"Maybe you don't know the whole story? Maybe she was going to hurt someone. The organisation are fighting the type of things that killed me and stopping it from happening to other people" rationalised Jess.

"Yeah, I thought that too. That's why I convinced Dean to give them a shot and work with them, but the more I saw of them, the more I began to wonder if it's really about saving people to them. Or is it more about a supernatural genocide. It looks a lot like they don't care if you're good or evil, if you're different, they want you gone. They even kill humans if it's convenient for them. You can't trust them, Jess", explained Sam.

"They told me that you had demon blood in you. That you had some sort of affair with a demon and drank demon blood...that you set Lucifer free, causing the death of so many innocent people. Was that a lie?" questioned Jess.

Sam didn't answer. He couldn't.

"I'll take that as a 'yes' then", scowled Jess, "well if you're not going to fight me, you can walk to the car".

Jess got closer to Sam, untying his arms from behind the chair and securing them in cuffs. She guided Sam to a car, keeping a firm grasp on him.

Sam began to wonder what the British Men of Letter's wanted with him. Whatever it was, he'd bet that it wasn't good. 

* * *

Sam twisted uncomfortably in his seat. Jess had took her own car and Sam had no idea where she'd left the one he'd driven here in, but he figured he had bigger things to worry about, such as what the British Men of Letter's wanted from him. Jess had left the cuffs on and once Sam had sat in the car, she'd also tied him to the car seat despite Sam telling her that he wasn't going to fight. 

Jess drove across the smooth asphalt, occasionally sending a sideways glance towards Sam. They drove in a somewhat awkward silence for a while.

"Okay, I'll bite. Why?", asked Jess in a neutral tone, breaking the icy atmosphere. 

"Why what?" questioned Sam.

"Why did you drink demon blood and set Lucifer free? You say you came to Stanford for 'normal'? If you wanted to be a regular upstanding citizen, why go off at the deep end?" queried Jess in a sharp, accusatory tone.

"It's a long story", sighed Sam tiredly.

"Yeah, well we have time. Sitting in silence isn't going to get us to the Men of Letter's complex any quicker and considering the amount of things you failed to fill me in on back at Stanford, I think I at least deserve something now", frowned Jess.

"Okay, I did want normal, but then you died and I don't know, I guess the only example I had on how to deal with stuff like that was my dad and he buried his grief in alcohol and revenge. I resented him for it growing up, but when you died, I could only think about getting revenge on the demon that killed you and my mom. That's what got me back into hunting", explained Sam.

"So now this is somehow my fault?" scoffed Jess.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just trying to explain. Your death may have been what got me back into hunting, but what kept me in it was Dean, family. After that, we lost our dad, I started to show psychic abilities and I found out that the reason you and my mom died was because Azazel had plans for me and that he bled demon blood into my mouth when I was a baby. He'd done it to a lot of kids and he dropped us off in an abandoned town to fight till the last man was standing. In the end there was me and this other guy, but I refused to kill him and just as Dean found me, the guy literally stabbed me in the back and I died in Dean's arms which didn't go over very well with him and he made a demon deal to get me back. I did get brought back, but Dean only got one year before hell hounds came and dragged him to hell", summarised Sam.

"This is a touching story and all but how does this have anything to do with you getting cosy with some demon, drinking demon blood and setting Lucifer free?" questioned Jess.

"I'm getting there...So a year passed and I couldn't find a way to break the deal so Dean died and went to hell. I was alone and I couldn't live with the fact that Dean was in hell because of me so I tried to make a deal..."

"So you die, Dean sells his soul to get you back and then Dean dies and you try to sell your soul? Talk about codependency", interjected Jess.

"Well, you were the psych major", laughed Sam lightly, "But anyway, no demon would deal with me so I decided that if I couldn't bring Dean back, I'd kill the demon who was to blame. I wanted to die killing Lilith, I was stupid and pretty much constantly drunk at the time, but there was a demon, Ruby and she'd helped Dean and I out in the past and...she came to me when I was at my lowest and she snapped me back to reality in a way Dean would of. I don't know if I was too caught up in revenge or if I was just so desperate to have someone there, but I listened to her and I didn't see that she was manipulating me. She told me that drinking demon blood would give me the power I needed to kill Lilith and that I would also be able to kill demon's without killing the vessel of the person they were possessing. I already had demon blood inside me through no choice of my own and it had always made me feel wrong and unclean, but I thought...I thought if I could take this thing that was dark and use it to do something good, then it would make it worth it and if I'm honest with myself, I started to like the power. Somewhere along the way I lost sight of what Ruby was really doing to me and I ended up addicted to the blood. What I didn't realise was that Ruby wanted Lucifer released and she knew that killing the Lilith was the thing that would cause Lucifer to be released. I didn't know that, as far as I was concerned, Lilith was the one freeing Lucifer and killing her would stop that. I'm not making excuses because I was wrong, but I didn't mean to do it. I was trying to stop her".

Jess looked conflicted. There was so much pain in Sam's voice and that calm resolve she had, that clear mission in front of her, wavered. Even when she knew nothing about this world or what Sam's history was, she knew he was troubled by something. She knew he'd seen darkness.

The story that Sam was portraying actually made her feel bad for him. How was anyone supposed to cope with that without making some mistakes along the way? But Jess wasn't ready to let go of her anger. It was her anger that had been driving her forward for so long now. She also reminded herself that Sam had lied to her once and he could be doing it again now. So she raised her walls firmly upwards and pushed down any empathy she felt.  

"Didn't the British Men of Letter's tell you all the details?" Wondered Sam.

"No, just the main bullet points" admitted Jess.

\--------

If Sam ignored the fact that Jess had knocked him unconscious and that he was cuffed and tied up, this could actually be a pretty good moment for Sam. 

Losing Jess had took a piece of Sam away for good. After, more pieces kept getting ripped away from him, but Jess's death was the start of the unravelling. The guilt and grief was hard to move past and to be sitting here now with Jess alive, that was actually pretty wonderful. Not only was she there, she knew everything too. So many time's at Stanford, had Sam wished he could tell Jess everything and here she was, knowing everything.

Jess hadn't just been his girlfriend, she was his whole world at that time. Sam had been cut off from his family for choosing another way and although the situation with his father hurt, the separation from Dean killed. He'd arrived at Stanford, something he'd dreamed of for a long time, feeling more alone than ever until Jess came along. 

When Sam was lost and alone, Jess had been there. She was smart and funny and didn't take crap from anyone. She was also caring and gentle and Sam fell in love quickly. There was a hole left when Sam had gone his seperate ways from Dean and their Dad and although, Jess didn't stop Sam from missing Dean, she made it more bearable. Jess became his girlfriend, but she was also Sam's best friend. 

Sam didn't think she'd stick around and he wouldn't have blamed her. He knew he'd come off as secretive and closed off when he hardly told her anything about his family or upbringing, but Jess didn't pry and she stuck with him.

When Sam woke up sweaty and panting from a nightmare of Dean being killed by a vengeful spirit, Jess calmed him down and was there for him even though Sam skirted around the details. When Jess found a neat line of salt under the welcome matt, she'd accepted Sam's obvious lies about the apartment having slug problems and when she'd taken notice of the many hunting scars that decorated Sam's body, she didn't make a big deal out of it. Simply making Sam know that she was there if he needed her. He had needed her. Sam had eventually slipped comfortably into the college fold. He had friends, he got good grades and when he'd moved in with Jess, he'd felt a resemblance of normal. 

So, if the situation were different, he'd be crazy happy that Jess was alive and okay. But the situation wasn't different and Jess wasn't okay. Sam could see that. She'd lost her family and her future. She'd been dragged into hunting. She was angry and hurting. Sam could see it, he knew Jess. Even now, years later when she was practically a stranger, Sam still knew Jess and she wasn't happy. Sam sunk into guilt as he blamed himself for derailing Jess's life. He thought Jess being alive could lift some of the guilt he'd never let go of in regards to her death,  but he actually felt more guilt. 

The only thing worse than being dead is being alive but not really living.  

\-------

"You've gone quiet", noted Jess.

"I'm sorry", told Sam quietly.

"You've said a couple of times", sighed Jess.

"I know and it doesn't change anything, but what else is there I can do, but say sorry?" Mumbled Sam. 

* * *

"Damn it!", yelled Dean as he hit the steering wheel. 

Dean had been trying to ring Sam but it kept going to voicemail. Dean was passed the worry stage. Even if Sam had been busy, he should have found the time to let Dean know he was okay by now. 

Dean felt panicked and stuck for what to do. If Jess had found Sam by now, chances are that they wouldn't stay in one place. Dean didn't want to drive there and waste time when his brother needed help, but what else was he supposed to do? Maybe she'd bring him back to the base, but that wasn't a guarantee either. 

Dean picked up his phone, deciding to try again before driving to the town Sam had been checking out. 

The dial tone rang and to Dean's surprise, someone actually picked up.

"Sam?! Jeez, Sam talk to me. I'm freaking out here", instructed Dean.

"Hey Dean, it's been a long time", greeted a female voice. 

"Jess?", questioned Dean in disbelief. Knowing she wasn't dead was one thing, but hearing her was another. 

"You got me", agreed Jess.

"Jess, listen to me, I don't know what those dicks told you, but Sam isn't a bad guy...you haven't hurt him have you?" Asked Dean.

"Dean, I'm fine", called Sam distantly. So Dean knew Jess had Sam.

"Shut up, Sam", ordered Jess, "He's alive".

"Where are you? I can come to you and we can figure this out", suggested Dean.

"Sam and I are taking a little roadtrip", stated Jess alussively.

"Where are you taking him?"

"Like I'm stupid enough to tell you? I didn't answer to talk it out, Dean. I answered to tell you to quit calling. Learn to take a hint", shot Jess.

"Jess, the British Men of Letter's are as corrupt as they come. They're nothing but a bunch of politicians, they don't know our world, not really. You can't trust them and you can't hurt Sam or let them hurt him. You loved him once and believe me when I say, he's still the same guy", said Dean, pleading slightly. 

"Bye Dean..."

"Jess, please! Just tell me what you're going to do?!"

Jess paused, as if considering what she was going to say. 

"Fine...what the hell? It's not like you can do anything about it. I'm taking Sam to the British Men of Letter's base. They can do whatever they want with him. You can't stop them anyway so might as well put you out of your misery", stated Jess before ending the call. 

\-------

On the one hand, Dean considered this a positive. At least he knew where Sam was heading and he was already there. On the other hand, Jess working with the Brit's meant that she'd probably be going through a different entrance so Dean wouldn't be able to get to Sam before they entered the base. Once they were in the base, things would get a whole lot more difficult. Most of the snobs in that place were bookworms with little field experience, but they had gun's and they were ruthless. Dean thought that he and Sam could probably take down a few of them considering their superior fighting ability, but who knew how many of them were in there and how many weapon's they had at their disposal. 

Dean had a brain wave, Mary! Their mom was already on the inside. He could call her and she could help. Maybe she'd be able to lock the place down or something so Jess couldn't get in with Sam. Meaning Dean could get them the hell out of that place before they opened the doors. He didn't want to put his mom in danger, but she was in with them and as long as she kept things on the down low, she could be out of there before they knew she had anything to do with it. 

Dean quickly got out his phone and dialled his mom's number.

"Dean, is everything okay? What have you been doing? Ketch said that they think you and Sam stole some file's? What the hell are you up to?" questioned Mary.

"Are you alone?"

"Yeah, I'm in my room, but that doesn't answer my questions", urged Mary.

"I'll tell you everything, but right now, all that you need to know is that Sam's in trouble and it's because of the British Men of Letter's. Someone who's working for them is bringing Sam in pretty damn soon and I need your help. I need you to find a way to lock this place down so Jess can't bring Sam in and I can grab him and make sure he's safe", explained Dean.

"Wait, Jess? What.."

"I'll explain later okay, but I need you to do this for us mom. I know you think the guy's are helping people, but you can't trust them and they're going to hurt Sam so are you going to help us?" asked Dean abruptly.

"Yeah...yeah, I'll sort it. I'll figure it out", agreed Mary.

"Good, just...be discreet okay? I don't want you to get hurt. Make sure no one know's it was you and then get out of there asap", instructed Dean with concern. 

"I got it Dean, I'll be fine", assured Mary.

Dean ended the call and sighed in relief. Now he just needed to wait for Jess and Sam. Dean thought about what he'd have to do. He might have to hurt Jess if it came to it. If he had to do it to help Sam, he would. 

Dean knew that Sam could have gotten himself out of the situation. Sam was smart and a damn good hunter so even if Jess was an amazing hunter too, Sam still could have gotten out of it. Except, this wasn't just some random hunter, this was Jess. So mixing the element of surprise and the element of having his ex-dead, ex girlfriend kidnap him, Dean wasn't surprised. Dean knew that Sam would never fight Jessica, never lay a finger on her even if it was defending his own life. So Dean would have to defend it for him, whether he liked it or not. 

* * *

Sam sat, sending occasional glances Jess's way.

"Some of this just doesn't make sense to me", announced Sam.

"What?" Frowned Jess in confusion.

"So the demon part I get, but why did the British Men of Letter's take you in? What did they gain from that?" wondered Sam.

"They saw I was at a loose end and they thought I had promise so they gave me a chance", shrugged Jess.

"Okay? but if you knew and they knew all about Lucifer being free and the impending apocalypse, how come none of you were any where to be seen?", asked Sam.

"I hunt low level demons, werewolves, vamps, that kind of thing...Lucifer and the apocalypse is a little above my pay grade. Plus, I go wherever they send me. They give me the order's and I carry them out"

"And you were okay with that? When I knew you, you weren't very fond of taking order's from anyone", smiled Sam fondly.

"Yeah well, I guess you don't know me that well anymore and plus, it's just like any other job. You have a boss and you have to follow the rule's and assignments", pointed out Jess.

"Fair enough...it's just, I've met Ketch and knowing the way he acts and speaks, I can imagine you giving him a right hook", grinned Sam.

"I won't say I haven't felt like it...I mean, I'm grateful for what the Men of Letter's have given me but god, do I hate that guy", admitted Jess as she broke out into laughter.

"So, what happened after you set Lucifer free?", asked Jess growing more serious.

"They didn't tell you?" asked Sam.

"No, they only told me what I told you"

"Well, Lucifer was stopped", shrugged Sam vaguely, "didn't the Brit's tell you about it?"

"They said that they'd put a stop to it, but they didn't give any detail's", admitted Jess.

Sam scoffed.

"I'm guessing from your snort that your version of event's are different?" said Jess raising an eyebrow.

"You could say that. They had nothing to do with stopping the apocalypse. In fact, we knew nothing about them until recently. There were about 3 failed apocalypse and they did nothing to stop them. The whole world ending wasn't their problem apparently", explained Sam bitterly.

"So if they didn't, who did stop it?", questioned Jess.

"From what I hear, it was a team effort, but the British Men of Letters had no part in it", shrugged Sam.

Jess frowned at Sam, analysing him. 

"Do you believe me? About the lie's the British Men of Letter's have told?" wondered Sam.

"I don't know what to believe", admitted Jess.

The conversation drew to a silence after that and Sam sat restlessly in the car. 

Sam knew that they weren't far off now and his stomach was in knot's, not because of his fear for himself because this was nothing new to him. He and Dean were used to dangerous situations. They been raised in them, but no matter what, he was always scared for Dean. Scared of losing him, losing his family. Right now, he had several people to be concerned about.

The Men of Letter's were mere humans. They had no supernatural power or abilities, but Sam was smart enough to know not to underestimate them. They were smart and skilled people with a unlimited amount of knowledge and weaponry at their hands. They were also unpredictable and clearly didn't have a problem taking human lives if those pictures of the prison guards were anything to go by.

He thought about Dean, Mary and Jess. He hoped that Dean wouldn't do anything stupid to try and stop whatever the Brit's were planning on doing to him, but then he knew Dean too and he knew that Dean would do whatever it took to help him. As for Mary, Sam wasn't so sure about her. She hadn't been the cookie cutter mom that John and Dean had painted and she was flawed and imperfect, but Sam knew that she was a Winchester and they were her son's. She had been willing to kill herself to save Sam and Dean so Sam felt sure that she would do whatever it took to keep them safe. But he didn't want to think about what the British Men of Letter's would do to Mary if she went against them. Then there was Jess. He'd only just found out she was back and he was worried he'd get her killed again. Jess may have kidnapped Sam and be escorting him to a possibly deadly fate, but he could see her wavering. Her mask of anger and clarity were slipping. Sam was assured of this when Jess had answered Dean's call. 

She had told Dean they were heading to the base and although she'd passed it of as nonchalant and insignificant because Dean wouldn't be able to stop them, Sam knew better. Jess wouldn't have told Dean anything if she wasn't having any second thoughts, but she had told him something which meant some part of Jess was unsure about this. 

* * *

Dean waited in the impala until he saw a car in sight. It was heading towards the base but instead of turning up the path where the impala was sitting, it rounded and went around the side of the large complex.

It was Sam and Jess, Dean knew it. So he started baby's engine and followed in the same direction as the car. Mary had locked the place down for them so when Jess got out of the car with Sam, Dean would have his chance to grab Sam and get him in the impala and out of this clinical hell hole. 

Dean took his time following the route Jess took, trying not to draw attention to himself. By the time Dean saw the car again, it was empty and there was no sign of Jess or his little brother. Dean got out of his car, pulling his gun out. Maybe Jess was hiding somewhere because there wasn't supposed to be a way in. 

As Dean circled the car, a familiar voice reached him.

"Hello Winchester"

Ketch.

Dean aimed his gun at Ketch. 

"Give me my brother back and I won't put a bullet through your brain", growled Dean.

"You make one wrong move and that precious brother of yours dies", warned Ketch.

As if to prove his point, Sam was dragged out by a slightly more muscular man in a suit. Sam's face was bloody and bruised but so was the face of the guard. Sam put up at fight, thought Dean proudly, but the pride melted into anger as Ketch rested the barrel of his gun against Sam's temple. Sam's eye's were wide with worry and Dean really wanted to kill Ketch, slow and bloody.

"Comply, or my finger pulls the trigger", bargained Ketch. 

"Fine", gritted Dean reluctantly. He was still confident they'd get out of this, but he wasn't going to risk Sammy and he didn't doubt that Ketch would have any qualms about killing his brother. 

Ketch cuffed Dean, as another man pushed him towards the entrance of the base. 

As Dean entered the complex, he saw Jess. She looked slightly older, but was more or less the same as that night he'd met her. She looked sheepish and regretful as both Dean and Sam were pushed through the metallic corridor. 

After what seemed like forever, they came to a stop and Sam and Dean were guided into a control-like room. 

Mary was standing at the head of the table and Mick was sitting down. Staring at her son's with an expression which was uncomfortably close to shame.

"Mom?" What? You were...", stammered Dean.

"She was supposed to lock the base down, giving you the time to save dear old Sammy?" Smirked Ketch.

Dean cast a glance at Sam who was looking down at the floor, eye's awash with betrayal and acceptance. Apparently aware of something Dean wasn't. 

"How did you found out? Bugging the room's or something?" Frowned Dean.

"No need, your mother is loyal to our organisation. She made us aware of your plans", goaded Ketch.

Dean started to argue, but as he glanced at his mom, he saw guilt written across her face and he knew it was true. Dean's stomach dropped.

Another betrayal.

This was one that she couldn't take herself out of. 

"You told them?" Questioned Dean flatly, "you told them knowing that they were trying to get hold of Sammy, that they could kill him? That they were extremely likely to hurt him, to hurt me when I tried to stop them? What the hell kind of mother are you?!"

"You have no idea what's going on, Dean. There's a bigger picture! I'm still your mom", pleaded Mary. 

"No, no you're not", seethed Dean. 

Mary looked at her youngest. He'd seemed to understand the choices she'd made more in the past and Mary hoped he would again, but Sam's eye's were cast downwards, blinking away tears.

"Sam...I...you have to believe me when I tell you that I'm doing this for all of us", insisted Mary.

"Why? What's so important that you'd sell us out", questioned Sam in almost a whisper. 

"They...they're going to help me bring your dad back. I know that this situation isn't ideal, but they promised they wouldn't kill you and...I know you'll think it's worth it when we get John back. I've been so lost since I've come back and John...he was the love of my life and I need him here and it's not just for me! I'm doing this for your both, so your can get your father back", exclaimed Mary.

Dean stood speechless. He couldn't quite believe it. Mary had been far from perfect since she'd come into their lives, but he didn't think she'd do this. He didn't think she'd put her son in harms way. 

"Like father, like daughter", scoffed Dean, thinking back to Samual's betrayal.

"What's that supposed to mean?", asked Mary.

"Forget it", seethed Dean.

"Dean...", began Mary.

"No! All of the 'it's for you too' is bull! This isn't for anyone but you!", growled Dean. 

"Don't you want your father back?" Asked Mary desperately.

"You're really doing all of this on some vague promise of Dad coming back? What, am I suppised to be grateful? You know what? Dad was a dick. He was the kind of guy that left his 4 year old to look after his baby brother. He put that on me and I had to step up because he didn't. I was the one who raised Sam! I became a parent when I was four for god sake! He left us alone in motel's with barely enough money to get by. And Sammy? I tried to shield him from it, I tried to let him be a kid, but I couldn't keep him from it, not with our life. We were never kids. I started hunting before I even hit double digits and Sammy was left alone in motel's. What kind of father leaves a 9 year old alone in a motel? What kind of father drags his son's into the ground and makes them feel like they were nothing?! I loved dad, but as much as I loved dad, no, I don't want him back. Not if it means Sammy getting hurt....You know what? As much as dad had his flaws, he would never do this! He would always save his sons. You're a worse parent than he was. At least he tried his best. You haven't even tried", yelled Dean. 

"I just...I'm sorry, I just wanted us to be a family", insisted Mary. 

"We already are a family...at least we could have been. I mean, what did you think was going to happen? That the British Men of Letter's were just having Jess take Sam in so they could have some tea and scone's? You saw what they did to him last time! They tortured him and drugged him...How could you let this happen?!", choked Dean. 

"They said they're not going to kill him, that he'll still be alive. All that Sam needs to do is tell that what they want", argued Mary.

"Yeah, because their words mean so much. They're completely trustworthy. And you know full well that Sam would never tell them what they want, he's not a sell out like you", scoffed Dean. 

"Sam..", Mary turned to Sam with pleading eye's.

Sam continued to stare at the floor and Dean appraised Sam with his eye's. 

Dean wanted Sam to be angry. He wanted Sam to shout and scream and yell at Mary. To tell her that he didn't deserve it and that this wasn't right, but there was no fire in Sam. Only a resigned sort of sadness and it made Dean want to knock some sense into him.

"As much as I find this family crisis entertaining, time is of the essence", announced a female voice entering the room, followed by another lap dog. She was a slightly older lady with a smug grin on her face.

"Who are you?" Questioned Dean.

"I'm Dr Hess. I'm one of the elders among the British Men of Letter's. Enough of all this bickering. I won't be so lenient to your attitude", scolded Hess.

Dean looked around the room, searching his brain for an answer. 

Dean took notice of Jess and Mick. They didn't seem smug like Ketch or Hess. In fact, they didn't seem to be enjoying this one bit. Both looked conflicted. 

"I'll go with you", announced Sam, "but, you have to let Dean go. It was me you sent Jess after in the first place and you've got me. I'll go willingly if you just let Dean go".

"Sammy, no!", growled Dean. Sam gave Dean a small smile. A smile that would be nothing of significance to anyone else, but Sam and Dean could communicate without any verbal conversation. It was a smile that tried to tell Dean that it was okay, but nothing about this situation was okay.

Without warning, Dean drove his elbow backwards and into the face of the guard holding him. The guard sunk down in shock, clutching a bloody nose and Dean advanced, preparing to fight anyone who got in his way, but a familiar sound of a gun cocking halted Dean.

The suit that was holding Sam before was replaced with Hess and she had his gun pressed against Sam's temple and the finger on the trigger as a warning sign. 

"One more move and I will kill your precious brother", threatened Hess viciously.

Dean felt a red hot fury rippling under his skin. He didn't want to give this woman anything she asked for, but he wasn't going to risk a bullet going into Sam's head.

"Fine. I won't fight, just take the gun away from my brother's head", conceded Dean as he allowed himself to be held in place by another stiff in a suit. 

"Well I guess this is the moment I withdraw my weapon", acknowledged Hess, "Then again, I may just shoot your brother anyway". Hess grinned as she clutched her gun tightly.

"No!", screamed Dean. There was a gunshot and for a split second of panic, Dean expected to see his baby brother shot dead, but instead, Hess was crumpled on the floor. He face was slack and pale and she had a gory bullet wound in the centre of her forehead. 

Dean looked to see where the shot came from and he saw Jess with her gun pointed in Hess's direction. She looked almost as shocked at what she had done as Dean was. 

A murderous looked swam it's way across Ketch's sharp features and Dean saw what was coming next. Ketch was out for blood.

Jess's blood. 

"Jess!", yelled Sam as he yanked out of the guards grip and jumped to knock Jessica out of the way. Sam was quick and the sudden movement seemed to distract Ketch for a millisecond. Enough time for Sam to push Jess and himself to the floor as Ketch pulled the trigger. 

A pained cry escaped Sam's mouth as he and Jess crashed to the floor, a pool of blood seeping onto the tiles. Dean sighed in relief as he saw Jess putting pressure on Sam's shoulder. The bullet had hit Sam's shoulder. It would hurt like a bitch and they'd need to get out of here before blood loss became an issue, but Sam should be okay. Their main problem now was Ketch. He definitely wasn't going to take that. Dean once again rammed an elbow into the man holding him. He then kicked the man, sending him to the floor. 

Ketch had moved to Jess, but she seemed to be holding her own as she swiftly kicked Ketch's gun far out of his hands. The room broke into action and despite Hess being dead and Ketch being unarmed, with the couple of Men of Letter's still in the room and Sam injured, they were way out numbered. 

Dean was nothing if not a fighter so he began tackling the guys who'd held him and Sam, still getting the better of them despite the fact he was cuffed. Dean noticed Ketch raining down harsh blows on Jess and as he was about to intervene, a pale and glazed looking Sam kicked Ketch hard in the face. If the situation hadn't have been so intense, Dean would have patted Sam on the back for the way his kick sent Ketch staggering backwards onto the table. 

Dean dragged Ketch up by his blazer and punched him hard, desperately wanting to knock him out, but unlike the other men in here who seemed to be brainiac's with no experience actually fighting, Ketch was more than competent. So he could defend himself and with Dean still in cuffs, the fight got tougher. Before Dean could stop him, Ketch dived for the gun that Jess had knocked out of his hand and pointed it at Dean. Dean froze, knowing that Ketch could pull that trigger faster than he could get to it.

In that moment, Mick who had been staying out the way in a look of bewilderment until now, aimed a gun at Ketch, shooting him skillfully in the arm that was grasping the gun. Ketch growled in agony and Mick shot Ketch again in his knee caps, rendering him completely immobile. Dean quickly kicked the gun out of the way and Jess and Mick quickly knocked the remaining Men of Letter's out cold with the butt of their guns. 

The threats were out of the way. Jess, who apparently blamed Sam for her death, had saved Sam's life and Sam had saved hers too. Although considering their history, it wasn't so surprising. However Mick, who had seemed devoted to the British Men of Letter's, had seriously injured Ketch in order to stop Ketch killing Dean...that was surprising. None of this seemed to make sense, but Dean didn't have time to think about that right now. Sam was bleeding and they needed to get out of there before anyone else came after them.

Dean turned to look at Mary. She was backed up against the wall, looking shocked and dazed. Her eye's were watery and she had her gun ready and pointed, looking like she was set to shoot Ketch. Apparently she'd been too slow and Mick did the job for her. It didn't matter. Even if she had have been the one to shoot Ketch, it wouldn't change what she did. Nothing would ever fix that.

"We need to get out of here now! Before those guys wake up and before anyone realises what's happened", stated Mick as he took Ketch's phone from his jacket.

"I'm going to kill you slowly and painfully", seethed Ketch in painful breaths.

"I look forward to it mate", smirked Mick menacingly, "Come on you three!"

Mick started to the door, pointing to the others to follow. Dean went and lifted Sam up, allowing him to lean heavily on him as they mover forward. Dean had it handled but Jess decided to grip Sam's other side and the three of them followed Mick. 

Dean noticed that Mary had joined them.

"No, you're not coming with us", stated Dean.

"Dean...", began Mary.

"No. You made your choice. You chose them so you stick with them, _Mary_ ", spat Dean. 

Mary looked like she'd been punched in the gut and if it hadn't have been Sammy she'd risked getting tortured and he wasn't so pissed, he may feel badly for her, but right now, so much as looking at Mary made him feel sick. 

\--------

Mick, Dean, Jess and a weakening Sam, trudged through the door, leaving a shocked Mary behind. 

Mick guided them through the corridors, fortunately avoiding any other unfriendly faces. They quickly rushed out of the door into the open air. The impala and Jess's car sat where they'd been left.

"We need to move!", stated Mick.

"Where do we go? We can't go back to the bunker, they have a key that will open it", reminded Dean.

"The bunker has a vast amount of resources, we can find some sort of spell work to keep them out. No where will be safe, they have eye's all over the place. At least at your bunker we have resources", reasoned Mick. 

"Okay, bunker it is", agreed Dean as he helped Sam into the passenger side of the impala. Dean jumped into the driver's seat, not arguing when Mick and Jess climbed into the back.

As soon as they were all in, Dean pushed down the pedal, sending baby as fast as she would go. They quickly left the base, but Dean didn't slow down any. He wanted to get back to the bunker as quickly as possible so they had time to make the bunker safe before the British Men of Letter's caught up with them.

Dean glanced to Sam, who was looking whiter than a sheet and breathing deeply. Concern struck him, even though he knew Sam would be fine. He'd had worse than this, but it was more than the gunshot wound Sam had. It was more concern over the British Men of Letter's.

He had a feeling this was far from over.  


	3. A Good Heart

As soon as they reached the bunker, the group sprang into motion. Dean insisted that Sam sat down, despite his protest, and the rest of them pulled out books to search for warding to stop the British Men of Letter's from getting in.

"Damn it! There are about a million books about warding this place from every supernatural creature under the sun, but nothing about keeping humans out?!", exclaimed Dean.

"What about Rowena?", suggested Sam through panted breaths.

"What about her?", shrugged Dean.

"She's a witch and a good one at that. I bet she'd be able to have this place on lock down", reminded Sam.

"Do we really want to get her involved?", hesitated Dean.

"You don't have to like her, but you can't deny she's good. She's the most powerful witch we know. She managed to survive Lucifer snapping her neck and managed to get the mark of you. If she can do that, I'm sure she'll have some spell up her sleeve to keep a bunch of humans out", reasoned Sam. 

"Okay, I'll make the call", agreed Dean as he walked into the kitchen for some quiet.

"Rowena, we need your help", admitted Dean reluctantly, "it's in your best interest too".

* * *

Dean had managed to convince Rowena to come to the bunker. Before heading back and fixing Sam up, Dean dialled Cas' number only to be greeted by his voicemail.

"Dude, what the hell is with you lately? You're never around anymore? We could really do with you down here. Sam's got a bullet in his shoulder and we have some angry Brit's gunning for our heads...and it would just be good to hear from you. Even if you can't come to help us, just give us a call. You're family and we're worried", admitted Dean before switching the phone off. 

As Dean returned to Sam, Jess and Mick, Crowley and Rowena were already there.

"I can't remember calling Crowley", mumbled Dean.

"I don't think we're in the position to be picky about our help", pointed out Sam.

"What do you want this time?", clucked Rowena. 

"We need you to put a spell on the bunker to make it impenetrable", told Sam.

"Yeah. Long story, short, the British Men of Letter's are psycho's and they're out for us. They have a key to this place so we need Rowena to do her thing and make sure the guys that want to kill us, can't get in", explained Dean.

"And we need it to be really tight. They have a lot of resources. Specialised weapons, spell work etc. So we need you to make sure nothing can get through", added Sam. 

"Why would I help you with this?", questioned Crowley.

"The British Men of Letter's aren't your regular hunter's. They are organised and meticulous. They don't care if you've done nothing wrong. If you're not human, they'll kill you. Actually, being human won't even guarantee them letting you live. We may not be blood brother's...", started Dean.

"We might not be, but Sam and I are, right moose?", interrupted Crowley as he smirked at Sam.

"As I was saying, we mostly leave you to your own device's. We stay out of each others way unless we have a mutual problem. The British Men of Letter's aren't like that. They want to get rid of every monster in America and that includes both of you so it's in your interest that you help us because we're fighting someone who you'll want out of the picture as well", finished Dean. 

"Oh, if the British Men of Letter's are the one's in question, I'm in. I have my own score to settle with them from many years ago. If you need help keeping them out whilst you make a plan to end those arrogant imps, you can count on me", seethed Rowena. 

"Thanks", said Dean flatly.

* * *

Rowena got to work on the multiple spells she had said she would use to keep the British Men of Letters out. 

"Will somebody be a darling and carve these sigil's at the entrances of the bunker?" asked Rowena with disingenuous charm. 

"I'll do it", agreed Mick.

"Engrave them into the lock if you can, it'll stop their key from working", instructed Rowena. 

"If your spells are going to work, why do we need to worry about a key?" Questioned Sam.

"With all my magnificent work, a battering ram shouldn't be able to bring that door down, but you never can be too careful", chirped Rowena. 

Mick went of to sort the entrance's out which left himself, Sam, Jess and Crowley at a loose end whilst Rowena worked her magic. 

"So, if it's the British Men of Letter's are a threat, why do we have two of their employee's with us?" Queried Crowley, breaking the silence.

"Look, Jess and Mick were part of the organisation but they picked our side. Jess shot one of their big wigs in the head to save Sam and Mick shot another in his knee caps, the British Men of Letter's want their heads on a plate as much as us. They're with us and we need as many hands on this as we can get", explained Dean.

"Jess? As in Jess, the love of Samuel's life when he was just a wee bonny lad?", gasped Rowena melodramatically. 

"How do you even know about that?" questioned Dean.

"Well, your life stories are immortalised in books written by God himself", smiled Rowena.

"As interesting as this is, back to the subject? If we need all hands on deck, why are we missing your mother dearest and feather's?" asked Crowley.

"We don't have a mom. She chose her side, she's not family and as for Cas, we can't get a hold of him. We don't know what's going on", admitted Dean.

"Well just so you know, we're staying in the bunker until we figure out what to do", informed Crowley.

"Excuse me?!" Exclaimed Dean.

"Once mother has finished with this place, it'll be the safest place away from those pompous arse holes and considering what we're doing for you, we get to stay here while we conjure up a plan of action. I could go to hell, they probably wouldn't look down there, but I hate hell", told Crowley.

"Whatever, we need to figure out how to end these bastards asap", grunted Dean.

"Sam...are you okay?" Jess's shaky voice interrupted the conversation.

Dean looked at Sam. He was pale. Too pale. His clammy skin was grey and had a sheen to it. His eye's were droopy and the blood seemed to pouring from his shoulder still, coating his entire shirt and pooling in the hand that gripped it. He looked like crap which suggested that maybe this bullet wound was more than it seemed. Dean's head automatically flipped through possibilities. Dean was thinking about a bullet shooting through an important artery when Sam tumbled of his chair and slumped unconscious on the floor. 

* * *

Sam was laid out on his bed. Dean had removed the bullet but other than that, he wasn't quite sure what the damage was. He wasn't a doctor, but he did know that it was bleeding way too much and Sam seemed to be in a fair amount of pain. Dean knew the bullet could of hit arteries, nerves, muscle, bone joints or anything and that this was serious. Usually Cas would be around to fix any injuries they had, but he wasn't and Dean couldn't exactly take Sam to the hospital right now. 

Despite hating not being able to get Sam fixed up, Dean did what he could in the moment. He fixed and wrapped Sam up as best as he could and supplied him with the good painkillers and made him drink fluids and eat food, resting after. He also made Crowley fetch bags of Sam's blood type from a hospital and an IV, before Rowena locked the placed down finally. Dean was no doctor but from all the injuries both brother's had faced over the years, Dean knew Sam had lost too much blood and connecting Sam up to an IV made him feel a little better about the grayish pallor of Sam's skin.

Rowena had said that the spells and warding were in place, so everyone was awkwardly doing their own thing whilst Dean took care of his little brother. 

Dean was happy that Sam hadn't been unconscious for too long. Now he just lay on his bed, sickly and looking like a kicked puppy.

"How're you doing?" Asked Dean.

"Probably about the same as you", smiled Sam before wincing.

"Well people are trying to kill us and our mom betrayed us, but that's just another day in the Winchester's household", laughed Dean tightly. 

"Do you think mom will be okay?" Asked Sam quietly.

"Not our problem Sam, she chose her side", stated Dean.

"I know and I don't think things will ever be the same after that, but she's still mom and I know you wouldn't want anything bad to happen to her", noted Sam.

"Why should I care what happens to her? She didn't care what would happen to you", argued Dean, "what was with you anyway, you didn't even argue? You always called dad out, what's different about mom?"

"That was a long time ago. I was a stubborn and pissed off kid, Dean. Things are different now. Honestly? I kind of just wasn't surprised. I felt like I should have been, but I wasn't. In her own head, mom probably convinced herself that she was doing it for us", shrugged Sam.

Dean agreed with Sam, things were different. Dean was always the good soldier. The one who followed order's. Sam was head strong and defiant, refusing to let their dad silence his voice no matter how hurtful John could be. Sometimes when Sam and John were arguing all the time, Dean wasn't fond of that particular trait of Sam's, but he also respected it a hell of a lot. Sam had lost that fire at some point. He'd fight for other's, but he didn't fight for himself and it pissed Dean off to no end.

"What is with you? You should be more pissed with her than I am?!' Exclaimed Dean.

"I just don't have the energy to be pissed and it doesn't matter anyway", shrugged Sam.

"It doesn't matter? She's family Sam and she betrayed us", scowled Dean.

"I still have you", whispered Sam.

Dean's cool composure wavered. Emotion choking up his throat.

"It's always been you and me. Even when dad was alive, you were my real family. When mom came back I was so happy, I mean I never got to meet her and to finally...but we don't need her. We've gone this far without her. Like Bobby said, family doesn't end in blood and sometimes is doesn't start with it either. Look at Bobby, he was more of a dad than our actual dad was. Cas is our family. Ellen, Jo, Kevin, Charlie...they were our family and us? Through everything; the good, the bad and the really bad, we've had each other. That's never going to change and that's all I need. As long as you are around, I know everything will be okay", said Sam, slurring slightly.

The good pain killer's always made Sam dopey and emotional, but Dean knew that Sam meant every word and he agreed. 

"You're right Sammy and I ain't going anywhere", confirmed Dean.

"Now you get some sleep before you start professing your love for Crowley", joked Dean. 

"Kay", agreed Sam sleepily.

Dean chuckled and left his brother to sleep. Although doped up Sam was always fun, Dean's gut twisted as it reminded him of a fevered Sam when he was doing the trials. Dean shook it off, this was nothing like that. It was a simple gsw and once things were okay, Cas would heal it right up. 

Dean walked into the war room where Mick, Jess, Crowley and Rowena sat around awkwardly. 

"How is the moose?" Inquired Crowley. 

"Sleeping", stated Dean.

"So, we got any plans yet?" Asked Dean.

"Honestly? No. We can't just kill all of the British Men of Letter's, some of them are innocent. Most of us were raised to obey them from children. We were brainwashed, but if they are alive then we run the risk of them killing us. However, the British Men of Letter's follow order's so we should probably focus on the elders. If the elders tell everyone to leave us alone, they'll listen", explained Mick.

"Why the hell would the elders ever listen or spare us?", asked Dean.

"They wouldn't and that's where our issue lies", admitted Mick. 

"So what do we do?", wondered Jess.

"You have files in the bunker? We need to look through any files about the Men of Letter's. The Men of Letter's are very big on the code so if we can find a loop hole or something, it could help", suggested Mick.

 "Fine, let's get on it then" agreed Dean

* * *

The bunker had so many files and documents that half of them were of no use what's so ever. The group, minus Sam, had been looking through the bunker, but it was getting late and some of the group was starting to crash.

"I need my beauty sleep", yawned Rowena.

"I'm actually knackered too", added Mick.

"Fine, we have plenty of room's in this place so take your pick. Just stay away from mine and Sam's", grunted Dean.

Rowena and Mick left to get some sleep and Crowley got up to leave too.

"Where are you going? You don't need to sleep, you're a demon", questioned Dean.

"As true as that may be, if I don't take a break from reading a load of dusty old ramblings, I'll kill someone", exaggerated Crowley. 

"Fine, whatever, but don't go messing with anything", ordered Dean. That just left Jess and Dean researching. 

"You can get some sleep if you want", offered Dean flatly. 

"It's okay, I'm not tired. I'll carry on researching. You can go to bed for a bit whilst I research if you want", suggested Jess awkwardly.

"Nah, I'm pretty wired and I need to keep an eye on Sam", said Dean. There was an awkward silence until Jess broke it. 

"I'm guessing you're probably not my biggest fan?" smiled Jess nervously.

"Well, you did kind of kidnap my brother and offer him up to an organisation that wanted to hurt him, but then you did get fed a load of lie's about Sam and have admittedly been through some crap. I think somewhere deep down, you wanted Sam to be okay though because you told me where you were heading. So I have a few mixed feelings about you right now", acknowledged Dean, "No matter what though, Sammy care's about you and you did shoot your boss to save Sam so, I'm giving you a second chance".

"That's very big of you", laughed Jess sarcastically before the room returned to silence.

"Is Sam okay?", asked Jess.

"His shoulder looks messed up but we have an angel friend, more like a brother really and if he decide's to get his feathery ass down here anytime soon, he'll be able to heal Sam", stated Dean.

"Why would he do that? He took a bullet for me after I'd knocked him out, tied him up and took him to the base", wondered Jess quietly as she diverted the conversation. 

"Because that's who is. No matter what the British Men of Letter's told you, Sam's a good guy. He's sacrificed so much for other people", spoke Dean.

"He admitted it though, he admitted they were telling the truth about having visions of my death, about the demon blood and setting Lucifer free", argued Jess.

"It is true, but it's not all black and white. There's a lot of grey in the world. Sam had visions of your death, but he didn't know they were premonitions and he beat himself up about it a lot after you died. I was there through all of the night terrors and guilt, he gave himself a harder time over it than you ever could. As for the demon blood, that was a mistake. He was manipulated and yes, he was wrong, but he was trying to do the right thing. Doing the right thing isn't always easy in our line of work. Sometimes you have to work with the bad guys and do things that don't feel right for the greater good and that means sometimes being wrong and making mistakes. As for setting Lucifer free, Sam isn't solely to blame. There were 66 seals that needed to be broken and Sam only broke one of them. It just so happened to be the last one. I was the one who broke the first seal though and the angels had a hand in it too. It took a lot of things and a lot of people screwing up to set Lucifer free. Sam just gets the blame because he accidentally broke the big 66th", explained Dean, defending his younger brother against opinions even he had held at one point. 

"It's just...I see Sam and he seems so different than the guy I knew when I was in my early 20's, but so similar at the same time. He still seems like the gentle, caring, super smart guy that I loved, but there's also so much darkness there. I mean, even before I knew what you guys did, I saw that he had a complicated past even if he didn't tell me, but it's worse now. He seems so gentle, but so dangerous at the same time and I don't know what to believe. The British Men of Letter's painting a picture of this power mad monster and he doesn't seem like a monster but...I just don't know. Maybe a part of it is that I just don't want to let go of my anger yet. When that demon brought me back, it was tough. I missed 4 years and I lost my family, my entire future and when the British Men of Letter's took me in...I used my anger to push myself forward. To carry on. It fuelled me ever since and I don't know how to move forward without that anger...I don't know why I'm telling you all of this", confessed Jess. 

"I get it, trust me, I do. I spent years searching for revenge on the monster that killed our mother and I thought it would make me feel better, but it never did. Then years later, here I am with my mother very much alive and wanting nothing to do with her. My point is, what you think you need isn't always what you need. I get needing to be angry, but if you need to be angry at anyone then be angry at Azazel or Brady or the British Men of Letter's for manipulating you, hell be angry at our mom for making the deal that caused Azazel to go after Sam in the first place, but go easy on Sam. He's done so much good and has more than made up for any mistakes he ever made", breathed Dean.

"What does that mean?" frowned Jess.

"Sam made things right. After Lucifer was set free, we tried to find a way to take him down and in the end it was Sam. Sam beat Lucifer and saved the entire world. He sacrificed himself", told Dean.

"The British Men of Letter's said they stopped Lucifer and when I asked Sam he told me that they lied? but he never told me he stopped him. He said it was a group effort", told Jess.

"It was Sam. A lot of stuff has happened over the years that you know nothing about", insisted Dean.

"I believe you", nodded Jess, "How did he do it?"

Dean considered what to say. He knew it was Sam's place to tell her, but even Rowena knew their life story thanks to Chuck's books and he figured Jess needed to know. He wouldn't go into the details. Sam could do the emotional crap if he wanted to, but he decided on giving Jess the cold hard facts of the situation. To make her know that the picture the Men of Letter's painted of Sam was wrong. 

"Angel's need consent to possess someone and Lucifer wanted to use Sam as a vessel. Sam refused at first, but in the end he did say 'yes' in order to take back control and control Lucifer as a result", told Dean.

"Take back control? Isn't that impossible?" questioned Jess.

"It's rare and really difficult but it's not impossible. It's difficult to take back control over a low level demon, never mind a freaking archangel. That should be near enough impossible, but Sam did it. He took back control from Lucifer", bragged Dean proudly.

"Then what? That wasn't a solution in itself", queried Jess.

"God put Lucifer in a cage in hell a long time ago blah, blah, blah and basically, we couldn't kill Lucifer so we wanted to put him back in that cage. A way to open the cage is by using the four horsemen of the apocalypse's rings. We had them and when Sam took back control, he opened the cage and jumped in, taking Lucifer down with him and his older brother Michael", explained Dean.

"So, Sam was in a locked cage in hell with the devil?" choked Jess. Dean nodded, saying it out loud still bothered Dean. He hated to think about it.

"How did...shouldn't that have been it? How'd he get out?" wondered Jess.

"It should have been permanent if that's what you mean. I thought it was, but an angel, our buddy Cas, got his physical body out, but wasn't able to manage to get his soul. Soul's are what make us who we are without them we're basically robot's, empty shells and it meant Sam was still being tortured and used as a human stress ball for two very pissed of archangels. We had to get him out, so Death, as in the horseman, retrieved his soul", explained Dean.

"How long?"

"A year and a half, but time works differently in hell so in hell time, he was down there for almost 200 years", sighed Dean tiredly.

"God...no one deserves that. How is he even still standing?" grimaced Jess.

"It caused some problems after, but we figured it out and this was about 6 years ago. So Sam may have had an accidental part in setting Lucifer free, but he fixed it. He saved everyone, the whole world and he has paid the price for it. He's a good guy and we've been through a lot, but we're doing okay right now", noted Dean.

"Sam has a bullet wound and we're all currently in hiding from a huge organisation who want to kill us and that's 'doing okay' for you?", scoffed Jess.

"Trust me, this is a good week for us", joked Dean.

"Well now I'm nervous", teased Jess.

"Trust me, you've seen nothing in terms of how messed up our lives are", grinned Dean.

"I'm beginning to get that", smiled Jess, "Like for one, your mom is alive and Sam said she died when he was a baby".

Dean stiffened at the mention of Mary, his face hardening.

"Sorry, sore subject", apologised Jess.

"It's okay. It's just...complicated", brushed off Dean.

"Yeah, a lot of things are complicated", acknowledged Jess, "but being there for your family shouldn't be. She was wrong...I was wrong too"

"You're right, but in your case, I get it. You did the right thing in the end", replied Dean.

"Shooting a human being in the head was the right thing?" sighed Jess.

"She may have been human, but sometimes the monster's we face are human. You saved Sam and I'm grateful for that", thanked Dean.

After that, the conversation died down, Jess and Dean both got stuck into research. Jess eventually went to bed and Dean fell asleep hunched over the table.

* * *

Dean awoke suddenly a couple of hours later when the book his head rested on was gently removed from under him. 

He jolted up right and scanned for a threat, but it was Jess who had caused the sudden movement.

"Sorry, but you were starting to drool on the paper and anything this old must be important", smiled Jess. 

"What time is it? Is Sammy okay?" Grunted Dean.

"Don't worry mama bear, Sam's still K.O. Its 7am. Rowena and Crowley are the kitchen, Mick is in the library and I have made some breakfast and coffee", informed Jess.

"Coffee sounds awesome. Need to get working and coffee is going to be needed. What's cooking?", inquired Dean.

"I've made Quinoa and chia porridge", told Jess.

Dean scrunched his face up, "What now?"

"It's porridge made from Quinoa, almond milk, spices and chia seeds, layered with fruit", announced Jess proudly.

"Sounds disgusting", frowned Dean.

"It's not disgusting and it's healthy! Quinoa is gluten-free, high in protein and one of the few plant foods that contain all nine essential amino acids. It is also high in fiber, magnesium, B-vitamins, iron, potassium, calcium, phosphorus, vitamin E and various beneficial antioxidants...", began Jess. 

"Okay, calm down Jillian Michael's, I get it! The rabbit foods healthy", sulked Dean. 

"It's for Sam, dumbass. The protein and amino acids are good for tissue growth and repair. Sam needs nutrients with his injury so I made it for him", laughed Jess.

"Do we even have all that crap in our kitchen?" Wondered Dean.

"I made Crowley 'magic' some up", explained Jess, "don't worry, I remember Sam telling me that you like all things grease so I made bacon and all the trimmings for you and everyone else".

"Now we're talking", grinned Dean.

Dean and Jess made their way into the kitchen. Dean instantly started piling his plate with bacon as Jess got a tray and placed Sam's healthy looking goop on it, along with a glass of orange juice and some painkillers.

"Want to take it into Sam?" Asked Jess. 

"You know, this bacon is making me pretty busy...why don't you take it to Sam?" Suggested Dean carefully.

"Is that good idea?" Asked Jess hesitantly.

"I think Sam would like it", nodded Dean

* * *

Jess made her way into Sam's room, carefully balancing the breakfast tray in her hands. Reaching the slightly ajar door, she used her hip to budge it open. 

With a bullet wound, blood loss and heavy duty painkillers, Jess fully expected Sam to be sleeping still, but as the door swayed open, Jess could see Sam struggling around his room. 

Sam had took out his IV, was dressed in jeans and a t shirt and was trying, albeit without success, to slide a plaid shirt over his black t shirt. 

"What are doing?", demanded Jess.

"I was erm...just getting dressed", replied Sam sheepishly.

"You're supposed to be resting", scolded Jess.

"My shoulder is a little messed up, but my legs are just fine", reasoned Sam.

"I brought you breakfast in bed and trust me when I say that I don't make a habit out of bringing breakfast to people's doors, so make the most of it", joked Jess, trying to put Sam at ease. 

Sam nodded and lowered himself back down to his bed, back leaning against the wall. 

"Here", smiled Jess as she placed the tray on his knee. 

"Thank you", said Sam sincerely, "this looks great! Did you make this for everyone?"

"No, this is the healthy option, I cooked bacon for everyone else, but I didn't tell Dean that until after I explained what was in this and all the health benefits of it...he didn't look so enthusiastic", grinned Jess. 

"Oh I can imagine", laughed Sam before starting to eat his breakfast. Jess hovered awkwardly, wanting to say something, but not really knowing what. 

"So, how does your shoulder feel?", asked Jess. Sam paused as he swallowed the spoonful of porridge, analysing Jess's face. 

"You know, I really appreciate breakfast and everything, but...did Dean talk to you? 'Cause it seems like you've taken a bit of u-turn from before and if Dean made you apolo...", began Sam.

"Look, I did talk to Dean last night, but he was perfectly civil and he's not the reason why I'm here", interrupted Jess.

"He's not?" Questioned Sam.

"No. I just...it was my version of an olive branch. I had a big part in how we all came to be in this mess and it may be too little, too late, but I feel bad about it. About knocking you out and taking you to them", admitted Jess.

"You don't have to apologise for anything. You had every right to be angry at me", said Sam quietly.  

"I had no right to do what I did", argued Jess, "The British Men of Letter's made you seem different to what you are. It's seems like the Sam I saw at Stanford was the real Sam just minus the hunting and they sort of made it seem like everything I knew about you was a lie. I thought you were...a monster"

"I get it. If I heard about me on paper, I'd hate me too", shrugged Sam.

There was a further awkward silence and Sam tried to take the edge of the atmosphere by eating more of the breakfast Jess had made. 

"I can see why you looked up to him so much", commented Jess, breaking the ice.

"Huh?" Frowned Sam in confusion.

"Dean. When we were at Stanford you rarely talked about your family, but the few times you did, I could tell how much Dean meant to you. Your body language was just different when you mentioned him, I could always tell that you missed him. That you looked up to him", explained Jess, "I get it, after talking to him for a bit. He loves you and he seems like a good guy".

"He is a good guy", smiled Sam, "The best".

"You're a good guy too, ya know", told Jess softly. 

"Not all good...there's been a lot of bad too", mumbled Sam.

"You're a good guy, Sam. I can see that now", insisted Jess as she placed a hand on Sam's, "Being a good person isn't about never making mistakes. Its about trying to do the right thing. It's about how you make up for those mistakes and trying to learn from them. You have a good heart. I always saw your huge heart back then and now I see that it's still there, maybe even bigger".

"Tha..thank you", stuttered Sam.

"It's true. As much as I told myself that I hated you, I don't think I ever did, not really. I was angry at the world and you were the easiest person to point that anger at. I was messed up when I came back and I'd lost everyone. I lost my family, my friends, you...being angry was the only way I knew how to carry that, but now, I can't be angry at you because I know that this wasn't your fault. You just wanted to go to college and have a normal life and you had every right to want that, you deserved that and all the stuff with the demon...well that fate was chosen for before you were even born and you suffered for that more than anyone. The only person who's truly to blame for that is Azazel and he's dead, right?", asked Jess.

"Yeah, he's dead. He has a few siblings lying around though if killing one of them would make you feel better, but I'd definitely go in with back up because they're prince's of hell and the usual demon stuff doesn't touch them", offered Sam jovially.

"Thanks, I'll bare that in mind", grinned Jess. 

"Thank you though, for what you said and for not hating me anymore", added Sam quietly. 

"Nothing to thank me for", Shrugged Jess, "I mean I guess I probably should be thanking you considering that bullet wound in your shoulder was obtained pushing me out of the line of fire".

"Well you did stop Umbridge 2.0 from putting a bullet in my head so...", smiled Sam.

"So I guess that makes us even", smirked Jess, "Now finish your food! It's good for you".

Sam enthusiastically got stuck in, eating it in no time before starting to get up.

"What are you doing? Who said anything about moving?", questioned Jess.

"I can come and help you guys out, it's just my shoulder. I've had worse", reasoned Sam.

"Fine", conceded Jess, "But when Dean starts sounding off, I tried to get you to lay down, okay? Plus you're going to let me make some kind of make shift sling to keep that shoulder supported".

"Agreed", smiled Sam.

* * *

Dean chomped down on the his bacon, reminding himself to compliment Jess on the food and thinking about a plan of action for what to do about the British Men of Letter's, when Jess re-entered the room.

Dean was surprised to see Sam trailing behind her, looking pasty, but otherwise okay. He had a scarf acting as a sling which Dean would guess was Jess's handy work. 

"What are you doing out of bed?" asked Dean gruffly.

"I told him to stay in bed, just putting that out there", told Jess.

"Dean, c'mon! We've both dealt with more, whilst sporting worse injuries, I can help out with research", said Sam, exasperated. 

"That might be true, but we usually have Cas around to help with the healing process and to tell us how bad it is and Cas isn't here. You could have really messed it up and you lost blood. We can't do anything about it right now, so you should rest", argued Dean.

"Dean, I'm fine. I want to do something and I thought that maybe I could try and hack into the British Men of Letter's database", informed Sam as he lowered himself onto a chair.

"Fine but I swear, if you so much as pale by 1/4 of a shade and you're in that bed until I say so", ordered Dean.

"Okay mom", replied Sam before grimacing slightly at his choice of words.

"Well, if you would stop whining and get some god damn rest, I wouldn't have to tell you what to do", joked Dean and avoiding any awkward moments.

"So, you guys figure anything out last night?" asked Sam.

"We got pipsqueak", reported Mick who had left the library in favour for the kitchen.  

"We are trying to find some leverage on them in terms of their 'code' that they love so much", told Crowley. 

"Yeah, we need to find something that will make them leave us alone because we can't take all of them out. It's unrealistic and not right, they're human's and not all of them are evil. They're just following order's. If we had more time and didn't have a target on our heads we could try to reason with them, but we don't", added Sam.

"Even if we did, we couldn't reason with them, trust me", stated Mick.

"You came around, you helped us", pointed out Dean.

"I had my doubts about my loyalty to the Men of Letter's before I met you two, the recent events were just the final straw", said Mick.

"Okay so, enough chit chat. How about we actually do something?" suggested Crowley.

"Yeah, I say we split up and try to come up with some idea's, hit the books and tell each other if we come up with anything promising", suggested Dean.

"Sounds promising", bit Rowena sarcastically as she rolled her eye's dramatically. 

* * *

Mary paced the corridors in the British Men of Letter's base as she waiting for Ketch to be healed. Apparently the organisation had angel's on their side and Ketch's injuries were being seen too.

Mary was a storm of emotions. She'd lost her boy's. Something she never wanted to do. She knew she'd messed up. She'd allowed Sam to be harmed and Mary knew there was no coming back from that as far as Dean was concerned. She wasn't so sure about Sam and earning his forgiveness. 

Mary had every intention of following Dean's plan, but as she walked through the base, Ketch had caught up with her. They knew that Jess was on her way with Sam and that Dean was most likely planning something to save him so he kept close to Mary, knowing Dean had most likely asked for her help.

Ketch had given her an offer. He'd told Mary that if she stayed out of the way when Jess brought Sam in, then he'd help Mary resurrect John. Ketch had promised that they wouldn't kill either of her son's and that they had the resources to bring back her late husband. 

Despite her current circumstance's, Mary still dreamed of a normal family life. She knew her son's were adults who'd grown up in this world and it was too late to give them the upbringing she had wanted, but she thought she still had time to give them a normal, happy life. As much as Ketch was problematic, Mary took him as a man of his word and she trusted that Sam and Dean would be alive and that she'd get her husband back. 

She thought her sons would understand. It wasn't the perfect situation, but Ketch was onto her anyway so she wouldn't be able to follow through with Dean's plan. At least this way, they all got something out of it.

They'd get John.

She was expecting some resistance from Dean because of his fierce protectiveness over Sam, but she hadn't quite expected what she'd got. She knew that Ketch coming to her after her phone call with Dean, would mean nothing to him. Even if Ketch had of straight up heard their conversation, Dean would have wanted her to fight them. To do whatever it took to help Sam. To help him, to help family. But their family was incomplete and Mary needed her husband. She thought Dean would be thrilled at the prospect of having John back. She knew that John had changed after she died, but he was still their father and she really did think she was doing the right thing.

At least that's what she convinced herself. Truthfully, she did love Sam and Dean, but there was sort of a disconnect there. Especially with her youngest. Dean had been a little older when she had died. Four years old was still so young, but she'd at least got to experience his personality and traits. Despite the hardened man, hunting had made Dean, she still caught glimpses of that goofy, gentle and sweet little boy. She recognised Dean to the child she had more than she could with Sam. Sam was only 6 months old when she had died. She didn't really know him at all. He hadn't had time to develop any kind of distinctive personality traits that would make her recognise the adult version of him she had now. But she did love them both, she just sometimes forgot that they were actually her boys, that they were the children she'd given birth to. Plus she missed John. Apart of Mary believed that John would fill the gap and mend all the wrongs she felt since Amara had brought her back. She also just wanted the man she loved back in her life.

So as much as Mary convinced herself that she did it all for the right reasons and that her son's were her number one priority, the guilt that buried its way into her gut reminded her that there was more to it than she was telling herself. It was telling her that Dean was right.

Mary squashed it down and continued to tell herself that it was her only option. That she couldn't help her boys anyway and this way, they'd be alive and with a father, but flashes of the devastated faces of her boy's assaulted her mind. She saw Dean's shock and fury and the underlying bone deep sorrow in his eye's. She saw the heart breaking mixture of sadness and acceptance on Sam's bruised face, like he'd been expecting something like this. In that moment, the experienced 30+ year olds looked so boyish and small that she could have sworn she felt her heart legitimately shatter. When these images flashed through her mind, her resolve shattered and all of the things she told herself so she was able to sleep at night became meaningless. She'd driven her sons away, betrayed them and made them hate her. 

Mary felt her breath catch in her throat and she though she might hyperventilate, but she schooled herself and regained composure. Just in time too, as a healed Ketch sauntered out of the door. 

"Ketch, your healed", stated Mary.

"Apparently so. Mary, let's cut to the chase. You're either with us or against us and trust me when I say that you do not want to be against us. However, your sons have become a massive pain in the arse and their friends managed to kill one of our elder's and injure me greatly so they have to go. So what's it going to be Mary? Us or them?"

* * *

 

 


	4. In The Line Of Fire

Sam hit the the buttons on the laptop keyboard a little too hard, his frustration growing stronger. He was still trying the break the British Men of Letter's system, but it was pretty tight. Sam was usually quite patient, but a mixture of emotional and physical pain were causing his stress levels to sky rocket. 

As much as Sam meant what he said to Dean about being okay as long as they had each other, it didn't mean what Mary did, didn't hurt. Sam felt weirdly numb to it. He couldn't quite put a finger on what he was feeling due to a detachment from the situation. Maybe it was the painkillers making him foggy or the regularity of life throwing them curveballs, but whatever it was, it frustrated Sam. That along with the agony his shoulder was giving him, made Sam feel testy and he really needed something to go there way round about now. He masked the pain because he could handle it and knowing it would only make Dean worry more.

As he continued to attempt to hack into the British Men of Letter's system, he wondered what Mary was doing. Dean had made it clear she wasn't welcome, but Sam wondered if she'd stayed with the British Men of Letters or gone her own way. Something close to betrayal festered in Sam's stomach, but it subsided before it could take root into something bigger. Sam almost wished he felt the anger and absolute indignation that Dean did. Maybe it would be easier to cut her off completely that way. But Sam didn't feel that way. Searching for his own emotions, Sam realised that he felt nothing. There was no anger, but there was no forgiveness either. He just felt hollow. 

This wasn't new to him and he understood it. With the situation with their mom, Jess and all of the crap with the British Men of Letter's, Sam's emotions were overloaded with stimuli and when that happened, Sam's brain usually shut down. Being unable to process the plethora of emotions his brain was transmitting, it just shut down and instead, he felt nothing. Sam understood it but he hated it that empty feeling.

"Any luck?" asked Dean, breaking Sam from his thoughts.

"No", sighed Sam, "You?"

"Nah. It's weird, give me a supernatural fugly any day of the week over dealing with humans", groaned Dean.

"I second that", agreed Sam, "Anyone else had any luck?"

Sam had been staying away from the rest of the group, only really interacting with Dean. As much as he appreciated Crowley and Rowena's help, he didn't feel like dealing with their crap right now. As for Mick, he was a virtual stranger and he felt vulnerable being trapped in the bunker with anyone besides Dean. 

"No, Mick thinks that the British Men of Letter's would back off if the American chapter was still in full force. They are very much about the code and if the American chapter were around to handle their own hunter's, they'd probably stay out of it. They'd consider it none of their business, but with our Men of Letter's pretty much disbanded, they seem to have taken it upon themselves to fix America", explained Dean.

"But we are American Men of Letter's and they're trying to kill us", countered Sam.

"Yeah, but we're hunter's. They have 'elder's' who run the show and they say how things go. If we had a similar system they would leave it up to our elder's to handle things but we don't", added Dean.

"So we're screwed?", sighed Sam.

"Well Jess thinks we need to make an ally out of one of their elder's. Either through reason or blackmail. That's why I wondered if you'd cracked this. If you can hack into ther system, we can get information on the elder's", told Dean, "Why don't you join every one? Jess is smart, she could help you with this whilst I try to figure something else out with the other's?"

Sam had also been avoiding Jess. Sam was grateful to Jess for forgiving him and Sam knew that from her point of view, things were good between them. Jess had let him off the hook, but that didn't mean that Sam had forgiven himself. Jess's presence, whilst amazing, was all so a constant reminder of his mistakes. A reminder of the people he'd hurt. He couldn't look at her without feeling a sharp pang of guilt. Sam didn't know what had gotten into him. Guilt was a burden all too familiar to Sam and Dean. It had become a constant in their lives over the years, they wore their guilt like an accessory that never went out of style. They'd almost gotten used to it. It still sucked, but it became an extension of them that they had learned to exist with. But this time, Sam couldn't push it down and get on with things. He needed to snap out of this funk, but he couldn't, so instead he isolated himself as he grew more and more frustrated. 

"You know, it's probably better to work individually. Cover more ground that way", stated Sam. 

"Okay, I'll just sit right here and research", announced Dean as he dug out some file's and slatted them down on the table. He sat in Sam's vicinity, noticing his brother's quietness, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine", reassured Sam, "What about you? Heard anything from Cas yet?"

"No, when he finally get's here, I'm going to kick his ass", grumbled Dean. Sam knew that Dean was more worried than he was annoyed. Cas often did his own thing, but to go this long with no word what so ever, was unusual. 

"He's probably just busy and lost track of time. He'll be fine", assured Sam as he tried to ease Dean's worry and his own. 

The truth was, Sam had passed worried about Cas a week ago and had drifted into hysterical territory, but he was keeping it cool for Dean. Dean was worried enough for the both of them and Sam guessed that he needed reassurance, not Sam's anxieties on top of his own. 

"Yeah....anyway, I asked Rowena about the warding and she says she's targeted the Men of Letter's directly. Apparently there is a pendant that all British Men of Letter's are given when they are recruited and Rowena took Mick's in order to cater specifically to the Men of Letter's which means that Cas should be able to get in still", explained Dean.

"Good", said Sam, "...do you think they'll really bring him back?"

"Will what bring who back?" Frowned Dean. 

"Dad. Do you think the British Men of Letter's will really bring him back if mom works for them?", asked Sam.

"I don't know. I mean, I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them, but who knows if they're telling the truth about this", admitted Dean.

"God, imagine if he did come back?" scoffed Sam.

"Things have definitely changed", nodded Dean.

"If he found out what happened in the years following his death, he'd kill me", stated Sam emotionlessly.

"Both of us. Imagine if he knew that I was a demon at one point", added Dean.

"Yeah, but that wasn't your fault. The mark made you into one. I chose to drink demon blood and almost ended the world because of it. He'd definitely be ready to kill me", stated Sam, laughing humourlessly.

"Yeah well, all that's in the past. We've come a long way from who we used to be. I think dad would be proud of who we are now", noted Dean.

"Yeah, I'm not so sure about that. Doesn't really sound like dad. If they do bring him back, we'll have a mom that doesn't really give a crap and a dad who might kill one of us...probably me", laughed Sam sourly. 

"If you're worrying about dad's reaction if they do bring him back, don't. Mom's out after what she did and if dad comes back and acts like a dick then he can be out too. Nothings going to come between us. Not mom or dad, so quit worrying...For the record, I think dad would be proud of you and as much as he had his faults, he would never have done what Mary did. I hope she's ready for an earful if they do bring him back and he finds out what she did", thought Dean aloud.

"It would be so weird seeing them both together...I never saw that side of either of them. The average joe, homely side...It's hard to imagine. I guess I can see why she did what she did. They promised not to kill me, what's a bit of torture to get her husband back", claimed Sam.

"Dad's been dead for years now and he would have said 'what's dead should stay dead' and it definitely wasn't worth getting you hurt. Isn't that supposed to be some sort of motherly instinct? To make sure their kids don't get hurt?", grunted Dean.

"Maybe it doesn't work like that if you've been dead for over 30 years and your baby is an adult that you don't even recognise", sighed Sam. 

"Whatever, I'm finished talking about her. It's done, we're through with her", insisted Dean.

"Okay, so now we just need a way to get...", Sam began until a heavy thud broke his sentence.

Dean and Sam turned in the direction of the noise, both wondering if the British Men of Letter's had somehow managed to get into the bunker, but the reality was so much worse.

A bloody and unconscious form slumped boneless on the floor. The tan trench coat was saturated with blood and the face of the figure was swollen and bloody. 

"Cas?", choked Dean.

* * *

Mary slumped down onto the bed in her room. She was glad to get some time away from Ketch. Finally away from prying eye's, she allowed herself to let go of the mask that she wore and her face crumpled into something close to a grimace as she let the recent events sink in. 

Ketch had offered her a deal. With them or against them. With them and she would get her husband back. Against them and she'd be killed. She knew that if she continued to work for the British Men of Letter's, her boy's would never forgive her, but she worried that, that bridge was already burned. At least if she worked with them, she may be able to stop Ketch from killing them or at least warn the boy's. Mary was reasoning with herself, but she knew that her ability to know what the right thing to do was kinda off lately. 

Ketch hadn't told her what they planned on doing about her son's and their allies, but Mary guessed they wouldn't just let them off the hook for this. She needed to find out what Ketch's game plan was. 

Mary had a connection with Ketch, but for Mary it was completely physical. Mary had thought it would be the same for Ketch considering he appeared to have all of the emotional depth of a rock, but she sensed something weird with him. A hesitation from him when she'd laid down what it was between them. She could have sworn that he almost seemed disappointed when she told him not to read into what happened with them. 

If Ketch cared for Mary even a little bit, she may be able to have some leverage with him. He might listen to her. It was a long shot and Mary doubted any kind of emotional attachment Ketch may feel towards her, would not override the sense of loyalty to the British Men of Letter's, but she could try. She needed to get Ketch on side and ensure that they didn't try and kill her son's. She needed to do this, even if they never talked to her again, she needed to make sure they stayed alive.

* * *

"Jesus, Cas, wake up buddy", ordered Dean softly as he and Sam knelt down beside's their friend. 

"Is he...dead?" asked Mick quietly, as he joined the brother's after hearing the sound of Cas' body crash to the floor.

"No!", yelled Sam and Dean in unison.

"Cas, c'mon dammit!", growled Dean.

"It's okay, wake up...wake up, Cas", coaxed Sam gently.

Dean tapped Cas' face lightly and went to his shoulder's, shaking them slightly.

Dean and Sam exchanged a brief and worried glance. They both were afraid that Cas was gone, but neither were willing to accept it.

"Open your eye's now!" demanded Dean as he shook Cas a little harder. 

Cas' eye's snapped open, alert and searching. The brother's sighed in relief and tension rolled of their backs. As Cas took in their familiar faces, he relaxed too.

"You have no idea how pleased I am to see you both", coughed Cas.

"Right back at you buddy", laughed Dean in relief, "You look like crap, what happened to you?"

"The angel's happened", grimaced Cas as he began to sit up.

"Hold up, you look pretty hurt", instructed Dean.

"Are you going to be okay?" questioned Sam.

"I should be fine. I can heal myself. I am weak so it'll take time to be able to heal myself fully, but I will survive", stated Cas.

"Okay, but you need to lay down", added Dean as he and Sam hoisted Cas up and supported him into a bedroom. 

Cas sunk into the bed as he rested his shaky hand onto his forehead. A blue light illuminated from his hands but nothing appeared to change.

"You don't look any different", noted Dean.

"I have healed the most serious injuries and it has taken a lot of energy. I will need to do it in stages", reminded Cas.

"Fine, then we'll have to take care of you in the traditional way", announced Dean.

* * *

Dean had thrown some fresh clothes in Cas' direction and he and Sam went to fetch what he needed. When they got back, Cas had some sweat pants on, a t-shirt and was struggling to put on a hoodie. It was strange seeing Cas in different clothes. Sam and Dean helped Cas put his arms through the hoodie and Dean ordered him to lie back down. 

Dean placed a bowl and a cloth down and Sam brought out a first aid box.

"What are you doing?" asked Cas.

"If it's going to take a while for you to heal then we're going to help you the human way, in the mean time", explained Dean, "Sam, you can't stitch him up with that shoulder. Here, you clean and I'll stitch".

"Fine", agreed Sam, "This will help you along until you can fully heal yourself, Cas"

"Thank you...I thought you would be angry that I have been gone", admitted Cas tiredly. 

"Well it doesn't look like you've been out partying whilst we've been worrying about you", frowned Dean, "What the hell happened?"

"I returned to heaven. An angel reached out to me and convinced me to go back. I wanted to mend bridges in heaven. They are my family", breathed Cas.

"Yeah, some family. You showed up here half dead", scoffed Dean.

"Yes, well, not all angel's were so enthusiastic about my return after everything that I have done. The more supportive angel's convinced them to give me a chance, but some were just waiting for an opportunity to take me down. Many had concerns that my true loyalty remained with humanity. With you two. When I heard your calls, I wanted to leave heaven to help you, but it's safe to say that when certain angel's found out that I was once again, going to leave heaven to help the Winchester's...well, they weren't happy about. I was taken by a group of angel's with a personal grudge against me. Their friends, members of their garrison had been among the angel's that I slaughtered all those years ago after I destroyed Sam's wall and took in the souls from purgatory. They tortured me, but I managed to escape. I still have friends in heaven, angel's that support me.Two angel's, Hiram and Apphia, helped me to escape from heaven alive", explained Cas. 

"You were lucky. Do you realise how much worse this could have been? You know how some of them feel about you, did you really think they were all just going to welcome you back with open arms?! It was stupid Cas and you should have told us where you were going!", yelled Dean.

"Dean, they are my family. I had to try", sighed Cas.

"We're your family!" Exclaimed Dean.

"Dean...", warned Sam quietly.

"I know you are my family. You two will always be my family, but the angel's are my family too. They are my brother's and sister's and I hurt them. I wronged them and I needed to at least try", reasoned Cas.

"Yeah and we totally get that, right Dean?", said Sam as he tossed Dean a stern look. One that told him to go easy on Cas.

"Yeah, whatever. Just, next time you decide to go back to a place full of powerful being's that resent you, at least let us know", grumbled Dean. 

"I will", smirked Cas, "So what happened with you two?"

"Long story", sighed Dean.

"Well, I have nothing else to do whilst you clean and stitch my wounds", grimaced Cas.

"Well Jess is really back. She's been alive for year's", started Sam.

"I thought that I saw her in the bunker, but I was partially unconscious so I couldn't be certain...that must be difficult for you, Sam", offered Cas.

"Yeah, especially when she's working for the British Men of Letter's who ordered her to kidnap Sam and bring him to them. We don't know what they wanted with Sam, but it definitely wouldn't have been good. Thankfully, Jess saw saw sense when some old hag threatened to shoot Sam and she shot the hag to save Sam", added Dean, "Then Mick shot Ketch in the knee's and we knocked the other guys out and then escaped. We knew they'd want us dead after that so we asked Rowena and Crowley to ward the place against human's because they have a key to this place and that's where we're at now. Me, Sam, Jess, Ketch, Crowley and Rowena all stuck in here trying to figure a way out of this mess and wondering where you were".

"And Mary? Is Mary okay?" Questioned Cas. 

"She's fine", snapped Dean.

"So she's here too?" Asked Cas.

"We need more gauze and stuff...I'll go get some", told Dean as he walked out of the bedroom.

Cas frowned, understanding that some thing was going on that he wasn't aware of, but not knowing what.

"Sam?", asked Cas.

"Our mom is a bit of a sore topic with Dean right now", shrugged Sam.

"I don't understand", frowned Cas.

"Mary is still with the British Men of Letter's", explained Sam.

"She's still with them? Even after they were planning on harming you?"

"Yeah, they told her that if she cooperated and worked with them, they'd bring our dad back and she agreed", told Sam as his jaw clenched.

"She was willing to die for you both before I killed Billie, it just doesn't seem to make sense", pondered Cas.

"Apparently they promised not to kill me. They weren't planning anything good, probably a repeat of Toni's handy work, but they said they wouldn't kill me. I guess she thought whatever they did to me would be worth bring our dad back", guessed Sam.

"I understand Dean's hostility towards her now", nodded Cas.

"Yeah, he told her there was no coming back from it. He told her she wasn't our mother", recalled Sam.

"Do you feel the same way?"

"Yeah...I don't know, maybe. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I am angry at her. She put Dean at risk with what she did, too", admitted Sam, "Anyway, how are you feeling?"

"Sore. Stupid. I should have seen this coming", sighed Cas.

"Give yourself a break, we can all lose our heads when family is involved. You were trying to do the right thing", reassured Sam. 

"Got the gauze", announced Dean as he re-entered the room. 

"Yeah, I've finished cleaning them. If you've got this covered, I'll go check on everyone else and make sure no one's killed anyone", laughed Sam.

"Yeah and make sure Crowley doesn't drink all of the good whiskey", ordered Dean.

Sam left the room and a tense silence fell over Cas and Dean.

"Dean, I should have told you I was returning to heaven", apologized Cas, offering an olive branch. 

"Yeah, you should have! But I get it. I'm not mad, we were just worried", admitted Dean as he softened.

"If there was any chance of reconciliation before, that chance has gone now"

"Well, you still have us", replied Dean. 

"I know and I am sorry about Mary" rasped Cas.

"So Sam got chatty when I was fetching the gauze", muttered Dean.

"He said that Mary was working with the British Men of Letter's", answered Cas.

"Yeah, she said she was going to help us, but then she let us get taken in by them. She was prepared to let Sam get tortured by a bunch of sociopaths so that she could get her own way. There's no coming back from that", insisted Dean.

"I have done unforgivable things too, but you forgave me", stated Cas.

"This is different", denied Dean.

"Dean, I broke Sam's wall. I allowed Sam to come to harm"

"Thanks for the reminder", scoffed Dean, "But you thought you had to do it to stop Raphael, to save the world. You planned on putting things right until the Leviathans messed you up and you did put things right eventually. Plus, Mary is supposed to be our mom. Parents are supposed to look out for their kids".

"I am not arguing with you, Mary was wrong and you must feel betrayed, but you might not always feel as angry as you do now", reasoned Cas.

"I will always feel this way...even if Sam doesn't care", said Dean bitterly.

"I doubt that Sam doesn't care. I would imagine this would affect him deeply. He's likely just over whelmed", said Cas.

"I know, I didn't mean that he didn't care...he just seems weird", sighed Dean.

"In what way does he seem weird?" Inquired Cas.

"I don't know. He's closing himself off from everyone", stated Dean quietly.

"There's been a lot for him to process with Jess being back too. He needs time, Dean", said Cas solemnly.

"Yeah, you're right", sighed Dean. 

* * *

Ketch stood rigidly as he overlooked the man who was preparing the concoction. Ketch had made sure that Mary stayed away from this. He didn't need her knowing what their plans were.

Dr Hess had died needlessly. The gun to Sam Winchester's head was purely a threat. She wouldn't have killed him, at least not at that point because they had other plans for Sam. Now Jessica Moore had to die too. Ketch would certainly take great pleasure in killing Mick Davies after the stunt he pulled. 

Ketch wasn't stupid though. He knew it would be fruitless to go barging to that bunker of there's. If the Winchester's had any sense at all, they'd have protected the bunker somehow. They had probably enlisted the help of one of their many unsavoury allies. Charging there would achieve nothing. No, it was better to lure their prey out. Which is what brought Ketch here. The British Men of Letter's had a whole staff of individuals who were talented in the art of witchcraft and spells. It was also convenient that Sam had been shot in the shoulder at this very base. They had his blood and that proved to be handy. Using Sam Winchester's blood, a spell had been concocted to warp Sam's mind. They were starting off slow, not making a sudden change in Sam to obvious to his vigilant older brother, but soon enough, the spell will effect Sam's emotional well being. It will work by attacking existing emotions and events and warp them until they are exaggerated. Sam will become sullen and depressed. He will isolate himself and begin to believe that he does not belong with his brother or in the bunker. It will bring Sam to the point of despair and soon enough, he will believe the only answer is to leave. Sam will leave the bunker and his brother and then he will be vulnerable. Once they are at that point, Ketch will take him and deliver him to Dr Harrison. Dr Harrison was another elder in the British Men of Letter's. He's highly respected. He's strict and absolute and was compelled to travel from Britain to the US after the death of Dr Hess. Ketch will deliver Sam to Dr Harrison on a silver platter and use Sam for their intended purposes before eliminating him. The rest of the motley crew will surely follow, intent on rescuing Sam and then Ketch shall kill each and everyone of them too. The plan was going to work. The spell was fool proof and Ketch was confident. 

Ketch had developed something close to an emotional attachment to Mary, as much as it pained him to admit it, even to himself. That's why he was ensuring that this was kept from her. It wasn't because he was afraid she'd ruin their plans because he believed that she would eventually choose to work for the British Men of Letter's anyway. Mary liked to believe that she was all about family, but she barely seemed to want to be around her son's at all. They were strangers to her and her need to bring back her dead husband was probably enough to turn a blind eye to her children being hurt. Something about thinking of Mary with another man stirred up unpleasant emotions for Ketch, but he suppressed them. Ketch did believe that ultimately, she'd choose to bring back her husband over saving the children she didn't really know, but she would feel conflicted about it. She'd feel guilt and she may not be able to get over it and the part of Ketch that cared for Mary wanted to save her from that guilt.

So now Ketch stood watch, as a pale and scrawny man prepared the second in a long line of spells, that will bring Sam Winchester to his knee's. He did so whilst ensuring Mary was preoccupied in a hunt. 

"The spell is ready Mr Ketch. It will make the subject sink further into emotional turmoil", announced the man.

"Good, get to it then"

* * *

Sam knocked on Cas' door and wandered in.

"How are you doing?", asked Sam.

"I'm okay. I have managed to heal myself some more. The injuries are mostly superficial now. They hurt, but they won't kill me and I have netflix", grinned Cas.

"Well, good, I'm glad you're doing better", laughed Sam as he peered at the TV screen, "Teen Wolf?"

"Yes, Claire mentioned it before so I gave it a try. This show depicts hunters in quite a negative light, but I suppose some hunter's can be quite abrasive. Their depictions of werewolves are not entirely accurate either", stated Cas seriously. 

"Yeah well, the media rarely gets things accurate", smirked Sam.

"That's true. Angel's for example, are warriors of heaven, as the bible states, but in popular culture we are depicted much more placid...Anyway, how is your shoulder?", asked Cas.

"It's okay", shrugged Sam.

"No it's not, I can tell that you're in a lot of pain" countered Cas.

"Then why ask if you already know?" laughed Sam.

"Isn't it customary? I believe it is good social etiquette to ask how someone is when they are injured or sick", rambled Cas.

"Cas, forget it okay, it's not that bad", smiled Sam.

"It is. The bullet hit the articulation of your shoulder joint and has done considerable damage. Bullet fragments still remain. You lost a lot of blood and you would have died if Dean hadn't have given you DIY blood transfusions. The function in your arm and shoulder would be severely limited if seen by a human doctor, but thankfully, I can heal what regular doctors can't. But I suppose given that you have been tortured by Lucifer, this probably isn't so bad", mumbled Cas.

"Are you okay?" questioned Sam, noticing that Cas seemed a little drunk.

"Yes, Dean gave me some pills for pain. I wasn't sure if they'd work on me, given that I'm an angel, but they are remarkable", grinned Cas.

"Yeah, he's given you the good stuff", laughed Sam.

Without warning, Cas placed a finger on Sam's head. Sam flinched, shocked by the sudden movement, but relaxed as he felt the pain melt away and sensation come back to his hand. 

"You healed it", stated Sam, "You were supposed to be conserving energy to heal yourself"

"I will survive and that shoulder needed fixing...you're welcome by the way", frowned Cas.

"Yeah, thanks Cas", laughed Sam, "I better get back to work"

"I shall come with you", announced Cas as he began to get up.

"Hey, hold on! You're supposed to be resting", scolded Sam.

"I am healed enough and the 'good pill's' helped the pain", argued Cas.

"Fine, but hold onto my shoulder", relented Sam.

The two of them stumbled into the war room where the other's were lost in paperwork.

"What are you doing up?" questioned Dean as he looked up from the book he was buried in.

"I have healed myself enough to be up and about", answered Cas.

"How many painkillers did you give him?" asked Sam as he guided Cas into the chair.

"About 5", admitted Dean.

"5? Those are hardcore painkillers, Dean", protested Sam.

"Yeah well, he's an angel so I figured he'd need more. I'm surprised he's not sleepy...that's what strong painkiller's usual do, but I guess considering angel's don't sleep, they just make them drunk", laughed Dean.

"You think?" Replied Sam as he rolled his eye's. 

"I'm here to help", announced Cas. 

"Read through these", instructed Dean as he slid some file's over to Cas.

"I'm just going to go in the library", excused Sam as he wandered into the library, carrying his laptop under his arm.

Sam felt weirdly uncomfortable around the other's. He wanted to be alone and away from everyone.

* * *

Sam fiddled with the bottom of his flannel, lost in thought. A dark cloud had fallen over Sam. He was familiar with it, he'd fallen under it before, but this was sudden and unexpected. Sam hadn't seen it coming because there was a job at hand. Usually he could stow his feelings until the threat was dealt with. Like when they were dealing with the darkness. Sam felt like locking himself in his room and never coming out when Cas had let Lucifer in and he was roaming the bunker, but they needed to save people, they had a job to do and Sam focused on that and buried his feelings. 

Now they were trying to find a way out of the mess with the British Men of Letter's and Sam needed to snap out of it, but he couldn't. He felt a suffocating sadness engulfing him. 

_You're the reason everyone is in this mess_

_The British Men of Letter's are going to kill them all_

_They're going to die and it's your fault_

_Just more names on list of people you've hurt_

_More blood on your hands_

_If they'd have got you, they would have left everyone else alone_

_You're the reason Jess died_

_You're the reason Mary died_

_You're the reason Dean hates Mary_

_You're to blame for it all_

_You're going to lose Dean_

_You're not going to save him_

_You can never save him_

_You're going to be alone_

The vicious thoughts attacked Sam and he wanted to argue with his own mind, but he found himself agreeing. He knew he was wallowing in these negative thoughts and Dean would be stronger. Dean was always stronger. 

"Hey, what's up with you?" Asked Dean, startling Sam.

"Still trying to break into their computers" sighed Sam.

"What's going on with you? You seem off. Cas has healed your shoulder so what is it?" Demanded Dean.

"I'm fine...I'm just tired", shrugged Sam.

"Well, why don't you get some sleep? We can handle it whilst you get your beauty sleep", offered Dean with a laugh, but his face was tense with concern.

"It's late...are you going to sleep?" Asked Sam.

"Sure I will", grinned Dean.

"Sure you will", groaned Sam.

"Seriously dude, you look dead on your feet. In fact, I've seen corpses who have more color in their cheeks and who look more cheerful, than you. Go to bed. You'll have a better chance at cracking their computers when your feeling better", instructed Dean.

Sam agreed begrudgingly, feeling useless, but the call of his bed overpowering the need to be helpful. Sam shut his bedroom door, revelling in the privacy. No other faces to remind him of the people he'd hurt. His brother more than anyone.

He collapsed on his bed as sleep took him.

* * *

Dean groaned, fed up with sitting around, waiting for an answer to the problem. 

"What if we re-established the American Men of Letter's?" Wondered Jess.

"They're dead", stated Dean flatly.

"Not all of them. You and Sam are legacies, there must be other legacies too", said Jess.

"There is, we met one. Eileen, she's a good hunter and a legacy, but even if there was more out there, it would make no difference. The British Men of Letter's wouldn't respect them or listen to them", answered Dean.

"Maybe we don't need them to respect them, maybe we just need an even fight?" Suggested Jess.

"They have a lot of people in their organisation", hesitated Dean.

"There has to be a lot of legacies too and hunter's! We can ask hunter's to help, we can fight", enthused Jess.

"It's not a solid plan. It's flawed and probably a suicide mission....but it's the only plan we have come up with so far", nodded Dean, "We should look through the records of membership and look into their families. We need to see if they have legacies who are aware of the supernatural. Get on the computers, I'll go get the records", told Dean.

* * *

Dean strode through the bunker. He still thought this plan wasn't going to work, but he was happy to at least have a more solid focus. As he walked through the bunker, he decided to walk passed Sam's room. Call it brotherly instinct or paranoia, but Dean always liked to be sure that Sammy was okay, even if he was only sleeping. 

Dean stuck his head around the door. Sam was asleep and restless. His face was pinched into a frown and he tossed and turned on his bed. Dean scowled, guessing Sam's dreams weren't pleasant, but this was nothing new. Sam had always had a rough time sleeping, but Dean was happy enough that he was at least getting some sleep so Dean continued up the hallway. 

Dean was only a few steps up the hallway when he was stopped in his tracks by the sounds of shouting.

Sam's shouting.

Dean hastily ran back to his little brother's room and swung the door open. His suspicions were right. There was no threat or monster, Sam's screams were the product of a nightmare. 

Sam tossed his head from side to side as he yelled out. Dean edged closer to Sam, wanting to snap him out of it, but knowing that waking someone up during a nightmare wasn't completely smart. 

"Please...stop....m'sorry...sorry Dean", moaned Sam. The use of his name caused Dean to pause and the tear that fell from Sam's closed lid caused Dean to leap into action. Dean decided not to give a damn about the repercussions of waking up Sam because he couldn't stand watching his baby brother beg and cry.

"Sam! C'mon buddy, wake up", coaxed Dean as he shook his lanky brother's, shoulders. 

It took a minute, but Dean's coaxing worked and Sam's eye's snapped open. He scrambled out of bed, getting tangled in the bed sheets and falling ungracefully on his ass. After a while of staring bewildered at Dean, Sam seemed to take stock of the situation. Recognition swept over his face as he blushed a little.

"Nightmare", stated Sam quietly.

"Yeah and you were screaming bloody murder", added Dean, "Want to talk about it?"

"Nah, it's just a dream", answered Sam as he got back up, "Sorry".

"Nothing to apologise for, Sammy", grinned Dean as he carefully studied his brother.

Sam's face was serious and his mind was else where. Dean knew that Sam wasn't okay. Dean always knew. Sam had always suffered from nightmares and they were usually a way for Dean to gauge how Sam was.

As much as Sam was always trying to get Dean to talk about his feelings, he often kept tight lipped when it came to his own. Not wanting Dean to worry or for himself to appear weak, Sam often hid his pain until it leaked out when he slept, but Dean didn't understand what was wrong this time. He knew things were a mess with their mom and Jess being back, but Sam usually handled it better. Something seemed to be effecting him badly and Dean had no idea what to do if Sam wasn't going to talk. 

"I'm going to get back to work", said Sam to his older brother.

"Okay", sighed Dean.

* * *

Sam researched the name's of past members, hoping to find some legacies. He'd been informed of Jess's plan and had joined them in trying to find people to recruit. Jess had took over trying to hack into the British Men of Letter's system whilst Sam had joined Dean and Mick in researching legacies. 

"It's late, I'm going to sleep", yawned Mick. 

"Yeah, whatever. Rowena and Crowley have already bailed anyway and Jess went to get some rest too so you might as well", sighed Dean.

"Dean, you should get some sleep too. I'm guessing you've barely slept since we've been back at the bunker. I'm freshly healed and caught some earlier, I can hold the fort", offered Sam.

"I'm not tired", protested Dean as he stifled a yawn.

"Course you're not", said Sam as he rolled his eye's.

"Fine, couple of hours tops...Will you be okay by yourself?" asked Dean.

"I'm 34 Dean, I can go a couple of hours without a baby sitter", snapped Sam.

"Fine, whatever", exclaimed Dean in annoyance before walking out.

Sam sighed and ran a hand over his face. He hadn't meant to snap at Dean, he knew he was only concerned, but Sam was at the end of his rope.

Sam thought over all of the things that had gone wrong in their lives and the common denominator in everything was him. Sam started to think about how different Dean's life could have been if Sam wasn't in it. He could have been happy. 

Sam squeezed the bride of his nose and told himself that he need to stop with the self pity and concentrate on fixing their current problem. 

_You're the current problem_

Sam bent back the laptop screen in anger, breaking the screen and the keyboard clean apart. A clear indicator of his mental state, considering how much he loved his laptop.

Sam felt so lost and alone. He was causing suffering to everyone he cared about. If Sam was stronger, he'd fix it. He'd stay away from Dean and Cas, they'd be mad, but it'd be for the best.

They'd be so much better off. 

Depressing trains of thought soon switched to a plan of action and before Sam could think through the logic of what he was about to do, he was packing. Sam was in his own room, filling a duffel bad with his things. 

Sam didn't pack much, he just needed to separate himself from Dean. It would keep him safe. Sam considered the spell Rowena had cast. It was designed to keep the British Men of Letter's out, but whether it would keep him in was another story. Sam carried his duffel bag into the kitchen and found Rowena delicately sipping a cup of tea. 

"Going somewhere, Samuel?", clucked Rowena.

"I was hoping to find you, actually", told Sam.

"Me? How intriguing", smirked Rowena.

"I need your help, but first, I need you to promise me you won't tell Dean about this", began Sam.

"Scout's honour, my dear", smiled Rowena with a false warmth.

"The British Men of Letter's originally wanted me. They only became a risk to everyone when Jess and Mick shot their men, but I'm pretty sure that if I offer myself up, they'll agree to my terms. They obviously had something planned for me, what that is, I don't know, but if I offer to go willingly as long as they leave the rest of you alone, I think they'll abide by it. As long as none of you go after them. That's what I'm going to do, but I didn't know if I could get out of here with your spells so that's where you come in. I also need you to act like you know nothing about this to the other's because they'll just come after me and the Brit's will kill them", explained Sam.

"Why would you offer yourself up? Whatever their plans are, they are no doubt painful and once they've finished with you, they will kill you", stated Rowena.

"I can handle it and I'm just one person. It's better for me to die than an entire group of people because any of the plans we come up with were never going to work against such a large organisation. This is the only way", insisted Sam.

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few?", quoted Rowena.

"Did you just quote star trek?", asked Sam.

"I'm a witch dear, it doesn't mean I've lived under a rock all these years, but yes, I will help you", agreed Rowena.

"You will?" questioned Sam.

"I will, as long as leaving me alone is part of your terms, I will help you get out of here and keep my lips sealed to Dean, but what do I say if Dean asks?" queried Rowena.

"You say nothing because you know nothing. I will leave a note, say I just took off. It will be easy for him to believe", shrugged Sam, defeated. 

"Fair enough", nodded Rowena as she fiddled in her clutch bag, "Here". Rowena pulled out a pendant and passed it to Sam.

"What is this?" asked Sam.

"This is an extremely rare item, Samuel. It took me a lot of time and effort to get my hands on this so if you have the time, mail it back to me before handing yourself over", requested Rowena.

"Fine, what does it do?", wondered Sam.

"That pendant will allow you to pass through anywhere, no matter what warding is in place. Demons could get out of devil's traps, angel's out of a ring of holy fire and you can get through my warding and spells", explained Rowena.

"Fine, I'll use it to get out and push it right back through to you if it makes you happy", agreed Sam.

"Perfect, now I would get going before that overbearing brother of yours wakes up", suggested Rowena.

"Okay...thanks, I guess" said Sam before leaving. 

* * *

Sam stood outside of the British Men of Letter's base. He'd left the bunker without a hitch and had pushed Rowena's pendant back through the door before leaving. He had hot wired a car and drove to the familiar building of the British Men of letters complex. Sam wondered whether Dean knew he was gone yet and if Mary was still in there. Shaking away his thoughts, Sam got out his phone.

"Ketch, it's Sam. I have an offer to make", told Sam.

* * *

Dean woke up steadily, his familiar surroundings gradually becoming less of a blur. Dean's thoughts strung together and he remembered the British Men of Letter's, the mix of people currently in the bunker and Sam's moodiness. Dean groaned as he forced his body up right. They had work to do and Dean had already slept longer than he had planned. It was now morning and he wanting to get moving. 

Dean showered and dressed quickly before wondering into the kitchen. Rowena was perched with a cup of tea as usual and Jess was eating some toast.

"Where's everyone?" Asked Dean.

"No one's come out yet", answered Jess simply.

"Sam?"

"He's not in the war room or library so I figured he'd decided to get some sleep too", smiled Jess, "toast?"

"Sure", agreed Dean as he took it gratefully before wandering through the hallway to Sam's door. 

Dean knocked abruptly before swinging the door open. He expected to see Sam snoring or at his desk brooding, but instead the bed was made and the room was empty.

Dean's heart lurched. He noticed a stray piece of paper on the bed.

_I've left, Dean. I needed out of this life, I want normal and I'm not going to get that hiding out in an ancient bunker with the King of hell, his witch mother and a bunch of people who hunt monster's._

_Sorry,_

_Sam_

Dean scrunched up the note before striding into the kitchen.

"Sam's gone", announced Dean to Jess and Rowena who had also been joined by Mick and Crowley.

"What do you mean, gone?" Asked Mick.

"He's gone and we need to find him!" Yelled Dean.

"He can't be just gone", denied Jess.

"There was a note", admitted Dean.

"Saying what exactly?" Questioned Mick.

"Saying that he'd gone of to have a normal life, but it's bull!" Shouted Dean.

"It wouldn't be the first time moose as up and left you", added Crowley.

"Shut up! That was different, Sam went to college. Lots of kids go to college, it's normal, but that was a long time ago and Sam wouldn't just take off like this! Especially not when we have all this going on!" Insisted Dean.

"What's going on?" Asked Cas as he wandered into the kitchen. He looked healthy and it looked like Cas had managed to finish healing himself.

"Sam is gone and he left a note to say he's gone to find his happily ever after", informed Crowley.

"Sam wouldn't do that", frowned Cas.

"Thank you!", yelled Dean.

"Well, what do you suggest happened then?" Questioned Mick.

"Maybe the Men of Letter's got in and took him! Maybe Sam didn't have a choice", argued Dean, "He wouldn't leave like this! We need to go and find him".

"We go out there and we could get killed", countered Crowley. 

"We should at least try to figure out what's happened before we rush out there", reasoned Jess, "If the British Men of Letter's did take him then hacking them could tell us that. I'll keep on trying to get in and the rest of you can work on it in another way. Dean, you could always keep on trying to getting in touch with Sam. You can also try to get into security footage and cctv footage from around the area to see if you can see Sam?"

"Yeah, okay, but after we figure out what happened, we're out of here and after him", reminded Dean.

"Sure, I'm with you there. I want Sam to be safe too, we just need to be smart about it", agreed Jess.

"It may be possible for me to exit the bunker without effecting the spells Rowena has cast. The spell was designed with human's in mind and I was able to get in before, granted, it was with two other angel's dropping me in, but it could be do-able. I could leave and look around local bars and motel's to see if Sam has visited any. I could try to find him whilst you and Jess look into it in the bunker", offered Cas.

"Thanks, Cas", said Dean genuinely.

"I think Crowley, Rowena and I should continue to search for legacies so we don't fall behind with our British Men of Letter's problem", stated Mick.

"Fine", agreed Dean.

* * *

"You're telling me, that you want to give yourself up?", asked Ketch from the other side of the phone call.

"Yeah, that's what I'm saying", confirmed Sam.

"Why?" Questioned Ketch.

"Well I have a condition" admitted Sam.

"Naturally, what is it?"

"If I hand myself over, you leave my brother alone. If I do this, you leave everyone alone. You don't touch Dean, Cas, Jess, Crowley, Rowena or Mick and you leave other hunter's alone too. And Mary. Don't hurt Mary" told Sam. 

"What makes you think that you're that valuable?"

"You stopped Jess from killing me and told her to bring me in, instead. You obviously have something planned for me", stated Sam.

"Fine", agreed Ketch.

"Fine? 'Fine as in 'we have a deal'?", wondered Sam.

"Yes. I will leave the gaggle of halfwits and misfits alone. Where are you?", asked Ketch.

"Right outside the base", said Sam. 

"How convenient of you", said Ketch sarcastically, "I'll come out to get you".

* * *

Mary wandered through the hallway after a briefing about a new weapon that the British Men of Letter's had come up with. It was a knife that could take out most monster's. Vampire's, werewolves, wendigo's, rugaru's, you name it. It would make hunts a lot easier. 

Mary was lost in thought when a commotion brought her back to the present. As she peered towards the other end of the hallway, she saw something that made her heart skip a beat. Ketch was walking through, leading while two other men held Sam, as they walked him through the base. 

Sam looked tired and unhappy, but other wise unharmed. That didn't make Mary feel any better though. Ketch had Sam and who knows what he planned to do with him. 

"Sam? Ketch...What's going on?" Stuttered Mary.

Sam didn't even look at her and Ketch didn't stop moving to chat, but he did reply.

"Sam turned himself in", explained Ketch as he pushed Sam into one of their 'interrogation' rooms. Ketch pushed Sam down onto the chair in the centre of the cold room. He expertly tied Sam to the chair, leaving no room for escape and proceeded to cuff Sam's hands down to the arms of the metal chair.  

"Sam, why would you do that?" Asked Mary.

"Sam handed himself in on the condition that I leave the other's alone", informed Ketch.

"Sam...you...Do you realise what this means?" Pleaded Mary. 

"Not fully, but it's worth it", muttered Sam.

"How is it worth it?" Questioned Mary.

"Whatever happens, I can deal with it. Hell, I probably deserve it, but Dean doesn't deserve it. Cas and Jess don't deserve it. As long as they're okay, I can handle whatever else they do", shrugged Sam.

"Sam, no, sweetheart. You've got it wrong", began Mary. 

"You don't have to do this. You don't have to pretend to care. You were happy to let them take me before, nothings changed", said Sam quietly.

"Sam....", started Mary.

"Okay, enough of the family drama. Mary, you can't be here. Get out", ordered Ketch.

"Excuse me?!" Demanded Mary.

"I said get out. This isn't your mission. You're to emotionally involved in this one and you need to get out", instructed Ketch.

Mary looked desperately to Sam and then to Ketch before running out of the room. She waited until she put some distance between herself and her son before pushing her fist into the wall. She let out a frustrated growl and slid down the wall. 

She had no idea what to do. 

* * *

Dean was reviewing footage from a local bar on his laptop when he spotted a grainy image of his lanky brother. It was fuzzy but definitely him and he was stealing a car. He was alone and appeared not to be captured. Dean didn't care. He knew there was more to it. Dean knew that Sam wouldn't take off for a 'normal' life when it was all of their lives at stake and if Sam thought that excuse would work on Dean, something was seriously sending him off his game. Plus, Dean had found Sam's broken laptop. Something was definitely going on with Sam. 

"Dean! I'm in!" Called Jess excitedly. 

Jess had been working on getting into the British Men of Letter's computers, but Dean hadn't been holding his breath. He knew Jess was smart as hell, but Sam was great with computer's and hadn't been able to do it. Although, Sam hadn't been with it lately and Jess had the advantage of knowing the organisation better so Dean should have guessed she'd figure it out.

Dean rushed to Jess, who had already begun reading through the reports and file's. 

"Jess?" Dean asked impatiently.

"Hold on" snapped Jess as her eyes skimmed over the screen.

"Oh no", said Jess.

"What?", questioned Dean.

"Sam...They used his blood from when he got shot to do a spell. They've been manipulating him and now he's going to hand himself over. Sam's in trouble", explained Jess.

 


	5. Don't Ask Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's in the hands of British Men of Letter's and Dean recruits the help of some friends to help defeat the British Chapter. Mean while Mary see's Ketch's true colors and is forced to make a choice that will destroy the relationship with her son's forever. 
> 
> Warning- Mentions of violence/torture but nothing to graphic and it's nothing that you don't get in canon typical violence.
> 
> Enjoy!

"What do you mean, Sam's in trouble?" Asked Dean.

"The British Men of Letter's record their missions and findings. That's what the Men of Letter's were about really, it was about collecting information on the supernatural. They haven't said what exactly they want Sam for, but they do mention a spell. They need Sam for the spell. They used his blood to cast a sort of curse on him that would slowly break Sam down emotionally, to make him depressed and feel guilty. The spells purpose was to make Sam emotionally defeated and to make him believe that separating himself from the rest of us was the only way forward. Sam left on his own accord, but only after they messed with his head", explained Jess.

"I swear to god, I'm going to make those bastards pay! I'm sick of them using Sammy like he's nothing, but a pawn in their game!" Exclaimed Dean, "We need to find Sam, before they do".

"It's too late for that, Dean", told Jess, "He's already with them. It was updated a few hours ago, Sam's already there. Sam went willingly with them on the condition that they leave us alone. There's nothing after that. No information about what they...what they could be doing with Sam".

Dean saw red, grabbing the mug he'd been drinking out of and catapulting it across the room where it shattered on impact.

"Calm down. I know you're angry, squirrel, but it's not going to get you anywhere", said Crowley.

"I don't understand, why would the British Men of Letter's use a spell on Sam? If they told Sam that they would leave everyone else alone as long as he handed himself in, Sam would do it anyway. Why use a spell?" Wondered Jess.

"Sam may be a self sacrificing son of a bitch, but he isn't stupid. If Sam's brain wasn't all jacked up, he'd realise that they can't be trusted and that once they'd finished with Sam, they'd come after us anyway. Plus they're dicks so they probably get off on making people suffer", offered Dean.

"We need to get him back, I've seen how ruthless they can be. Usually it's a monster on the end of their cruelty, but if Sam...What do we do?" Asked Jess as she tried to keep some distance from the task at hand. She knew getting overly emotional would not help Sam. She needed to keep her head.

Dean noticed Jess's attempts at keeping things logical and trying to avoid panic and worry. He got it because he too, knew he needed to be pragmatic. The British Men of Letter's were capable and tight knit. They needed to have their wits about them if they were going to save Sam. This wasn't like with Toni. This wasn't one rogue agent in some crappy cellar. This was an organised operation at their base that was filled with trained members. They needed a plan and a good one. Dean knew all of this, but there was still a part of him that wanted to scream, shout, cry and break things, but he resisted the urge to throw a tantrum and instead tried to think of what to do.

"I need to call Cas back, we need him here", stated Dean as he walked off to ring his friend.

"You're being uncharacteristically quiet in all of this, mother", squinted Crowley suspiciously.

"What's your point, Fergus?" Asked Rowena innocently.

"I was just thinking about the spell that's protecting the bunker. It's supposed to keep human's out, particularly Men of Letter's. Sam is both human and a Man of Letter's so how did he get past your spell?" Questioned Crowley suspiciously.

"I have no idea. The giant can be quite resourceful", shrugged Rowena.

"Mother..." warned Crowley.

"Fine. I helped him. He came to me saying that he was going to offer himself up in order to stop those slimy imbeciles from hurting anyone else. He wanted my help so I obliged", told Rowena.

"You did what?!" Growled Dean as he came back in from phoning Cas.

"He made a good argument. One life to save many is a sacrifice worth making especially if one of the lives being saved is my own", chirped Rowena.

"I'm going to kill you, you conniving bitch!", snarled Dean. He needed to take his frustration out on someone and Rowena was as good a target as any.

"Hold on, Dean. Personally I would love nothing more than to watch you kill my mother, but she may be useful and the more time you waste on her, the longer moose is with them", reasoned Crowley.

"You know you're screwed when the king of hell is the voice of reason", commented Jess.

"Okay, so what are you planning on doing?" Interrupted Mick.

"Cas is on his way and he'll help us. We need to get him back, storm the place if we have to", stated Dean.

"Well yes, that's an excellent plan if we want to commit bloody suicide!", exclaimed Rowena sarcastically.

"What else do we do?! 'Cause if anyone's got a better plan, I'm all ears, but right now, it's all we got", yelled Dean.

"Maybe we should just leave them be", offered Rowena.

"Excuse me?!" Demanded Dean.

"I mean, if Samuel wanted to sacrifice himself to save the rest of us, maybe we should let him", suggested Rowena.

"No way!" Objected Jess.

"I don't like this either, Sam's a good man, but if Sam wanted to do this, maybe we should respect his decision. If they leave us alone as long as they have Sam, well that's the most promising plan we've had so far", added Mick reluctantly.

"Sam had his mind messed with by a freaking spell, he wasn't in the right frame of mind to be making those kind of decisions and you know as well as I do that they're not likely to stick to their word and leave us alone anyway. Not that I care if they did because I am not letting Sam be hurt by those dicks again. Period", said Dean.

"Dean's right, Sam doesn't deserve this. We're going to help him", agreed Jess.

Dean offered Jess a small smile, appreciating having someone on his side.

"Okay, so we can wait for Cas to get back and then we go forward. I can probably get a few hunter's together who'd be willing to help us out. We go there and we take down who we have to, grab Sam and get out of there. Okay?" Told Dean.

"Okay", agreed the group.

* * *

Ketch's face was level with Sam's. He looked at Sam with a glint in his eye's that looked something like glee.

"Have anything to say, Sam?" Asked Ketch. Sam's only reply was spitting the blood that had built up in his mouth, into Ketch's face. Ketch flinched backwards, wiping his face with a grimace.

"Now, now Mr Winchester. No need for such undignified behaviour", scolded Dr Harrison who sat on a chair in the corner of the room whilst Ketch did the dirty work.

"Undignified behaviour? I'm not the one whose torturing someone", scoffed Sam.

"It didn't need to get messy. We could have done all this quite civilly, but you refused to cooperate", stated Harrison.

"Maybe I'd have been a little more receptive if you'd have asked nicely", snapped Sam.

A sudden jolt of electricity sent shock waves through Sam's body as Ketch used a taser on him. His apparent punishment for talking back to Harrison. Sam writhed as he rode the sudden surge of electricity out.

They needed Sam for something, Sam was sure of it, but first they were trying to extract information out of him. Information about the bunker and his family. About Lucifer and vessel's, hell and heaven, purgatory and horseman. Information that they couldn't find anywhere else. The British Men of Letter's knew a lot, but there were certain things you couldn't get out of a book. Sam and Dean had come across very unique situations in their life. Situations that provided them with knowledge most people didn't know, even in their line of work. Such as how you can use the horseman's rings to open Lucifer's cage or the spell that could remove the mark of Cain. They'd picked up a lot of tricks over the years that would be invaluable to the likes of the British Men of Letter's whose whole purpose was to gain knowledge. Sam guessed that whatever they were planning on using him for, would leave him dead. They were trying to squeeze any last snippets of useful information out of Sam before they carried out their plans, which made it obvious to Sam that he probably wouldn't be surviving whatever it was that they were going to be doing.

"I guess it's true what they say about old dog's and new tricks", rasped Sam as the effects of the taser subsided.

"What are you talking about?", asked Harrison impatiently.

"I'm talking about this. Tying me down, torturing me for 'information'....it's not exactly original is it? I was in this same position a few months ago with Toni. She didn't manage to get anything out of me either", goaded Sam.

"Oh, trust me Sam, Toni was merely a novice compared to my 'unique' skill set. You haven't seen anything yet", warned Ketch maliciously.

Sam scowled at Ketch as the man circled him. Sam was irritated. He'd been so stupid.

"You did something", realised Sam.

"I have done a lot of things, you'll need to more specific", smirked Ketch.

"To get me here. I would have handed myself into you if I thought it would save my family, but this won't save them, I can see it now. It's like a fogs been lifted from my eye's. You'll torture me because that's how you get your kicks and then you'll use me for whatever you're planning to do and once I'm dead and gone, you'll go after the other's. There's no way that you would let someone shooting you or your boss, get away. I was...different. You did something. My minds been messed with enough times for me to know when it's happening or at least, when it's wearing off", accused Sam.

"Smart boy", praised Harrison condescendingly.

"We knew that you and your brother would take steps to protect the bunker, you're rather predictable. So instead of coming to you, we needed you to come to us. We continued to cast a spell on you at regular intervals. The spell was designed to manipulate you and draw you out. The spell got increasingly stronger each time and did exactly what we wanted it too. Now that you're here, there's no need to waste resources on the spell when we already have you. We stopped performing the spell and now it appears to be wearing off", explained Ketch calmly.

"You're not going to win", glared Sam.

"We already have", countered Harrison.

"You may have got me, but you haven't won. You can hit, cut and burn me to your hearts content, but you won't win. You may have the number's and the resources, but you lack something", told Sam.

"I'll bite, what's this vital component that we lack?" asked Ketch.

"Emotion. This is all just business to you. You're cold and cruel", Said Sam.

"On the contrary Sam, emotion makes you weak. Emotion is how you got in your current predicament. The way our organisation works is why we are so successful", argued Harrison.

"You're wrong. Emotion, love, family, whatever you want to call it...it can make you more vulnerable, sure. It make things hurt ten time's worse and can make your judgement a little off, but it can also give you an edge. A purpose. Dean, Cas and I, we fight for each other as well as everyone else. We don't do what we do because some big wig boss told us too. We do it to help people and we do it for each other. That's how we win. The bad guys always underestimate just how far we'll go and how much we can achieve when it's each other that are at risk. You're doing this because it's your job, but Dean is figuring out a way to beat you guys for his brother, and I know that he will be, not just because it's what he's supposed to do, but because he'll do anything to save me. You could never beat that", promised Sam.

"Well, that's very touching, but you're wrong. You underestimate us, Mr Winchester. You and Dean are out of your league. You're no different from the hunter's we work with everyday. You're the same old grunts that all hunter's are, just with better press. You have no chance against us", replied Harrison confidently.

"We beat the devil and the darkness. The two biggest, darkest, bad guy's in the history of the universe...you really think we can't handle a bunch of uptight book worms, most of which, have never actually fought a day in their lives? I took back control when I was possessed by Lucifer and I did that because of Dean. I knew I had to do it save Dean and the rest of the world and I wanted to be a man that my brother could be proud of. Dean was the place where I drew my strength from. Lucifer underestimated that and it landed him back in the cage. You're underestimating that too and it's going to bite you on the ass", stated Sam with a steel determination in his voice.

\-----

Sam was angry at himself for being too weak too fight against the spell that had been cast on him. Logically he knew that it was beyond his control, but he was still so frustrated at himself for doing exactly what they wanted him to. But he couldn't change that now. He was here, but it didn't mean he was going to roll over. He would fight and be as snarky as his big brother would be in this situation, until Dean managed to fix things and he was sure Dean would fix things. Sam wasn't 100% sure how much would be left of him by time Dean did get here, but he had faith that he'd do it. Sam may die, but he had no doubt that Dean would beat the British Men of Letter's and Sam would do whatever it took to help him along. Sam knew that the more he provoked Ketch and Harrison, the longer it would be before they gave up on getting information from him. Once they'd given up with that, they'd follow through with their plans. Sam still didn't know what those plans were, but he was confident that it wouldn't be good. Once they decided to stop using Sam as a human punching bag, there wouldn't be much Sam could do to stop them. So he planned on provoking them as much as possible in order to give his brother more time to figure things out. He knew it would mean more drawn out pain for himself, but he was prepared for it.

\------

"We shall see", shrugged Dr Harrison before nodding to Ketch.

Ketch wandered to a table that was covered by a cloth. Ketch removed some kind of contraption from the table. Sam didn't really recognise what it was, but it looked like some sort of animal trap.

Ketch put it on Sam's hands. It was sort of like an iron clamp that held his fingers and hand to the arm of the chair. The top of the device rested against the top of his hand and the bottom of it slid under the arm of the chair so there was no room for his hand to move. There was a long string that extended from the device and Ketch held it firmly in his hand.

"You may want to cooperate Sam. This device isn't pleasant. I pull this string and the device will slowly start to constrict inwards, becoming tighter. The more I pull on the string, the tighter it gets. You're going to answer me Sam or else I will continue to pull the string and this useful little device with slowly crush you hand and fingers. It's slow and painful", explained Ketch.

Sam's stomach lurched. He'd had broken bone's and crush injuries before and they hurt like a bitch. Sam may have spent hundreds of years being tortured by the devil, but it didn't mean being tortured topside didn't suck. No one on Earth was as 'creative' as Lucifer and no amount of pain could last longer than it did in the cage, but just because he had experienced worse, didn't make it any less painful now. A wave of fear rolled through Sam as he anticipated pain, but he wouldn't give in. He wouldn't risk giving Ketch and Harrison any kind of information that could be used against Dean, Cas or Jess. So he prepared himself for a broken hand, knowing how much pain he'd be feeling soon.

* * *

Cas arrived back at the bunker quickly, concern etched into his tired features.

Cas and Sam had come along way.

Cas had once consider the youngest Winchester an abomination and even when the angel had stopped viewing Sam as something less than human, he still didn't share the bond with him, like he did Dean. He had considered Sam his friend after he'd chosen free will, but there was still a distance between them. But somewhere along the way, that distance had broken down. Cas didn't know when it had happened, perhaps it was when Sam still had some faith in Cas despite him breaking down his wall and causing havoc on Earth. Maybe it was when Cas had placed his hand on Sam's head and taken on his hallucinations and seen Sam's hell trauma first hand. Seen how strong Sam was to have dealt with that for months before it got the better of him, when it had taken Cas of his feet in seconds. It could have been when Cas had chosen to save Sam's life over getting answer's when he had extracted the residual angel grace after Gadreel. It could have been joining force's with him to save Dean from the mark. Cas wasn't quite sure of when or what it was that cemented the bond between them, but something had. Dean wasn't the only Winchester that Cas shared a bond with anymore. He respected and admired Sam. At some point he'd come to view Sam as his brother. He also understood the youngest Winchester now. Understood what is was like to carry the weight of immense guilt from mistakes they'd made. Understood what it was to feel self hatred and a desperate need to redeem yourself. Maybe Sam had given Cas hope. He'd made mistakes, but he always fixed them. Sam had saved the world. Perhaps that had given Cas hope after his own catastrophic mistakes. Whatever it was that had changed his and Sam's relationship, it made moments such as these so much harder. The Winchester's were his family and when one of them was in trouble, Cas found himself feeling very human emotions like fear and worry.

Cas worried for both of his friends. He worried about Sam and the suffering he could possibly be subjected to at the hands of the British chapter. He wondered just how much more pain and abuse one human could bare before it broke them. It pained him to think of the possible situations that Sam could be in right now because Sam didn't deserve that. He was afraid that Sam would be killed and that there'd be no way out of it this time. Or that Sam would survive, but that, whatever the British Men of Letter's had planned for him, would leave Sam a shadow of his former self. He was scared that Sam might not be able to bounce back this time and that he'd never be the same again. He worried about all of this because he cared about Sam and knew that after everything Sam had done and been through, he deserved so much better than that, but he also worried for Dean. If any of these things happened to Sam, Dean would never be the same either. Sam and Dean were soul mates. Too often, humans seemed to think that only a romantic partner can be one's soul mate, but often it was friends and relatives who's soul's were bound together. Sam and Dean were soul mates and without one of them, the other didn't do well. If history had taught them anything, it was that Sam and Dean worked better together. If they didn't manage to bring Sam back in one piece, Cas was afraid that Dean would do something stupid to bring him back that would ultimately hurt both he and Sam. Or that Dean wouldn't bring Sam back, but would be tormented by grief for the rest of his life, becoming even more dependent on alcohol and self destruction than usual.

As far as Cas was concerned, this wasn't just a mission to save one Winchester's life, it was a mission to save both and Cas wasn't prepared or about to lose either of them. With a strong determination driving him, Cas tried to neutralise his expression. Dean didn't need Cas to be concerned right now, he would need Cas to be confident and certain. A shoulder to lean on.

Cas entered the bunker and found all of people currently staying at the bunker, around the large table in the war room. They looked like they were strategising.

"Cas? Thank god you're here", greeted Dean.

"Do we have a plan?", asked Cas.

"We plan to fight. We're getting together as many people as we can. I've been phoning a couple of hunter's we know to help. Some of them are friends who would be willing to help Sam anyway, but it's also in their interest as well. No doubt the British Men of Letter's will go after any other American hunter's that won't do what they tell them too, so it's in other hunter's interests to come with us on this", explained Dean.

"How many people have you gotten together?"

"So far, 7 and maybe 2 more. This isn't just about saving Sam, although that's obviously my priority, but this is also about taking down the base now. Jess managed to get into the British Men of Letter's computer's and it turns out, it might not be the whole of the British Chapter that are after us", explained Dean.

"What do you mean?" questioned Cas.

"Well the chapter seems to be split down the middle in terms of their idea's. They have elder's who are basically the boss's, but they didn't agree on everything. They have been deciding whether or not to intervene in America for years and even when they did come over here, no solid decision was made which is why they never got involved in the apocalypse, but the disagreement on America wasn't the only source of conflict. They were having a lot of problem's agreeing on anything. The chapter was pretty much split in two and there was sort of a 'civil war' like protestant and Catholics, they may both be Christian's, but with very different idea's", continued Dean, "Dr Hess who was killed by Jess and some dude called Dr Harrison are the main problem's. The other elders wanted to stay out of it and to stay in England, but those two didn't. They have some sort of grudge again American hunter's, They look down on us and have this idea in their heads that they can fix things, but their idea of fixing things is killing anyone who doesn't obey them and killing any supernatural creature, whether they're actually evil or not. They have a lot of people working with them and lots of British Men of Letter members on their side, but Hess and Harrison were the brains behind it all. Now Hess is dead, Harrison will be left in charge and Ketch seems to have gone up in the ranks since that happened too. If we mange to get to Harrison and kill him, the other's shouldn't be much of a problem. The guy's in the organisation follow order's, but right now the organisation is fractured and they are listening to Harrison. If we get rid of Harrison, they'll listen to the other elders".

"And what makes you believe that the other 'elders' won't order them to kill you too?" questioned Cas seriously.

"We've been in touch with them. Jess managing to hack into their computer's was a break through. We got a lot more information from it and we reached out to the other elders and they've assured us that they have no interest in American hunter's, they considered it to be none of their business. They also want Harrison dealt with as much as us because it sounds like he's sort of gone off the rail's. He's taken valuable member's from them and gone off on some sort of free lance mission and the other elders are sure that once Harrison is gone, the member's working for them will fall in line and do what they're told. The elders want unison in their organisation again and us killing Harrison works out nicely for them. We handle him and they avoid a whole lot of trouble and paper work. They want our help in dealing with Harrison. They have promised to order all of the British Men of Letter member's back home and to leave us be so long as we help them deal with Harrison", finished Dean.

"Are you sure we can trust them? I mean if this were true, wouldn't Mick or Jess be aware of this?", wondered Cas.

"This seems to have been going on for quite some time. I was trained by Dr Hess at Kendrick's and I've never personally met Harrison, but I have heard and received order's from him. I've never even been told the name of the other elders. The British Men of Letter's is far more disjointed than I ever thought. I believed that order's from Hess, Harrison or Ketch were order's from all of the British Men of Letter's, but it appears that the chapter has conflicted interests. It is very possible that this is true and Miss Moore and I were not aware of it", admitted Mick.

"I believe them Cas and this is a good thing. We thought we had hundreds of people to deal with, but it's mostly this Harrison guy. We'll have the other member's in the base to deal with, but we only have to incapacitate, rather than kill them and get to Harrison and Ketch so we can kill them. The elders we talked to, Professor Nicholson and Dr Chapman, are going to fly over here and once we've taken care of Harrison and Ketch, they'll clean up after us and we'll be free to go about our lives as normal", reassured Dean.

"The only thing I don't understand is why they need you to deal with this Dr Harrison. Why can't they deal with him and why do we need so many other hunter's to help?" inquired Cas.

"With them, it's all about their image and keeping face. If they kill Harrison, it's going to cause controversy and likely, make it harder to get the member's that followed Harrison and Hess to fall back in line. We're basically doing the dirty work and they'll do a clean up job. Plus, it could take them a while to get over here from England and we're already wasting too much time whilst god know's what's happening to Sam. I have to wait a few hours for the other hunter's to get here, so I'm not going to wait for someone to fly over from England too. As for the hunter's, we'll need them to make sure we don't get caught by the British Men of Letter's before we can take down Harrison", said Dean.

"Okay, so we have all of us and 9 other hunter's? The angel's who helped me escape believe that our mission is to protect humanity. They may be willingly to help us if they see that this Dr Harrison is planning on hurting many hunter's. I could try to contact them?" offered Cas.

"That would be great Cas! We're not looking to kill the other member's, just too incapacitate them whilst we take down Harrison and Ketch and save Sam. Nicholson and Chapman will take care of them after that, but we don't know just how many member's are in that base. What we do know is that there is going to be a lot and we need all hands on deck to get past them", thanked Dean.

"Okay, I'll ask them. Who are the hunter's you've contacted?" asked Cas.

"Jody is on her way and I've also got in touch with a few hunter's we've met on hunts like Max and Alicia Bane from a couple of months ago. They're capable hunter's and were also raised by a witch so they have a few tricks up their sleeve too. Eileen Leahy, she's a hunter and Men of Letter's legacy and she's on her way. Some other hunter's we know through hunts like a guy called Jackson Carter and a lady called Helena Stone. I've never met her, but I've heard about her. She's apparently a damn good hunter and Jackson is on good terms with her and asked her to help", listed Dean.

"That's only 6, you said you had enlisted 7, maybe 9?" reminded Cas.

"The last guy who's definitely agreed to help is Cole Trenton. He's the guy who kidnapped Sam to get to me when I was a demon", said Dean.

"The man who hurt Sam and wanted to kill you?" asked Cas, alarmed.

"Yeah, but things are cool now. He found out about our world and we even worked a case together. He's been in the armed forces and has military training so he'll be useful against the Men of Letter's", explained Dean, "And the 2 maybes are hunter's called Jesse and Cesar. They're a married couple we worked with back when Amara was causing issue's. They're good hunter's and good guy's, but we thought they were retiring once they'd found the creature that had killed Jesse's older brother, but I've been ringing around and I think that they might not have stayed retired. You know what hunter's are like, they can't stay away for too long and I think they may be back in business. I need to make a few calls, but I think if they are back on the job, they'll help us".

"Okay, I'll contact Hiram and Apphia whilst you contact the hunter's", agreed Cas.

"What do we do?" asked Jess, really wanting to do something useful.

"Get ready to fight", replied Dean.

* * *

Mary was firing shots at the window in her room at the base. She'd realised a while ago that they were bulletproof and weren't going to break any time soon, but it helped to release her anger. Mary was imagining Ketch's face there or maybe even her own after the recent events.

\--------------------

_Four hours ago_

Sam had been in the base for a while and although Mary had initially listened when Ketch had told her to leave, she hadn't been able to stay away. The room they held Sam in was locked, but she sneaked up close by, hoping to get some indication of how Sam was doing.

She had got an indication.

The walls tried to block out any sound, but they weren't able to stop the muffled screams of her youngest child from reaching her. The sound weren't clear, but the yells sounded anguished. Mary dared to sneak a look through the small, bulletproof glass window on the door.

She almost wished she hadn't.

Sam was at the far end of the room, still tied to the chair, but with new cuts, bruises, burns and painful looking injuries that weren't there before. Sam looked barely conscious, but his face was pinched in pain. His hands were a mess and didn't actually resembles hands anymore. A tray of ancient looking torture devices caught Mary's eye and all of them wede slick with blood. Looking at Sam, Mary considered that it was a miracle sam was still alive. Mary felt a brief pang of pride at her son, knowing that whatever they wanted from him, Sam wasn't giving it to them. She could tell that by how brutal they were being with him. A lesser man would crumble and spill everything, but the pain obviously hadn't made Sam give in. The pride didn't stick for long because she soon began wishing that Sam would tell them whatever they wanted, so he wasn't subjected to this agony.

Mary's gaze had been caught by Ketch who excused himself momentarily and walked out to Mary. Spotting her chance, Mary had tried to slip through the door to her son, but Ketch had grabbed her waist, holding her back and closing the door.

"You shouldn't be here", said Ketch Calmly.

"What the hell have you done to my son?!" yelled Mary.

"My Job and if I remember correctly, you were more than happy for me to do that before", reminded Ketch.

"I never wanted this, I would never be okay with this!", shouted Mary.

"Don't lie to yourself Mary. We're the same, you and I. We're both ruthless and willingly to do whatever it takes to get what we want. The only difference is, I don't pretend to be anything else. You do nothing but pretend. You don't care about Sam and Dean. Maybe if you'd have come back home to a baby and 4 year old things would have been different. You could have gotten out of this life and had the perfect little family you always wanted, but instead you came back to two dysfunctional 30+ year old's with enough emotional baggage to fill 20 planes. You don't care about them. Not in the way a mother is supposed to. They're not what you wanted, so you're not interested. You can tell yourself that you're all about family, but we both know you're all about getting what you want. This isn't a criticism, it's just who we are. That's why there's an attraction between us", stated Ketch.

Mary sent her fist into Ketch's jaw before realising what she was even doing. The punch connected, driving Ketch back slightly as blood dripped from his lip. Ketch grabbed Mary's wrist roughly, but there was no anger in his face, but there was a hint of amusement.

"Feisty, one of the reason I respect you", rasped Ketch as he kept a firm hold on her wrist. Mary yanked her wrist from his hold aggressively.

"There is nothing between us! It was sex, that's all! I feel nothing for you, you disgust me!", seethed Mary, "And I am nothing like you".

"Very well", accepted Ketch as his face turned so rigid, it looked like it was made of stone. Ketch grabbed Mary's arm once again and pulled her forward, not releasing his hold of her until they reached her room.

"Were you ever really going to bring John back?", asked Mary quietly.

"No. Why would we? John has been dead for years. There is no body to put his soul back into and yes, sure, one of our angel associates most likely could have pulled it of, but why on earth would we waste precious time and resources and bringing back your hopeless ex husband?" asked Ketch bitterly.

"You're worse than any supernatural monster I've dealt with. You are heartless", seethed Mary.

Ketch pushed Mary forward into her quarters before shutting and locking the door. Mary banged her fists and shouted until her voice was hoarse, but Ketch just left and no one else was coming.

Mary tried to shoot at the windows and door, hoping for an escape, but they were to secure. She was stuck.

\-----------

So that's where she was now, stuck in her room with no idea what to do. Mary couldn't lie to herself and pretend she'd done the right thing anymore. She couldn't pretend that she had been thinking of her boy's.

Images of Sam flashed through her head.

They alternated between the image of the broken man that was tied up in that chair and the picture of the pink skinned, little baby with big hazel eye's and thick chestnut hair, that she'd known before.

Mary scrambled through her bag, a sudden thought coming to her and as she clutched her phone, she felt relief that Ketch had locked her in her own room. There wasn't much she could do from here, but she could at least warn Dean.

* * *

Dean greeted Alicia and Max Bane at the doors of the bunker. Rowena had removed the spell from the bunker. It was no longer needed to stop the British Men of Letter's from entering because they would be going to the British Men of Letter's themselves.

Dean welcomed the young hunter's and thanked them sincerely for coming to help.

"So, I've been dying to see this bunker of yours", said Max as Dean guided them down the stairs, "I'd loved to be able to look through this place".

"Well, you're welcome to take a look when we don't have a douchey sociopath to deal with", offered Dean.

"Speaking of the sociopathic douche, are the other guys you called here yet?" wondered Alicia.

"Jody's here, Jackson Carter and Helena Stone are here. A contact of mine, Cole Trenton is here. Cas', our angel buddy, has called two other angel's down to help. Apphia and Hiram, are their names I think. Jess is a hunter who is with us too and Mick is also helping us out, both are ex employee's of the British Men of Letter's. We also have the King of Hell and his witch mother to lend a hand. You guy's are here, now we are just waiting for Eileen Leahy and Jesse and Cesar Cuevas", recalled Dean.

"Sounds like a good team", nodded Max.

"Yeah, we're almost set and I mean it, I am really am grateful for you guys coming all the way over here to help", thanked Dean.

"It's no problem, it sounds like these guy's are going to be a big problem for all of us hunter's unless we stop them", said Alicia.

"Yeah, we're witches too so they'd definitely kill us given half the chance. Plus from what I saw of Sam, he seemed like a pretty decent guy and considering that Sam saved the world a while back, I think we all owe him. We're happy to help", added Max.

Cas, Hiram and Apphia were in the war room. Dean was appreciative to the angel's for coming to help out considering that they'd never even met him before, but they were also kind of intimidating. Hiram's vessel was tall. Taller than Sam even and he stood with authority. His piercing grey eye's store through you and into your soul. His voice was deep and rumbling, anything he said sounded important. Apphia's vessel was smaller in stature, but she was no less intense. She stood at around 5"4, her warm brown skin, almost a golden tone and her eye's were amber. Her eye's were sharp and soft at the same time. Her small frame radiated with power. Dean had no doubts that the angel could handle herself.

"Where are the other's", asked Dean.

"They are collecting their weaponry and having some food whilst we wait for the other's to arrive", said Cas.

"Okay and thanks, Hiram, Apphia, your help is appreciated", nodded Dean awkwardly.

"Castiel is our brother and he required our help", stated Hiram coldly.

"And of course, we are glad to help. Our mission is to guide and protect humanity", added Apphia.

"Yeah, sure. This is Alicia and Max by the way", introduced Dean.

Dean's phone rang out and Dean inspected the screen.

Mary.

"Maybe you should answer it", suggested Cas.

"No, I told you, she's out of our lives", argued Dean.

"I understand that Dean, but Sam is in the British Men of Letters complex and there's a chance that Mary still is too. She might have information about Sam", reasoned Cas.

Jody entered the room with a tray of mugs filled with coffee.

"Are you going to answer that or stare at it all day?" asked Jody.

"Fine", agreed Dean as he accepted the call, "Hello?".

"Dean?", asked Mary in a relieved voice.

Dean pressed the phone on loud speaker and threw it down onto the table.

"What do you want?" demanded Dean abruptly.

"Dean, I know you're angry and you should be, but it's... it's Sam", broke Mary.

The break in Mary's voice shook Dean to his core.

Something was wrong.

"Is he...did they...Is Sam dead?" choked Dean harshly.

"No, I mean, I don't know. I saw him a few hours ago. They're torturing him. He was hurt. He looked hurt really badly, but Ketch has locked me in my room and I can't get out so I can't help him, Dean", stuttered Mary.

"What are they doing with him?", questioned Dean.

"They're trying to get something out of him, but he isn't complying and they're using...painful methods to try and get him to talk", told Mary.

"We're coming to get him soon. Is that all you have to say because I'd like to go and concentrate on helping my brother because that's what families do. You know, we have people here who are practically strangers to Sam and I and they are still doing more to help him than his own mother did", snapped Dean.

"You have every right to be angry at me, Dean. I know that I made a mistake now, I just...I can't change it now and I can't do anything to help. I wish I could, but I'm locked in this place", pleaded Mary.

"You've done enough!", exclaimed Dean. Dean felt a calming hand fall softly on his shoulder and he turned to see Jody's sympathetic face staring at him. She grounded him and stopped him from ripping into his mother.

"Look, if you want to help then tell us where he is", softened Dean.

"What do you mean?" asked Mary.

"You said you saw him, right? So you know what room he's being kept in. Tell us the lay out of the place and where we'll find him", instructed Dean.

"Okay, I can do that", agreed Mary.

* * *

Mary had described the lay out to the Men of Letter's base as best as she could and told them the round about position of the room they were keeping Sam in. They had their plan set. Eileen, Jesse and Cesar had all shown up too.

"Are you sure about this layout?" asked Jesse.

"I've only been there a handful of time's, but our mom has been living there for weeks so her bearings of the place should be pretty accurate. I was aware of at least two of these entrance's and my mom provided the details about the other's", explained Dean.

The rest of the gang were packing up their cars and getting ready to hit the road. Jesse and Cesar had been the last to arrive and Dean was filling Jesse in on their plan whilst Cesar got acquainted with the other's.

"So, a few of us take an entrance and just incapacitate anyone who come's our way?", inquired Jesse.

"Yeah, our main goal is to get to Sam who is being kept over here and we should find the ring leader here too and he is the one we kill. We need you guys to help get us there without being grabbed by the other Men of Letter's in the base", continued Dean.

"Doesn't sound too hard", nodded Jesse.

"Yeah, we could have probably done it without reinforcements, but we're on their turf. We have no idea how many people they have in there and there's camera's everywhere so we need the back up....thanks by the way", thanked Dean.

"No problem, you and your brother helped Cesar and I before. You helped give me closure over my brother so it's not a problem", shrugged Jesse.

"What happened by the way? What happened to your retirement?", wondered Dean.

"You know what it's like, it's hard to turn your back on this job. It was nice at first. I finally had my revenge and I was happy, we both were. We had a regular life and it was great, but we always ended seeing things in the paper that seemed weird and it looked like no one else was picking it up so we did. We told ourselves 'just one more case', but one more case turned to two and you know how it goes", explained Jesse.

"Yeah, sorry it didn't work out for you guys", offered Dean.

"Don't be. We're happy. Who knows? Maybe one day we will settle down, adopt some rugrats and and hang up the knives and salt forever, but right now, this is what we do and were okay with that", admitted Jesse, "How are you holding up with your brother missing?"

"I'll be fine once we get him back", stated Dean.

"I get it, I'm not a big talker either. More of the strong silent type, but Cesar loves to talk about this stuff", laughed Jesse.

"That's what it's like with me and Sammy", grinned Dean before his smile dropped.

"I don't know what it's like to be a big brother, but I do know what it's like to be someone's little brother. My brother meant the world to me, he understood me when no one else did. Brother's have a relationship unlike any other and even when my brother was gone, I never stopped looking for him because I knew he would have done the same. Sam's not gone yet, you still have the chance to get him back, but all that I'm trying to say is...No matter what your brother is going through, I think he's there knowing that you're looking for him and that you won't give up. I think that will get him through. It would have got me through", said Jesse.

"Thanks...really, that actually helps", said Dean as he gave Jesse a small smile.

"Shall we go find that brother of yours then?", asked Jesse.

"Sure, it's a plan", agreed Dean.

Dean and Jesse went outside and found the group of hunter's and supernatural allies loaded and getting comfy in their cars. Cas, Hiram and Apphia were riding with Eileen because Dean was saving the room in his car for Crowley and Rowena. He didn't trust them and although he was aware that Eileen could kick ass, he didn't want to risk the king of hell and his mother trying any nasty tricks. Jody had offered to drive Mick and Jess. The rest of them had their own cars and they were all set and ready to go. The group began their drive to the British Men of Letter's base.

To Dean, the drive would feel like years were passing by as he waited to reunite with Sam, but at least they were close now. They still had Kelly and her kid to deal with, but soon, the British Men of Letter's problem would be dealt with and he and Sam would face the rest together. Whatever state Sam was in, Dean would pick him back up.

* * *

Jody drove steadily behind the impala, in an incredibly awkward silence. Jody didn't know either of the passengers in her car and although she considered herself to have relatively decent people skills, Jess and Mick weren't too chatty.

Dean had told her who they were. Both ex British Men of Letter's and one of them just so happened to be Sam's college sweetheart who had tragically died and been brought back to life. Oh and she had kidnapped Sam.

Mick sat in the back, staring idly out of the window. Jody let her gaze wander to her side where Jess sat shotgun. Jess looked deep in thought and Jody could guess that those thoughts weren't exactly pleasant.

"You okay?", questioned Jody to Jess.

"Yeah, I'm good. I just want to get this over with and get Sam back", smiled Jess sadly.

"He'll be okay, you know?" reassured Jody.

"You don't know that. He might not be okay and if he's not, that's on me", frowned Jess.

"Hey, you made a mistake, it's allowed. Sam being where he is right now is the British Men of Letter's fault, not yours. I know Sam well and I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't want you tearing yourself up about it", replied Jody.

"How do you know Sam and Dean?", wondered Jess.

"I met them, jeez, it's gotta be about 7 years ago now! There was something going on in my town, people rising from the dead including my...my little boy", hesitated Jody, "The boy's worked the case and that's how we met, but I also knew their uncle Bobby. We ran into each other a few times after and they kind of just became my family some where along the way. Sam and Dean have a way of worming themselves into your hearts even when they don't try to. They drop in to see me when they can and they call, I care about those boy's like they were my own flesh and blood".

"They're lucky to have you" smiled Jess.

"I could be a jerk for all you know", smirked Jody.

"No, I can tell that you're not", countered Jess.

"I like to think I have a good instinct about people too and I think that you're a good girl", smiled Jody as she kept her eye on the road, "All of this must be a hell of a lot to take in, but you're just taking it in your stride and helping to save Sam".

"Let's just hope we're not too late", worried Jess. 

"Sam's been through a lot and he'll get through this too", offered Jody.

"I hope you're right", sighed Jess.

* * *

Sam did what he could to control his breathing, but it was difficult given his current physical condition. Ketch had been right. His skills at torturing were beyond anything Toni did, but it was more the barbaric devices Ketch was using than Ketch himself. 

Ketch had been more aggressive, unrelenting and less concerned about keeping Sam alive, but his methods were nothing new compared to Lucifer. Sam and Dean got beat up almost every day of the week and Sam idly thought about how messed up it was that this was a regular gig in the Winchester family. 

Sam's body was on fire. Ketch had used the device on both hands so Sam was 100% sure that both of them were crushed badly. Although it was agony whilst it was happening, his hands had begun to go numb once Ketch had finished with them which Sam thought might have been a bad sign. Ketch had thrown plenty of punches wearing a gold knuckle duster which Sam noted had probably done damage internally. He also used his array of knives to try and cut the answers out of Sam, but Sam hadn't given an inch. That's when the blow torch came out. What was it with these guys and blow torches? If anything was going to get Sam talking it was the blow torch. The white hot pain that ate at his skin made him scream out in agony. Sam hated the look of pleasure on Ketch's face when he made Sam scream, Sam hated giving the sadistic bastard what he wanted, but he couldn't hold it back. The burn of a blow torch was intense and unforgiving, but it wasn't just the pain that bothered him. Fire and the sensations of burns reminded him of hell. The hell fire he'd experienced was different from the sensation of a burn topside, but it still served as a reminder. Punches and incisions weren't exclusive to hell, Sam and Dean had their fair share of those kind of injuries from hunting, but it wasn't very often that fire was used against you when you were hunting a werewolf. Sam had come to associate fire and burns with hell and it made Sam feel all that more vulnerable. 

Sam wasn't sure how long he'd been here, but he didn't think it had been all that long. But it was still too long. Unlike Toni, Ketch hadn't left him alone or given him any kind of break, so the pain had been constant and Sam had been in and out of consciousness.  _At least he hadn't used any drugs or spells to mess with my mind the way Toni had_ , Sam thought to himself. 

"Are you going to speak up now, Sam?" questioned Ketch.

Sam didn't even have the energy to tell Ketch where to go now, he barely had the energy to keep his head upright and he let it loll against his chest.

"Dr Harrison, I don't think we're going to get anything out of him and he looks close to death", muttered Ketch.

"No, I suppose we might as well move on to his main purpose. The spell", stated Dr Harrison.

"You're going to be part of something very big, Sam. I know you are aware of the spell that the Scribe of God used to cast the angel's down to Earth? Well that spell was from a group of spells that are quite unique. They are not spells that any witch or hunter can find, they are not even in the book of the damned. They are a set of spells devised by God and written by Metatron. They were created by God as a sort of back up plan if things got out of hand. There is a spell among the collection that will send every angel back to heaven, every demon back to hell and kill every single supernatural creature, sending them to Purgatory. We thought it to be impossible, given the strange requirements of the spell, but we soon realised it was very do-able and we need you to complete the spell. You won't survive it of course, but I'm sure even you can appreciate that dying is a small price to pay for the outcome. America will be free of all monsters", explained Ketch. 

Sam thought about the many 'supernatural people' they'd come across over the years. He thought about the one's who'd never hurt anyone and were good people. He thought about people like Garth and his family. This world wasn't black and white and there were some creatures who didn't deserve to spend an eternity running and fighting in Purgatory. Garth, as quirky as he was, was a decent hunter and he may be a werewolf, but he wasn't a killer. He deserved to stay on Earth with his family. He deserved to have peace and not to die needlessly. 

Sam also thought about Cas. He would return to Heaven if this spell was complete. Cas had returned to Heaven recently and it had almost killed him. If the spell was successful, Cas would return to Heaven for good. He and Dean would lose their brother and Cas would probably be killed. 

Sam wondered if it was selfish that he didn't want this to happen. He knew that it would mean a few innocent supernatural creatures dying and a member of his own family being taken away forever, but it would also mean that no one would ever had lose someone because of a demon, vampire or any other creature on the supernatural spectrum. It would mean no child losing their mom like he and Dean had, but thinking it through, Sam grew more confident that this was wrong. The innocent people that would be killed and sent to Purgatory were just as worthy of being saved as any human being. Sam and Dean's job was to protect people from the supernatural monster's that could hurt them, but maybe it was also their job to protect innocent supernatural creatures from monstrous humans. 

Sam rationalised the situation in his head and came to the conclusion that this wasn't the right thing to do. Sam and Dean would continue to work to try and save innocent people from the supernatural beings that wanted to hurt them and there was plenty of other hunter's out there who would also continue fighting for the same cause and one day, they would turn the tide. They would win, but not by condemning innocent people. If they killed all supernatural creatures without discrimination, were they really any better than the monsters they hunted? Sam didn't think so. Sam would have been willing to die for a cause, like he'd been willing to die to close the gates of hell, but he wasn't about to willingly be apart of some sort of mass monster genocide. 

He thought of all of this, but he didn't find himself voicing any of it. He was barely conscious and although his brain was working, he couldn't quite find the words and push them out of his throat. He was weak and no where near in fighting shape. Sam knew they had given up on getting any information out of him, that he was too far gone for that. They were ready to follow through on the spell. Dean wasn't here and he worried that the spell would be complete before Dean could stop it. 

"Ketch, keep an eye on him whilst I go to alert the team to make the preparations", instructed Harrison. 

Sam wondered if he was already dying from the injuries he'd sustained because he felt himself fading further and the words around him became distant and muffled. Sam's eyelids felt heavier. Maybe Ketch had damaged something important like an internal organ with his severe beating, maybe it was blood loss or the shock from his injuries. Or maybe he was just losing consciousness, but whatever it was, he was starting to become unable to interpret what was going on around him. He vaguely thought he heard another man rushing into the room, muttering panicked words and urgent movements. 

Words floated to him but he couldn't string them together properly.

_Attacked. Hunter's. Angels. Broken in. Take down. Close. Getting close. Dean. Coming. Fighting._

_Dean._

Dean was here, Sam was sure now and he felt his whole body relax if only a little at the knowledge that his brother had come for him and that he was here now. Sam had been fighting against the pain, fighting to keep himself conscious and alert to his captures, but Dean was here now and he was so incredibly exhausted. Knowing that Dean was here and he didn't have to fight any more, he gave into the blackness that climbed at the edges of his vision. Dean was here and it would be okay.

* * *

Mary paced in her room. She had noticed Dean and a couple of other hunter's going into the base through an entrance that was visible from her window. They were here and she hoped it would all go to plan. She knew that Dean had called in other's to help and they were going to come in from the other entrances. 

Her pacing was interrupted when she heard the door being unlocked. 

"Ketch?", Mary was surprised to see the man who'd locked her up in the first place, here and opening the door. Ketch barely looked at her, but grabbed her wrists and secured them in hand cuffs.

"What the hell are doing?!" questioned Mary as she struggled away from Ketch.

"As I'm sure you already know, Dean has attacked the base and is in the building. He is no doubt coming to Sam first and foremost and Dr Harrison has instructed me to bring you to him", explained Ketch as he pushed Mary forward and guided her through the corridors. 

"Why the hell would he want me there? I'm just one extra person to help Dean to kill you both", spat Mary.

"You're also leverage", stated Ketch.

"Dean will never choose saving me over helping Sam", promised Mary confidently. 

As Ketch pulled her through the hallways, they came face to face with Dean as they closed in on the room where Sam was.

"Dean!", cried Mary as she spotted him. He was with Jess and Cas, Mary guessed that the other's were taking care of other member's of the British Men of Letter's around the base. A woman wearing a tight and pristine pant suit was being pinned to the wall by Jess. A man lay in a crumpled heap by Dean's feet, his face bloody and unconscious. Further down the hallway there were 3 other men who were also knocked out, on the floor.

Ketch automatically pointed the gun at Dean.

"Make another step and you're dead", said Ketch.

"Not if you're dead first", countered Dean who raised his own gun at Ketch.

"Fine, make another move and your mother's dead", smirked Ketch as he pressed the barrel of his gun against Mary's temple.

A look of uncertainty crossed Dean's face.

"Juts leave her out of it", ordered Dean. Dean still didn't want Mary dead which gave Mary a little hope for the chance of mending things with him.

"I'm making the order's here, Dean. If you want mummy dearest to live, you will come with me and join your brother and Dr Harrison", instructed Ketch.

"Why didn't you just start with that? I will be happy to be taken to Sam", agreed Dean with a viscous smirk.  

"Not so fast! The angel and the girl stay here. It's just you and you hand over the gun", told Ketch.

"Fine", agreed Dean as he slid the gun over to Ketch.

"Dean, this isn't a good idea. You need back up", reasoned Jess.

"It's fine, Jess", promised Dean. Ketch pushed Mary into the room where Sam, Harrison and a random man of letter's member, were. She was followed in by Dean and Ketch locked the door behind them. Mary worried for her son's. 

* * *

Dean knew that Ketch thought he had the upper hand by removing Jess and Cas from the equation and taking his gun, but he had underestimated him and that was a big mistake. 

Ketch shoved Dean into the bare room and Dean stumbled from the force. Sam was at the far end of the room. Dean felt an actually physical pain in his chest when he first saw his little brother. He was hurt and it was bad.

Really bad.

His hands were all messed up and the swollen and almost unrecognisable face of his little brother, told him that his head had taken some nasty blows. Dean also took notice of several severe looking burns that littered Sam's abused skin and Sam was covered in angry looking bruises and cuts. Some cuts were deep and pouring blood. His messed up hands were also bleeding badly and his fingers were in positions that fingers definitely shouldn't be in. If Dean didn't know any better he'd say they'd been crushed. Sam had some weird looking injuries that made Dean wonder what they'd used. On Sam's stomach, it looked like flesh and muscle had been cut away and he had some severe looking incisions that went beyond cuts and looked more like stab wounds. 

Sam was pale and the huge fresh red stain on the floor, that was still being added to, told Dean that he'd lost too much blood and took one hell of a beating. Sam's head was limp and his eye's shut. In that moment, Dean forgot about his mission to kill Harrison and could only think about looking after his brother.

Dean went to lean down to face Sam directly, but didn't want to lean in his own brother's blood so he settled for crouching slightly. 

"Sam?" Called Dean softly, "Sammy?". 

Dean held Sam's face in his hand. Sam was pale and his skin was clammy. He didn't respond to Dean and it made his stomach churn. Dean pressed two shaky finger against Sam's neck, searching for a pulse. 

Dean let out a sigh of relief when he found it.

It was definitely there, but it was way too fast. 

"Come on, Sam. Wake up", ordered Dean as he used his other hand to shake Sam's shoulder as gently as he could.

Sam groaned and began to open his eye's. His eye's slid open slowly and Dean could see it wasn't an easy task for him, but as they opened they fell on Dean and recognition fell over his face. 

"D'n, kn...knew you'd come", rasped Sam, offering a bloody smile to his older brother.

"Course I did", smiled Dean.

"Touching, really, but I'm afraid it's about to be short lived", interrupted Harrison.

"Leave them alone", yelled Mary.

"I'm afraid we can't do that Mrs Winchester. You see, this is how it's going to go, Dean is going to be killed and so are you, but I think first we'll keep you alive whilst we complete the spell so you watch dear little Sam die slowly and painfully first. But once that is over, Mr Ketch will put a bullet in both of you", explained Harrison. 

"About that, something tells me you won't be doing this little spell of yours anytime soon", grinned Dean. 

Harrison's smug smile wavered, "What do you know about it?"

"I know me that Jess and Cas paid a visit to your labs before we bumped into Ketch and Mary. We've took all of your files on the spell and destroyed all of the ingredients, blood vials and anything else we could find in there. Oh and we took care of the monster's you had caged up in there. You have nothing left of the spell and the people you employed to do it are...well they're a little tied up right now", smiled Dean sarcastically.

"You stupid, stupid, boy!" Yelled Harrison as he lept forward and grabbed Dean by his jacket. Dean head butted the pompous jerk, sending him stumbling backwards.

Ketch stepped in, pointing his gun at Dean. Dean knocked the gun out of his hand and hit Ketch. Dean and Ketch fought and Mary shot forward to get hold of the gun that Dean had knocked away from Ketch, but the other Men of Letter's crony kicked her back, reaching for the gun himself. Mary fought him for it, but in the scuffle, the gun went off and Mary felt pain consume her thigh as the bullet hit it. 

As Mary fell to the ground, Dean hesitated to check if she was okay and Ketch used the unguarded moment to take Dean down, slapping a pair of cuffs on him. 

Sam's glassy eye's fluttered from Dean to Mary and back again. They were wide and panicked, realising his brother and mom were in trouble and knowing her was in no position to help. 

"You know Dean, you made a mistake telling me you'd destroyed the spell. Now I have no reason to keep any of you alive", threatened Harrison.

"Leave 'em alone...t,take m...me, but l..leave them alone", told Sam through stuttered and shaky breaths. 

"No, Sammy!" argued Dean.

"Thank you for that suggestion Sam, but I have my own plans", smirked Harrison, "Only one of the Winchester boy's is going to die and I'm giving you the choice of which one it is, Mary. You will choose which one of your sons gets to die today. I am being kind, I could just kill them both, but instead I'm allowing one to live. Generous, I know"

"I can't...I can't choose which of my boy's gets to live and who get's to die. I can't!", exclaimed Mary as she took in the face's of her son's. 

"Very well then, I shall kill them both", stated Dr Harrison.

"No!", yelled Mary. 

"You are aware of my conditions. You choose and you get to save one of your son's. I choose and kill both of them. I am nothing if not fair", said Dr Harrison.

"Nothing about this is fair, you sadistic son of a bitch!", seethed Mary.

"Continue with that attitude and I'll kill all of you. Choose or lose them both", ordered Harrison.

"Why are you doing this?", questioned Mary.

"Because I can", stated Harrison, "Now who will it be? Who will die? Sam or Dean?"


	6. No Way Back From Here

Time seemed to slow down, each second that passed felt like another hour of Mary coming to the realisation that Harrison was asking her to condemn one of her son's to death. She didn't want to do it. She felt like her heart was about to jump right out of her chest, but she didn't have any other option. If she didn't comply, they would both die. She could either choose and save one of them or refuse and lose them both.

Mary tried to clear her head and think about it properly. She couldn't make an emotional choice. Trying to choose which of her children she wanted to live and which one she wanted to die was an impossible choice to make. They were her boy's. She couldn't deny that there was a disconnect with her son's, one that she'd had to grapple with since coming back. There were moments when she was with them, that she actually forgot that they were her children. Fleeting moments that barely lasted a second, where she almost mistook them for random hunter's. Those moments were over before they even began and Mary reassured herself that the men before her were her children.

She'd felt like her children had died and in a way they had. If the stories she heard were true, Sam and Dean had literally died more than once, but it was more than that. The four year old who John would swing onto his shoulders, the little boy whose hugs would fill Mary up with such warmth, the child who loved bubble baths, cartoons and superhero figurines...that little boy was gone. Mary had lost him. Sometimes she caught glances of him. Dean still had the wide, emerald eye's and the cheeky grin. His hugs were still so warm and he still got far too excited over pie, but she'd lost her 4 year old. And Sam? Well, she hardly knew him at all. There was no signature personality quirks or attributes to distinguish him by. He wasn't even a year old when she'd died and there was nothing left of the tiny baby she held all those years ago. Sometimes she'd think she could see her Sammy, in his eye's. Those deep, soulful, hazel eye's. But then that would disappear too. Those emotional eye's were far too tortured and heavy to be her six month old baby's.

Mary was having more trouble connecting with her children than she would like to admit, but she still loved them, she really did. She was trying with them, it may not seem like it to them, but she was trying and no matter what problems they faced, she didn't want either of them to die.

More and more, she began to realise the mistakes she had made. When she had first come back, she thought she needed space. Then she had thought that she'd needed John, thought that everything would be okay if John was back to complete the family. In the process she'd distanced herself from Sam and Dean. The more she distanced herself and the more she sabotaged the already fragile relationship that she had with them, the more she realised that she needed them. Mary didn't know them, years had passed and her children were now men, but they were good men and no matter what, they were still her children. It was true that she didn't really know them, but it wasn't an excuse to treat them the way she had. It was a hard situation, but Mary was beginning to realise that she hadn't tried hard enough. She should have been there for them. She should have started to get to know them again as they were now because the worse her relationship got with them, the more Mary began to miss them.

Mary had a hardness to her. A coldness that most hunter's she'd met, had too. When she had met John, he'd brought out a softness in her that she hadn't known she possessed and then when Dean had come along...he'd melted her heart and thawed any ice left inside of her. Her family was perfect and when Sam had come along, their perfect little family was complete. She had seen from the start that Dean doted on his baby brother and she had been happy, but there was a darkness constantly hanging over them, like a sword ready to drop. The deal she made had played at the back of her mind through all of it, but she'd still managed to be happy.

When Amara had brought Mary back, the ice was back too. The cold, hard, hunter instinct was back in full force and she struggled with the maternal side of her which had come so naturally when the boy's were young. So she had took the easy route, thrown herself into hunting as an attempt to distract herself from the gaping hole in her heart and the children she was letting down. Now, Mary couldn't distract herself. All of the wrong choices she'd made since she had been brought back had come crashing down around her and her boy's were the one's who'd been crushed in the debris. Mary was filled with regret and guilt. She was desperate to make a mends, to fix things with Sam and Dean, even if it took forever. Mary didn't want to make this choice because she knew it would mean losing one of them and ruining the relationship with the other completely. She wanted them both alive and happy, she wanted to get to know them. She didn't want this. Yet here she was, having to choose.

No, Mary knew she couldn't make this an emotional decision because choosing which of her children had to die was an impossible choice. So she tried to take a step back and think about the choice logically. She considered the fact that she'd be losing both of them either way. One of them would die and the other would hate her for making the choice. She tried to think about who would have the better chance of a happy life after this ordeal. She may not know a whole lot about her boy's, but she had immediately noticed the bond they shared and she knew that whichever brother lived, the other would never be the same after their brother's death. She knew they wouldn't ever really be happy after that. Mary came to the conclusion that there was no way, logically or emotionally, to make this choice. Mary considered fighting them. There were three men against her, all of which had weapons and she had none. Sam was in no condition to fight anyone and Dean was cuffed. If she went for them, they could shoot her boy's quicker than she could take down all 3 of them. There was no good answer. 

Harrison's eye's bore into her, an icy grey that pierced through Mary as he waited for her decision.

"No answer, fine, I guess both Winchester's die today. Work's perfectly for us", announced Harrison as he raised his gun.

"No! Stop, no! Please, take me! Kill me, leave Sam and Dean alone!", pleaded Mary.

"That's not on the table Mary. Last chance, Mary. Which of your son's will die today?", asked Harrison coldly. Mary hesitated, stuck completely in the unbearable moment.

"Time's up...", began Harrison.

"No, d..don't! Please!", begged Mary as Harrison eye'd Sam and Dean and raised his gun, "Don't..Sam, I choose Sam!"

As soon as the words had tumbled of Mary's tongue, she gasped and raised her hand to cover the mouth that had betrayed her. The poisonous, deceitful mouth which had condemned her baby boy to death. Mary hadn't meant it, not really. She couldn't, wouldn't choose which of her boy's had to die, but yet, she had. Mary was panicked and scared, afraid that both Sam and Dean would die and that she'd never get the chance to make things right. That she'd never get the chance to get her to know her son's properly because she'd never tried. In the moment of panic, Sam's named had slipped from her lips. Mary wasn't really sure why. She loved them both, but in a moment of desperation, Sam was the son she'd picked to die. Now her youngest was going to be killed because of her and her eldest would never forgive her for taking away the person who meant the most to him. There was no way back from here. It was all over.

* * *

Sam may have been more than a little out of it, but only death itself could have stopped Sam from hearing his mom shout out his name. To hear his mom choose for him to die. The hardest part was, Sam wasn't surprised. Not even a little. Sam hadn't been blind to the fact that it was always Dean who Mary would text, she'd only started to send Sam messages when Dean had been freezing her out. It was always Dean who she seemed to have more in common with, who she seemed to connect with. Sam wasn't surprised because people always liked Dean better. Sam knew this, but it wasn't in a way that he felt sorry for himself or resented it, it was just how things were. Dean was outgoing and funny and just...Dean. Sam was quieter, more introverted and messed things up a lot. Thinking about it, Sam would like Dean better too.

Sam couldn't get his thoughts together. Maybe it was because he'd been tortured and was injured badly or maybe it was because he was about to die, but he couldn't decide how he felt. When Harrison had been forcing Mary to decide whether to kill Sam or Dean, Sam had been praying that she would pick him. He'd been pleading for his mom to pick him so that Dean didn't have to die. So that Dean could have a chance at life and so Sam wouldn't have to live without him.

So when Mary had said his name, there'd been a moment of relief, but it was soon followed by a deep sense of hurt. He'd wanted Mary to pick him so Dean didn't die and also so Dean didn't have to know that their mom had chosen him, so it didn't make sense to Sam why he felt so hurt that she had actually done what he'd wanted her to. Nevertheless, it did hurt. It hurt more than Sam could say. He felt expendable to his family. If Sam wasn't badly injured and emotionally vulnerable, he'd have recognised that he was never expendable to Dean. To Dean, there was no family without Sam, but Sam was growing more confused, his skin was cold and his heart hammered in his chest faster that it had ever done before. His chest hurt and he felt like he couldn't breath. He was fading and darkness was drawing in. Sam's last thought before his tired eye's shut was, _maybe Harrison won't have to kill me after all_.

* * *

From the minute they'd put Dean in handcuffs, he'd been working to get out of them. They really should have checked his pockets and taken anything that could be used to pick a lot. It wasn't easy, manoeuvring the pick lock from the inside pocket of his jacket and working it down through his sleeve. It hadn't been easy, but it was do-able, he only needed enough time to get out of the cuffs, before anyone did any killing.

Dean had been close to breaking loose from them when he'd heard the word come out of Mary's mouth. He'd been aware of the choice Harrison had given Mary, but despite her faults, Dean never thought she'd actually make the decision. He just thought he'd need her to stall until he could pick the lock. Then he'd heard his brother's name and everything came crashing down around him. Not because Sam was going to die because Dean wasn't going to let that happen, but because Dean knew how much this would crush Sam. How was anyone supposed to get over their own mother choosing for them to die? Dean didn't think Sam could. 

The shock of the moment subsided and was replaced with anger. He felt anger at his mom for choosing. She should of refused or hell, chose him before choosing Sammy. He felt anger at Harrison for putting them in this position and anger at himself for letting this happen.

Dean allowed himself a moment to look at his little brother. He was slipping into unconsciousness and Dean was pretty sure Sam would die if they didn't get him out of her asap, as he recognised the signs of shock in his baby brother. 

Knowing that Harrison was about to try and kill Sam, Dean furiously worked the lock and was rewarded with the 'click' of freedom. 

Harrison walked towards Sam, eye's alight with malicious intent and his stance, confident. Dean could see that Harrison's full attention was on Sam, so he took his chance and slammed his whole body weight into Harrison. Harrison let out a yelp and his finger hit the trigger, but Dean had already knocked him out of Sam's line and the bullet ricocheted of the wall. Dean hit the man hard, repeatedly until he was knocked out cold.

Dean had been prepared for Ketch and the other guy to leap into action and Dean was prepared to fight the two men, but Mary was already moving. Despite Mary's wounded leg, she wrestled with Ketch for his gun. A loud shot rang out once more and Dean saw Ketch at a glance. He was splayed out on the floor, hand clutching the bloody wound on his chest.

"M..Mary", rasped Ketch, his voice almost a plea. Mary eye's were cold and sharp and she aimed the gun, shooting Ketch in the head. He was dead, blood flowed from his head and his eye's although open, were completely empty.

Harrison was climbing back to his feet and with Mary taking care of the other guy, who Dean still had no idea what his name was. Dean focused on Harrison. Dean had slyly withdrawn a gun from Harrison's minion and without giving him chance to collect himself, Dean shot Harrison. He crumpled to the floor, his round face pinched in agony and shock.

Dean's shot had been aimed at the man's stomach, so the sadistic old snake was still conscious, albeit in pain. Dean looked down at the man in disgust, feeling no remorse for what he was about to do. Dean raised the gun and delivered the fatal shot to the man who'd hurt his brother and tore his family apart. 

Dean allowed his gaze to turn to Mary, who had knocked the Men of Letters employee out and was cuffing him. Mary's eye's caught Dean's. She looked at him hopefully, as if a part of her believed Dean could ever forgive her for what she'd done, but Dean knew he never would. 

Not wanting to waste another moment on the mom who'd done nothing but let them down, Dean skidded to Sam who's eye's were now only at half mast and still closing. 

"Sam? Sammy?!" Called Dean as he tried to rouse his brother. Dean noticed that Sam seemed to have gotten worse. It was bad before, but at least he was a little coherent. 

"N...no. it's Al...ways gonna be...no" Mumbled Sam as a frown formed on Sam's face. 

Sam was obviously confused and fear sliced through Dean as he felt at Sam's neck. Sam's skin was pale and cold, his pulse was weak and his breathing was rapid and shallow. 

"Sammy, talk to me. Please!", coaxed Dean. 

Dean noticed the blueish tone to Sam's lips and his body froze.

This wasn't good. 

"Mary, go get Cas, now!" Ordered Dean.

Mary seemed to flinch at the harshness in which Dean called her name, but quickly shook it off. She realised that although key cards could open certain rooms in the base, only certain hand prints would open other's. She would be able to open it from the inside, but wouldn't be able to get back in. Quickly making the decision, Mary dragged Ketch's body to the door and used his limp body to hold the door open, not caring about Ketch's dignity and then quickly ran out.

Jess was waiting outside with Jody.

"Where's Cas?!" Demanded Mary.

"Jody came to tell us that some of the other's were massively outnumbered against the Men of Letters so Cas went to help. We were going to as well, but we heard gun shots", explained Jess as she peered over Mary's shoulder. Jess recoiled at the sight of Sam.

"We need to find Cas, he needs to help Sam", stated Mary.

"Okay, we'll find him. Sam will be okay, Cas will fix him up" reassured Jody as she squeezed Jess's shoulder, but Jess didn't seem to notice. She stood in shock at the state Sam was in. 

"Hey, why don't you stay here with Sam and Dean while Mary and I find Cas?" Suggested Jody softly, "Sam's going to be okay, but we need Cas".

Jess nodding before slowly wandering closer to Sam and Dean, stepping over Ketch's still body in the process. Mary and Jody took off, painfully aware of how much they needed their friends angelic help with this one.

Jess knelt near Dean as he softly held Sam's head upright and whispered reassuring words to the younger brother. 

"Dean...", began Jess and a stray tear fell from her eye. Dean didn't look at Jess, but she could see the watery film on his eye's, the evidence of Dean doing all he could to suppress his emotions. Jess turned her attention to the youngest Winchester.

Sam, not the boy with the demon blood, but the boy who she once loved.

The man she had never stopped loving, even during the times when she was fiercely angry at him. 

Jess wanted to comfort Sam, despite knowing he was unconscious. She went to hold his hand before noticing the mangled state his hands were in. Suppressing sobs of anguish and guilt, she gently traced her own hand over Sam's, not quite touching the crushed hand to avoid hurting him. Jess carefully tucked a stray piece of hair behind Sam's ear and continued to removed the bloody hair from around his face. Dean hadn't let go of his baby brother's head whilst Jess moved Sam's signature hair. He looked like he needed the physical connection between him and his brother. 

"I'm so sorry, Sam. You don't deserve this. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry Dean", cried Jess as the weight of the guilt she felt threatened to crush her.

This was her fault.

She'd gone after Sam, taken him to this place and that's how all of this had started. 

"He's going to be okay", said Dean as he took Jess's hand. The other hand stilled cupped Sam's face, but he used his other to comfort Jess, "This isn't your fault, okay? It's there's and Sam's going to be okay. Got that? Sam's going to be just fine!"

Jess nodded and wiped away her tears.

* * *

Jody came sprinting into the room with a scrawny looking guy who looked in his 40's and was dragging a large bag with him. His hair was a mousy brown, in fact his whole appearance could be classed as mousy.

"Who's he?" demanded Dean.

"He's a doctor. Mary and I went to find Cas, but it didn't go to plan. We couldn't find Cas or the other angel's and the other's we did find are caught up with Men of Letters. They're outnumbered, but holding their own and keeping them away from you guys. I guessed that Sam didn't have the privilege of waiting around for us to find Cas so I got one of the Men of Letters on sight doctor's. Mary stayed behind to help Eileen fight because she was fighting off a few of them", explained Jody as she ushered the guy in.

"He's one of them, how do we know he's not going to shoot Sam up with a lethal injection?", questioned Dean.

"Excuse me?", interjected the doctor quietly, "I'm Dr Phillip's and I can assure you that I only intend to help Sam. I took a Hippocratic oath and it is my duty to help Sam to the best of my ability. The organisation simply brought me in to treat their members, I had no other involvement in their...varies other endeavours".

Dean appraised this, Dr Phillip's carefully and decided to trust him because with Cas missing, they really didn't have much choice given Sam's declining health.

"Okay, help him", agreed Dean.

The doctor opened the large bag to reveal a decent amount of medical equipment. He pulled out the machine that measures blood pressure. 

"Can we get him out of these restraints?" inquired Dr Phillips.

"I wasn't sure if we should move him", told Dean.

"I need to assess him properly and to do that, he needs to be out of these", stated Dr Phillip's.

Dean hurried to Ketch's body and searched for the key's to the restraints on Sam. Finding a set of key's, Dean rushed back to Sam and began trying them. Dean got the right key and managed to open the locks, but without the metal holding him in place, Sam began to fall forward until Dean caught him.

Dean would always catch him. 

"Help me to lay him down on his back, be as careful on his injuries as possible", instructed Phillip's.

Dean, Jess and Jody complied as they helped to gently lie Sam on the ground. The doctor carefully slid the blood pressure cuff over Sam's damaged hand and slid it around his upper arm and started the machine. Dean noticed the slight flicker of concern when the doctor looked at the readings.

Dr Phillip's put a stethoscope to Sam's chest and listened carefully. It annoyed Dean that the doctor wasn't telling them anything, but he kept his mouth shut as the doctor worked on Sam. Dr Phillip's got out another small machine.

"What's that?", asked Dean.

"It's a portable ECG recording machine. It checks the rhythm and electrical activity of the heart", explained Phillip's briefly as he attached round sticky pads to Sam's chest and arms, connecting wire's from the pads to the machine. Dean noticed the same concerned look from the doctor.

"What? What is it?" asked Dean.

"Sam is in serious trouble. His blood pressure has plummeted and it's dangerously low. He has a weak pulse, but his heart is beating very rapidly. His lips and fingertips are turning blue. His skin feels cold and clammy. All of these signs lead me to suspect that Sam's body has gone into hemorrhagic shock. Sam is very sick and complications from this condition can include organ damage and death. If Sam has any chance at surviving he needs to get to a hospital, I'm afraid it might already be too late. The best bet is to get him to a hospital and there is one that's only a 10 minute drive from here", explained Phillip's honestly. 

"No...no. Cas will be here soon and he will fix things", stated Dean as he gazed at his little brother.

"Dean, we can't find Cas. In the mean time, our best option is to take Sam to hospital. When we get to Cas he can heal Sam at the hospital, but right now...Sam need's help, Dean", reasoned Jody as she lay a comforting hand on Dean's shoulder.

"Okay, okay, we take him to hospital", agreed Dean shakily.

Dr Phillip's left the room to fetch a spinal board and stretcher to get Sam more safely out of the base and to the hospital.

As they helped Phillips lay Sam on the board Mary came staggering in. Her leg was wrapped tightly with a piece of her shirt that she'd ripped away, but it was obvious she was in pain. Mary was also sporting new bumps and bruises. Her hair was tinged with blood, her cheekbone was bruised and her lip was busted.

"They have Cas", announced Mary automatically as she worriedly took in the scene in front of her, "what's happening with Sam?"

"We're getting him to hospital. Who has Cas?", asked Dean.

"Several of the British Men of Letters. They have him trapped in a ring of holy fire. I saw him and came straight to you. There's a lot of them in there and the others are caught up. I need back up", admitted Mary.

Dean was conflicted. His job was to protect Sammy and it was more than obligation, Dean needed to be there for his hurt little brother, but his other brother was in danger too and Dean wanted to help. If there were a lot of other men, Mary would need both he and Jody's help at least, but he wasn't prepared to leave Sam. If something happened to Sam whilst he wasn't there, if Sam died alone....No, that wasn't going to happen.

"Dean, you can go" said Jess softly as she noticed Dean's dilemma. 

"No, I can't leave him, Jess. It's bad, he needs me", argued Dean.

"Cas needs you too and Sam needs Cas to get better because this is bad, Dean. You need to get Cas and I'll look after Sam until you can get to the hospital. I know I haven't given you reason to trust me, but you can. I promise I'll take care of him", promised Jess.

Dean hesitated knowing that Jess was right. He couldn't lose Cas and his little brother needed Cas too. Going to help Cas would help both of his brother's.

"Fine, I'll be there as soon as I can, but ring me if...if he gets worse, ring me?" Asked Dean.

"You got it", promised Jess.

"I'm going to find Cas, Sammy. He's in trouble and I know you'd want me to help him and then he can help you. Just don't go leaving me anytime soon, little brother 'cause I'll bring you back and kick your ass", fretted Dean to Sam before turning to leave with Mary and Jody. 

Dean turned to look at Sam once more. He hated leaving him, it went against every fibre in his body, but Cas needed him. Cas was family and Sam had help, Cas didn't. Plus Dean wasn't blind, he knew without angelic intervention, Sam didn't have much of a chance. So Dean would find Cas and he'd be okay. They'd all get out of this place and one of Cas' angel buddies would zap them to the hospital and make sure Sam would be fine. 

* * *

Jody and Mary led the way towards the room where they were keeping Cas. They arrived, wondering how to get into the locked room, but they weren't wondering for long. The door opened, the Men of Letters obviously wanted their company. 

Dean strode confidently into the room as he eye'd Cas' condition as he stood in the ring of holy fire. He looked a little bloody, like he'd been fighting, but not seriously injured. Dean weighed up their chances. There was Jody, Mary, himself and Cas who was trapped against 7 British Men of Letters. Dean liked a challenge.

"Okay, so how about you guys let my friend Cas go and I won't have to hurt you", bargained Dean.

"You're outnumbered, I don't think you're in the position to be bargaining", noted one of the men. There was nothing distinguishable about the men who spoke. Another British man in an expensive suit.

"That hasn't stopped me before", smirked Dean, "So are we going to do this the nice way or the not so nice way?"

"It's not your angel friend we're interested in, it's you. You killed Dr Harrison, don't think we're unaware of that. No one who kills our agent, not to mention an elder, and gets away with it. The code demands such a person to be sentenced to death", explained the Men of Letters clone in a disinterested tone.

"So, what? You're going to kill me", goaded Dean.

"That's the plan, we used the angel as bait to bring you here", he explained.

"Bad idea", stated Mary as she used her elbow to activate the fire sprinklers. The water cascaded down, extinguishing the flames that were trapping Cas.

Cas, Dean, Jody and Mary sprang into action. They fought the men with ease and soon they were all down. 

"Let's get out of here", said Jody. They quickly moved out of the room and down the hallway. They needed to find the others. They were still finding their way out when they were approached by a group of British Men of Letter's. There was around 20 of them and they were surrounding them. The group set to action once again. In the distance, Dean noticed Jesse and Cesar running to their aid. 

It was a crap situation, there were a lot of member's in the base and until the other elders got here, they'd want Dean's, and consequently any one who aligned themselves with Dean, heads on a stake but he was confident they could handle them easily. Dean could only hope that he and the other's had took any attention off Jess, the doc and Sam so that they were able to leave without a hitch. Sam seriously needed to get out of there. 

Dean was busy working over two guys, giving one a right hook and elbowing the other in the nose, when he noticed Cas seemed to be in trouble. All of the British Men of Letter's seemed to carry one of those brass knuckle dusters that had Enochian carved into them. A normal punch would do nothing to deter an angel, they'd barely feel it, but the carvings made angel's as susceptible to a beating as a human and Cas was definitely getting a beating. 

Dean concentrated on knocking out the guys he was fighting so he could help Cas, but he was too late, before he could stop it, he saw the guy who was fighting Cas take out an angel blade. It happened in slow motion, but as slow as he seemed to go, Dean was powerless to stop it. The angel blade was thrust into Cas' abdomen, a bluish light emanating from the wound. Dean watched in horror as Cas sunk to the floor. The stab wound hadn't killed him straight off which was a blessing, but that didn't mean that it wouldn't if it didn't get healed soon. 

Dean noticed the man prepare to strike Cas once again, without a moment of hesitation, Dean rammed all of his weight into the man. They both crashed to the floor and Dean ripped the angel blade out of the man's lax hand and used it to stab the man in the heart. He was a human and although Dean knew that this was what they'd been trained to do, he felt no remorse for the man who'd hurt his best friend. 

Dean knelt beside's Cas, staring at the bleeding wound closely. Cas definitely didn't look so good. 

Dean's sense's were always alert. It's what his father had trained him to do. He was always ready to take down a threat, but he would have to admit that seeing his only other family member hurt, had took him off his game slightly, but he was still aware of a threat to him. Dean began to pull his gun as turned towards the threat he knew would be there, but it was too late. The bullet flew out of the barrel of the gun and before he had chance to move, it hit him in the stomach. The impact of the shot took Dean's feet from under him and he fell to the floor, ungracefully. 

There was muffled sounds around him, motion and activity, but Dean couldn't make sense of any of it. He thought that maybe he should care or move or do something, but he couldn't. Darkness began to envelope his vision as unconsciousness beckoned him. Dean's last thought before he blacked out was about Sam and Cas. He thought that at least if they all died today, they'd all die together.

* * *

The next time Dean came to, he was laid out in the back seat of a car.

"Dean? Dean?! Speak to me, Dean", pleaded Jody from the drivers seat.

"Sam? Whe..where's Sa...mmy? Where's C..Cas?" stuttered Dean.

"Jess already took Sam to the hospital, remember? Cas got hurt and so did you. I left so I could get you to hospital. The other hunter's can take care of the British Men of Letter's and Hiram and Apphia will help Cas once they return to the group, but you need help, Dean. I'm getting you help", explained Jody. Years of being a sheriff and a hunter had given Jody the ability to remain cool and calm in desperate and scary situations . So when she explained the situation to Dean, her voice was even and cool, but it didn't portray the fear in her gut. 

Jody had lost everything when Sam and Dean had walked into her life, but they'd also gave her everything. It was because of them that Claire and Alex had come into her life. She'd gotten a second chance at a family. But it wasn't just the girls who'd wormed their way into Jody's heart, the boy's had too. She wasn't exactly old enough to be their mother, but it didn't stop her from seeing they as _her_ boys. She loved them and she would protect them in any way that she could. 

Right now, both of them were hurt and hurt badly. She was faced with the prospect of losing both of them and the thought made her feel sick, but she had to keep her head and get Dean to hospital. Jody worried about Cas and the other hunter's who had helped them. She had wanted to take Cas to hospital too, but she knew that she couldn't. He wasn't human and the injuries he had were done with an angel blade, the doctors couldn't fix that, but they could fix Dean. So she had left Cas and the other's behind. She was confident that they could handle the situation and when they all reunited and got out of there, Cas' angel buddies could heal him. It was the right thing to do, Dean could have bled out before the angel's got there and they managed to escape, he needed help now. The other hunter's had kept the British Men of Letters of her back as she basically dragged Dean out of there. Jody was strong, but Dean was over 6 foot tall, it should have been extremely difficult to get him out of there and to haul him into the car, but she had barely noticed any struggle. Jody briefly thought about adrenaline and those stories you here about how mother's who manage to lift cars of their children from pure adrenaline and motherly instinct. She was grateful for it as she climbed into the driver's seat of their car and sped off to the hospital.

Jody pulled up the car right by the entrance of the hospital and called for help as she began to pull Dean's limp body out of the backseat. At the sight of the bloody man, nurses and paramedics ran to her assistance. One came with a gurney and Dean was lifted onto it. A paramedic took note of Dean's injury and another nurse came scurrying urgently to Dean, this time leading the way for a doctor who began to poke and prod at Dean too. 

"What do we have?" questioned the doctor as they wheeled Dean through the doors. Jody followed, hoping to get some information about how Dean was doing. Over her time as a sheriff she'd become familiar with some medical jargon and she was hoping for some reassurance from the medics. Despite the team of medical professionals whisking Dean through to the ER room in the hospital, they were constantly working whilst rushing forward.

"We have a penetrating abdominal trauma caused by a GSW", Informed one of the paramedics who had rushed to help Jody.

"ABCDE's?", inquired the doctor.

"His airway aren't compromised but he's tachycardiac. On initial inspection, circulation appears to be okay. Limbs are warm and there's no discolouration. He's unconscious...", began the paramedic. 

"He lost consciousness at the scene, but came around on the drive over here before blacking out again", interjected Jody.

"And you are?", asked the doctor as she shun a light at Dean's pupil's.

"I'm Jody Mill's, I'm the sheriff over in Sioux Falls and I'm his aunt", said Jody quickly, the lie rolling of her tongue.

"Okay", nodded the doctor before turning to the paramedic, "patient isn't responding to vocal stimuli, but is responding to painful stimuli. He's a priority I, let's get him to resus".

The medics carried on shouting stats at each other as they wheeled him through the doors of resus.

"Miss Mill's? I'm afraid you can't come any further", informed a nurse as she stopped Jody at the double doors. Jody could see them rushing Dean through before the doors shut and she needed to stay with him. 

"No, he's family. His parents died, I'm all he and his brother have! I need to stay with them", argued Jody.

"I'm sorry, I understand, but he's in the best hands. Unfortunately, you have to wait here whilst our team help your nephew. I promise I will come and fill you as soon as he's stabilised and I know anything", bargained the nurse. The nurse was young. She had a badge branding her name. She was called Danielle Master's and was a trauma nurse. She couldn't have been any older than 27 but she was already developing lines around her eye's, probably a result of her job, but Jody found herself trusting her.

"Okay", Jody relented and Danielle rushed off through to resus too.

* * *

Jody grabbed a coffee from the vending machine in the ER's waiting room. She was deep in thought. She wanted to know what was happening at the men of letters base. She knew they'd be in touch when they could, but she was growing impatient. She wanted reassurance that no one else had been hurt, that Cas had been healed and that he was on his way to save her boys, but her phone showed no messages other then Claire checking in with her.

Jody thought about how Dean was getting along through those doors. She hoped that they'd let her back through in time for him to wake up because she wanted to be there when he did. Jody thought about Sam and realised that he was most likely in the hospital too. It was ten minutes away form the base like the Brit doctor had said and it was the closest one so they must have brought him here. 

Spurred on, Jody strode towards the reception.

"Can I help you?", asked a friendly looking woman at the reception. 

"My nephew was brought in here about an hour ago and I was wondering if you could tell me where he is?" questioned Mary.

"I'll have a look for you. What's your nephew's name?" the receptionist asked.

Jody was prepared for this. Jody was more than aware of Sam and Dean's previous legal trouble and she knew all about the credit card scams they pulled in order to get by. She knew the boy's never used their real last name's when they needed a doctor. A couple of years ago when Sam and Dean had dropped into her when they were near the area, they'd asked Jody if she minded them using her as an emergency contact. Jody was surprised they were filling out medical forms, but she found out they had gotten cards for their wallets to note down emergency contacts and any important information. Jody wasn't surprised by that. Sam and Dean were almost constantly in danger and they often got hurt. Cas would heal them whenever he was around, but he wasn't always around. If Sam and Dean were both seriously hurt, she would be contacted to take care of them and make important medical decisions. She'd been touched by it at the time and now she was damn grateful. Not only would it mean that the doctors would be allowed to tell her about the boy's conditions, but she was always aware of the alias' they used for medical purposes.

"His name is Sam, Sam Hetfield", stated Jody. 

The receptionist scanned her computer screen and her face became a whole lot less cheerful when she took note of the screen which made Jody nervous.

"He was taken from the ER up to ICU", reported the receptionist solemnly, "If you take the elevator to floor 2, you'll find the ICU. There are signs pointing out the way from up there".

"Okay, thank you. Could I ask you a favour?" asked Jody.

"I'll do anything within my ability to help", nodded the lady kindly.

"I have two nephew's and they're both hurt. One has just been taken through to resus, but I need to check on his brother in the ICU. One of the trauma nurses said she'd come to get me when she knew anything, if she looks for me before I come back, could you give me a call so I can come down?" asked Jody.

"Of course, I wish both of your nephew's the best", smiled the receptionist as she accepted Jody's phone number. 

"Thank you", nodded Jody before making her way to the elevator. Jody didn't want to leave, she wanted to be there when Dean needed her, but she knew Dean and she knew he'd want her to check on his little brother. Dean was getting help and right now, Jody could do nothing but sit and wait down here. In the ICU, she could at least check on Sam and take care of him if she could.

* * *

Jody arrived at the ICU and noticed the stark differences from the ER. The ER was bursting with activity. It was chaotic and filled with noise. There were sounds of chatter, crying children and the occasional shout of profanities from disgruntled patients. 

The ICU seemed to stand still. The distinctive clinical smell seemed stronger here and there was dead silence. The kind of silence that makes you feel like you almost have to hold your breath because you're scared of breaking it. 

Jody moved forward and noticed there weren't any nurses at the station. Figuring they were probably busy seeing to patients and not wanting to wait any longer, Jody decided to find Sam herself. 

Jody passed room after room, several of them closed with the blinds shut. She decided to check out the one's that were open to avoid disturbing any distressed families.

Finally, Jody came to a room that's door was wide open. 

Jess was in there. Hunched uncomfortably in a plastic chair beside's a bed. An empty bed.

Fear gnawed at Jody. Her body moved forward into the room on autopilot, the rest of her had frozen.

Sensing a new arrival, Jess's head snapped up and she stood up. Her eye's were red and a little bloodshot. Pain etched into her features. 

"Sam...he's not?" Stuttered Jody, fearing the worst.

"No...no! They took him to surgery", reassured Jess, realising Jody's panic.

"Thank God!", breathed Jody.

"Wait, are the other's here? Cas? Are they going to fix Sam? Where's Dean?" rushed Jess.

"I came here to get Dean help", admitted Jody, "We got ourselves out numbered and Cas was stabbed with an angel blade, Dean went to check on him and got shot. We still didn't know where about Hiram and Apphia were so I got Dean out of there. He was hurt and I didn't know if he could wait for the angel's to come so I drove him here. The other's are taking care of the men of letters".

"God. This is awful", stated Jess as she flopped back down into the chair, "How is Dean?"

"They took him into resus. A nurse in the ER is going to call me when I can see him or if they have news", explained Jody, "I came to see how Sam was?"

"The doctor at the base was right. Sam was in hemorrhagic shock which is serious. There are different stages and the further along, the more severe it is and the more bleak the outcome looks. Sam...he's wasn't doing so good. They tried to stop further bleeding and to treat the other problems the bleeding caused without surgical intervention, but it wasn't enough. They intubated him because he couldn't breath on his own and the bleeding wasn't stopping so they suspected internal bleeding too. They said he was bleeding within the thoracic and abdominal cavity so they took him into surgery. I haven't heard anything since", explained Jess as a tear slid down his cheek, "Before they left, the doctor gave me 'the talk'. He said that although we always hope for the best, that I should prepare myself for the worst. His condition is pretty severe. He lost a lot of blood from internal damage from the beating Ketch gave him and the shock itself is serious. His blood pressure bottomed, his heart was way too fast and his pulse was weak. He can't breath for himself and he crashed when they first got him here. They said the chances of organ damage is great and that when Sam's heart stopped beating when we first got here, that will have stopped the supply of oxygen to his brain so even if he does survive, he could have brain damage".

"No...no! That's not going to happen, okay Jess? Sam's strong and he's been through a lot and has survived. The doctors only need to keep him alive until the angel's get here and they will fix Sam and Dean and they will both be fine. This isn't the end, okay? Sam's going to survive. He always does and even when the Winchester's die, they don't stay dead. Sam and Dean are going to live until they're in the 80's and Dean's chatting up nurses in the nursing home and Sam's complaining about the lack of salad's in there, okay? Because I'm not going to accept any other option", yelled Jody.

"Okay, I'm sorry. You're right, I'm sorry...It's just, you should have seen how he looked", began Jess as her voice broke.

Jody's intensity softened. She wasn't yelling at Jess, she was shouting at the world for all of it's injustice. She was shouting at herself, trying to convince herself because despite her words being true, Jody was scared for Sam and Dean too. 

"Hey, it's okay. I know, it's horrible, but you have to remember that this temporary. They're going to be healthy and get through this. You just have to remember that", comforted Jody as she place a comforting hand on Jess's shoulder.

* * *

Jody had stayed with Jess for a while, but Sam had yet to come out of surgery. Jody decided to go down and check that everything was okay with Dean. The receptionist hadn't rang with any news yet, but Jody was getting impatient. Jess promised to ring Jody the minute she had any news on Sam. 

When Jody returned to the ER waiting room, the receptionist told her that the nurse hadn't come out yet so Jody returned to the chairs, waiting nervously for news. 

Jody wasn't sure how long it had been, she guessed at least a couple of hours, but finally the kind nurse from earlier walked through the doors and Jody was on her feet instantly. 

"How is he?", asked Jody urgently. 

"He's in recovery, he needed surgery, but he's stable now. If you come with me, Mr Hetfield's doctor will explain his condition fully", explained Danielle.

"Thank you", agreed Jody as she followed the nurse through the doors, eventually stopping in front of an office.

"You can go in when you're ready", smiled Danielle before turning to leave.

"I'm Jody Mill's, Dean Hetfield's aunt", announced Jody as she walked into the small office.

"Miss Mill's, I'm doctor Summer's, your nephew's physician. Take a seat", greeted Dr Summer's.

"Thanks. So how is Dean? The nurse said he had surgery?", began Jody.

"Yes, often with penetrating trauma to the abdomen there can be damage to internal organs and serious internal bleeding. We discovered that the bullet had damaged Dean's pancreas. We performed a laparotomy to identify the extent of the injury and repair damage to the ducts. The surgery was successful, however injuries to the pancreas can carry other risks and complications. For example it can cause blood clots to form in the arms or legs which can travel to the lungs causing a pulmonary embolism which is, unfortunately, what happened to Dean. Unfortunately, it was quite a severe case and treatment to remove the blockage is needed. We will remove the blockage by using an injection of a type of medication called a thrombolytic which will break up the blood clot. Dean also lost blood from the gunshot wound and we are giving him blood transfusions and have put in an IV line to provide him with medication and nutrients. Dean's body has been through quite the trauma, but he's strong and providing no further complications, he should make a full recovery", explained Dr Summer's.

"Oh, thank god! Thank you for taking care of him", breathed Jody in relief. The list of injuries made Jody's stomach roll and she thought the doctor may have been building up to give her bad news, but Dean would be okay. He'd been through a lot but he was going to be okay. 

"He may take a little while to wake up given his injuries and the anaesthesia, but once they have him set up on a ward, you're more than welcome to sit with him", offered Dr Summer's, "I apologise for bringing this up, but could you tell me what happened? A receptionist told one of our nurses that you had had gone up to check on Dean's brother who is also in the hospital, Sam Hetfield? I don't mean to pry, but given his injuries, he looks like he has been tortured and his brother has a serious gunshot wound...Do I need to ring the police? It is procedure to inform the authorities in cases such as these, but I'm aware you're a sheriff so I wanted to speak to you first".

"I appreciate that, but there is no need to call the authorities, they're already at the scene. My nephews were attacked by a gang, it was case of mistaken identity and they got caught up in gang violence that they had no part in. I'm the sheriff in Sioux Falls, not here, but given it involved family, I pulled some strings and the local police department stepped in to lend a hand. The culprits have been arrested and I'm sure they'll send someone over to interview the boy's when they're up to it, but as a favour to me, they agreed to stay away until my say so", explained Jody, the lie rolling of her tongue. As much as Jody would love for the bastards that did this to Sam and Dean to spend the rest of their lives in jail, this was complicated. The police's involvement would open a whole can of worms and draw attention to the boy's who were technically dead criminals.

"Okay, sure. It's not that I don't trust you, but legally, I'll need proof of your position and someone from the police department to get in touch with me", stated Dr Summer's.

"Of course", agreed Jody showing the doctor her badge, "and I'll have someone call you".

"Thank you and I hope whoever is responsible for your nephew's conditions gets sent away for a long time. I'll go check to see if Dean is set up on a ward and I'll come to get you if he is", stated Dr Summer's as she walked out of the office.

* * *

Jody sat beside Dean's bed as she waited for him to wake. Dean looked pale and had wire's that seemingly came from everywhere, but he was alive. The regular rise and fall of his chest reassured her of that. Dr Summer's had also been along whilst Jody was waiting for Dean to wake, to check on him. They'd informed her that the treatment to remove the blood cot was successful. Jody gripped Dean's limp hand, wanting to provide him with some sort of comfort. 

Jody felt Dean's hand twitch and noticed his eyelid began to flutter.

"Dean? That's it, wake up. You're going to give me grey hairs if you keep this sleeping thing up", coaxed Jody.

"S..Sam?", mumbled Dean.

"Dean, it's Jody", informed Jody softly. Dean began to open his eye's and appraised his surroundings.

"What happened?", wondered Dean.

"You got shot so I brought you to the hospital. You had surgery. You're banged up nicely so you probably won't feel so good, but you're going to be okay", smiled Jody.

"What about Sam and Cas? And the other's, what happened to the British men of letters?", questioned Dean.

"We'll talk about that later, okay, you're just waking up", said Jody.

"Jody, I need to know", insisted Dean.

"Okay", sighed Jody, "Sam's in surgery. Jess is upstairs in the ICU waiting to get news, but the doctor said it's pretty bad Dean...Jess is going to ring me as soon as she gets news. Cas, you remember that he was stabbed? Well, we knew we couldn't take him to hospital because of him being an angel, but you needed the hospital. The other's held the British men of letters off whilst I got you out of there. The group are handling them and Hiram and Apphia will heal Cas and bring him here as soon as possible", explained Jody.

"But...it's got to have been a while, I had surgery. Why haven't you heard anything? Why isn't Cas here? It shouldn't have took that long", worried Dean.

"I'm sure everything's fine Dean. They'll call as soon as they can", reassured Jody.

"Sam, you said he was in surgery? I need to go up there. I need to be there when he comes back", fretted Dean. 

"You've been shot and just come out of surgery. Right now, you'd just be waiting by an empty bed. As soon as we hear anything, you'll be the first to know,  but you're no good to Sam if you cause yourself more injury so you need to rest", scolded Jody softly.

* * *

Dean hadn't exactly waited patiently for news. He chewed Jody's ear off. Jody was relieved when her phone rang.

"Hello? Okay, thanks for letting me know", spoke Jody.

"Was it Jess?" asked Dean.

"Yeah, they bringing Sam back to the ICU", admitted Jody.

"I'm going up there", stated Dean.

"Dean, you're in no fit state", argued Jody.

"I don't care, Sammy needs me and either your helping me or I'm ripping all of this crap out and going anyway", persisted Dean.

"Fin, but I'm getting a nurse so we can take all of these wires with us and you're going up in a wheelchair or no deal", bargained Jody.

"Fine", huffed Dean.

* * *

The elevator 'tinged' and they arrived at the floor of the ICU, Jody wheeled Dean through to Sam's room. Jess was pacing the hallway and the door and blinds were closed.

"Dean, you're okay?" greeted Jess.

"So it seems, where's Sam?"

"They wanted me out of there whilst they set up the machine's he needs and stuff. The doctor wants to talk to us before we go into Sam. I'm just waiting for him to come", explained Jess, "He's on his way".

Dean looked in the direction of Jess' finger and saw a tired looking doctor making his way to them.

"Family of Sam Hetfield?" questioned the doctor.

"Yeah, I'm his brother", informed Dean.

"I'm Jody, their aunt", added Jody.

"Are you a family member because I'm afraid it's hospital policy that we can only provide information to relatives? Otherwise you'll need to stay here while I explain Sam's condition " asked the doctor to Jess. Jess looked dumbfounded and searched for what to say.

"Jess is Sammy's wife. They met at college 14 years ago, been married for 10. She's family", interjected Dean.

"Okay, I'm Dr Matthew's. If you'd come with me so we can talk somewhere more private", greeted the doctor as he led the way for the group, all of them hesitant to go any further away from Sam.

Following the doctor, they all piled into his office, an action that was familiar to Jody from not all too long ago.

"So, how is Sammy?" inquired Dean once they were all settled.

"I'm afraid Sam's condition is serious. His hands were completely crushed, he had some deep incisions which led to further blood loss and muscle damage, he had severe burns and signs of a severe beating which caused internal injuries. The blood loss caused hemorrhagic shock which is very serious, especially the severity that Sam experienced. Sam also has several broken ribs which led to Sam's lung collapsing. We managed to repair the tear in surgery. Sam had severe bleeding in his abdominal cavity and we tried to stop the bleeding, but the damage is severe. The bleeding from his external injuries and from the internal bleeding led to a massive amount of blood loss. We tried to stop the bleeding and compensate for the blood loss, but he was losing blood quicker than we could replace it. Sam's condition was severe and the hemorrhagic shock was already advanced when he arrived at the hospital. The lack of blood and fluid in Sam's body led to complications. There was damage to Sam's internal organs and Sam crashed on arrival to the hospital and during the operation. His heart stopped for a considerable amount of time and although we were able to get a pulse, the lack of oxygen to Sam's brain is likely to result in brain damage. We are continuing to treat Sam and we did what we could in surgery, but we had to close up when Sam's condition became unstable. He's being taken to his room where he'll be placed on life support. He is intubated and a ventilator is breathing for him. Sam is currently in a coma and is not responding to painful stimulus. I'm afraid you should prepare yourselves for the possibility that it's unlikely  Sam will survive and even if he did, the chances that he'll ever make a full recovery is unlikely. We are doing everything we can for him, but medically, the outlook isn't great. It's really up to Sam and how much he fights now, whether or not he wakes. However, if sam doesn't show any signs of brain function in the near future, we'll we have to discuss withdrawing life support. I'm sorry to have to give you this news. The team are setting up Sam's room for him and you are welcome to sit with him once everything is done, but you will need to prepare yourselves, often the sight of seeing a loved one so unwell can be very upsetting to their loved one's", finished Dr Matthew's.

Dean felt like screaming. The doctor was essentially saying that the chances of Sam living were very slim and the chances of him recovering back to his normal self were non existent. The only chance Sam had wasn't anything the docs would find in their medical journals. Cas and his friends were Sam's only chance now, but Jody hadn't heard a word from anyone who had stayed back at the base. It shouldn't have took this long and the fact that it had wasn't good. What if they all had died? They had chipped in to help them and because of him, they could all be dead. Other than Cas and the couple of angel friends he had, no other angel would be willing to help him and without supernatural intervention Sam wasn't coming out of this. Dean would sell his soul for Sam again in an instant, but he doubted any demon would make the deal these days. He could have lost Cas and now Sammy was slipping away right in front of him. He couldn't lose both Sam and Cas, he just couldn't. 

"Dean, do you want to go see Sam now?" asked Jody softly, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah, let's go to him", agreed Dean.

Jody pushed Dean in the direction of Sam's room with Jess by her side. They arrived in front of the closed door.

"If you need anything, don't hesitant to ask a nurse to come collect me. I'll be in shortly again soon to check on Sam anyway", offered Dr Matthew's before leaving the group to face Sam in private. Jess opened the door, but hesitated once it was open. Jody took the plunge, wheeling Dean's wheelchair into the large and spacey room. 

Dean looked at his little brother and heard Jess gasp as she followed behind them. They'd both seen him back at the base, but when someone's life is in danger, your brain can't really take in how bad a situation was and the ugly tube protruding from Sam's throat made the situation look even worse. Dean felt like punching someone. Ideally Ketch, but he was dead so right now, he'd take anything. Sam looked bad, really bad. He already looked dead. Whatever Toni had served Sam up in that basement was child's play compared to Ketch. The guy was a complete psychopath. Dean had seen a little snippet of that when he'd worked the case with him. It wasn't a job to the guy, he just got kicks out of hurting people and hurt people, he sure did.

He'd hurt Sammy.

They wanted Sam for some spell, but Dean had to wonder if they really needed Sam or just his body because Ketch hadn't been careful to keep Sam alive. He'd beaten and tortured him almost to death. Possibly even to death if the situation got any worse.

As Jody pushed Dean's chair closer, Dean went to hold his brother's hand before remembering the damage that was inflicted on them. Dean was thankful that bandages were covering the mess of what was left of his brother's hands. He couldn't deal with seeing them crushed and all messed up. The nurses had covered what they could of his brothers injuries so Dean couldn't see the worst of it, but they couldn't bandage his entire body and Dean took note of the lesser injuries that he could see. Bruises decorated every inch of the skin that was visible to Dean. Angry and fresh. Several more minor cuts littered his skin too and Dean just wanted them to go away and to be replaced with fresh, unharmed skin. Sam's face was severely swollen from the hits and that along with the bruising and abrasions, Sam was barely recognisable. 

Dean sat by Sam, laying his hand further up Sam's arm. He was terrified he was going to lose his brother, both of them.

* * *

Dean, Jody and Jess sat around Sam's bed in silent unison. The peacefulness was broken by the arrival of a nurse. Her name badge stated that her name was Marie Watkins and she was an advanced practise nurse. She looked around her mid thirties. She was slim with dark blonde hair and hazel eye's. Freckle's dotted her cheeks and she had a killer smile. She'd definitely be someone Dean would flirt with if he wasn't so preoccupied with Sam. 

"I know I said to your assigned nurse that you could come up here,  but we agreed, only for a little while. Dean, you need to get back to bed so your own healthcare providers can look after you properly. You're unwell too", stated Marie.

"Look, I appreciate you looking after my brother and all, but I'm not moving from here. You'll have to drag me out of here kicking and screaming if you want me to leave and even then, I'm still not leaving my little brother. Sammy needs me", told Dean.

Marie eye'd Dean with a raised eyebrow before turning her attention to Sam's broken body. A flash of sympathy and sorrow clouded her eye's before being replaced with determination, "Okay then", stated Marie as she grabbed Dean's wheelchair and moved it to the end of Sam's bed.

"What are you doing?" demanded Dean. 

"You're not moving out of this room, you've made that quite clear, but that doesn't stop me from treating you too. I was moving you out of the way so there was room to move an extra gurney in here. I'll pull some strings and let you stay in this room too. We can get you set up in a hospital bed next to Sam where we can continue your treatment. This is the only way I'm willingly to let you stay in here. I get that you need to be with your brother, but you were shot Dean and you are still unwell. You'll get better if you let us help you, but otherwise, you're going to get yourself in an even worse position. What good will you be to your brother unconscious?", scolded Marie.

"I'll take it, but can you do that? This is the ICU, I don't need the ICU", questioned Dean. 

"I'm the head nurse around here so I have some pull. It's not protocol, but I think I can swing it. It will involve your case being transferred to the nurse here, but that shouldn't be a problem and I am familiar with you physician, Dr Summer's, I'm sure she won't mind taking the elevator to review your condition when she needs to. In terms of your general care, we're more than capable of handling it. Plus it might be good for Sam. There's no solid evidence for patients awareness whilst in a comatose state, but not everything can be put down to science and I believe having family by their side makes a huge difference in a patients recovery", explained Marie.

"Thank you for being so cool about this", nodded Dean.

"No problem, I'll go make the necessary arrangements", smiled Marie.

Jody jogged outside to catch up with the nurse.

"Hey, I just wanted to thank you for doing this. I know this isn't exactly the norm and I hope you don't get in any trouble for doing this", thanked Jody.

"I'm pretty sure Dean wouldn't have moved even if we wanted him too. This way, they both get the care they need. It's really no problem", reassured Marie.

"Well, thanks all the same. Those boy's are each other's worlds. There's not one without the other and Dean needed this. You've gone above and beyond and I'll make sure to sing your praises to the big wigs around here", added Jody sincerely.

"In this job, I see a lot of patients who have no one. They're here for a while, slowly slipping away with no one by their side to hold their hands and it's heartbreaking. It's nice to see someone who cares so much about their family and in my experience, patients who have a good support network always do better", smiled Marie before wandering of to make the arrangements.

* * *

The bed they'd brought in for Dean was as close to Sam's as possible without interfering with the medical equipment that was keeping Sammy alive. Dean was now back in bed with wires and IV's sticking out of him. He wasn't going to admit it, but he had been feeling a little worse for ware before Marie came in. His dressings had been checked and his wound was doing okay. They were giving him another blood transfusion, but he was doing okay. The same couldn't be said for Sam. Not long after Dean had been given the bed next to Sam's, a machine began to ring out. Nurses rushed in and ushered Jody and Jess out of there. They let Dean stay but they drew the curtain that was in the middle of the room so Dean couldn't see what was going on.

He didn't need to see to know though. Dean knew the beep meant that they were losing Sam more than they already had, that he was crashing. He heard the sound of the defibrillator being charged and the doctor shouting out numbered instructions. Dean heard the jolt of electricity and the 'thump' of Sam's body as his arched back hit the bed once again. It took them a couple of time's, but they finally got a pulse back and Dean let go of a breath he hadn't known he was holding.

Things had been the same as before after that. Jody had sat by his bed and Jess by Sam's. After the terrifying incident when Sam's heart stopped beating, even with the help of advanced medical machinery, Dean had kept his arm outstretched in order to touch Sam's arm. He needed the physical contact to reassure himself that he was still there. That Sam was being kept alive.

As Jody made small talk with Jess and Dean and included an unresponsive Sam in conversations about funny cop stories, a phone began to ring.   

"It's me", announced Jody, "I'll just be outside".

Dean waited hopefully for Jody to return, desperate to hear some good news about the hunter's, angels, demon and witch who'd helped him. 

Jody walked back in, looking a little more lifted than before.

"That was Mary", told Jody.

"How is everyone? What happened? Is Cas okay? Are they on their way?" questioned Dean.

"One question at a time hey?", laughed Jody, "They did get in some trouble which is why they were a while. The British men of letters locked the base down completely and no one could get out. They managed to fend off the guys who were after them, but it took them a while to find a way to get out. They did though eventually. Those other elders you had a chat with arrived just as they were getting out. Typical, couldn't have timed it little earlier could they?!", noted Jody bitterly.

"But they're okay? Everyone's out now and Cas is fine?", pushed Dean.

"Cas is okay,  but there were casualties. Mick and Cas' friend Hiram are dead", revealed Jody cautiously.

Dean felt bad. Mick had betrayed his men to help them and Hiram had turned his back on heaven to help Cas, but Dean was also relieved that they hadn't lost more people and that Cas was okay. 

"It sucks about Mick and Hiram. I'm not sure what the protocol is with angel funerals, but we'll give Mick a hunter's funeral. He deserves it and he was one of us", replied Dean solemnly, "but I'm glad the other's are okay. Are they coming here...do they know that Sam needs help?!"

"Dean, take it easy or you'll mess up your stitches. I explained to Mary about Sam's condition and she's going to tell Cas", explained Jody.

"Thank god, hear that Sammy? You'll be all fixed up soon", grinned Dean.

"So, when's he comi....", began Dean as Cas and Apphia appeared in the room, "I guess now". 

Cas looked paler than usual and a little dishevelled, but unharmed. 

"Dean, I came as soon as I could", stated Cas.

"I know you did, Cas. I'm so glad you're okay", reassured Dean as he began to lean forward to stand.

"Dean, you're injured. Stay there", instructed Cas.

"Allow me", offered Apphia. The beautiful angel lay a graceful yet powerful hand on Dean's forehead and he soon felt the warm surge of grace spreading through his body, taking away the pains of his injuries. Dean checked himself over, noting that he was completely good and new again. 

"Thank you Apphia. Really and I'm sorry about Hiram", said Dean genuinely. 

"It's okay. Hiram died carrying out god's mission, to protect humanity. He died nobly", replied Apphia. 

"Okay, now can one of you heal Sam because he's really not doing well", pleaded Dean.

Cas walked over to Sam's side, Jess shifting to allow Cas access. Cas frowned at Sam before placing a hand gently across Sammy's head.

"Oh Sam, why is it that trouble and pain always seem to find you", muttered Cas softly to Sam's still form, "He is gravely injured, Dean".

"So what are you saying, that you can't heal him?", questioned Dean with a hint of panic in his voice.

"I am still somewhat weakened from my own injury and Sam's injuries are severe. I'm afraid I can not heal Sam, but I'm sure that Apphia could. If you would oblige, Apphia?", asked Cas.

"Of course", nodded Apphia as she wandered to Sam.

"Well?", pushed Dean.

"He is dying", noted Apphia quietly, "But I am able to heal all of his physical ailments, leaving no lasting repercussions. The psychological wounds from his trauma, however, I can not heal". Apphia pressed her palm firmly on top of Sam's chest and healed him. Dean instantly saw Sam's cuts and bruises disappear and a soft choking sound from Sam fighting the intubation tube, made itself known. Apphia clicked her fingers and the tube was gone. The machine's around Sam were switched off and disconnected from him and his chest was rising and falling on it's own. Dean was just about to ask Apphia why his brother still wasn't awake when a crashing sound startled the whole room. 

Nurse Marie stood in the door way, a pile of folder's splayed across the floor which had been dropped in shock by the kind nurse.

"Marie, we can explain...", began Dean.

"Explain how that woman shone blue light from her hands and now Sam seems to be healed? Please do", exclaimed Marie in a shaky voice.

"Look, I'll explain everything, but we need you not to freak out", instructed Dean quietly.

"Okay, not freak out...I can do that", agreed Marie as she softly closed the door behind her.

"You might not believe me", warned Dean.

"I just saw a critically ill coma patient get cured by magic, I'm pretty sure I can believe whatever you sell me", reassured Marie. 

"Okay, well...There are things in our world most people aren't aware of. Monsters; vampire's, werewolves, ghost's, demon's, the whole lot of them are real. They exist and their are people out there, hunter's who's job is to kill the monster's that hurt people. Sam and I are hunter's, have been all of our lives. Our job was how we both ended up injured in the first place. Monster's aren't the only things that are real, angel's are too. The short guy in the trench coat is an angel, the lady who you just saw heal Sam is an angel too. That's how she was able to heal my brother", explained Dean.

Marie looked at Dean incredulously, "That sounds crazy and if I hadn't have seen what I just saw, I probably would have called for a psych consult to have you 5150...but I believe you. How can I not after what I just saw?"

"Good, so can you keep this on the down low until we sneak Sam out of here?", asked Dean.

"If he's healed, why is he not awake?", asked Marie to Apphia.

"Sam is physically fine and he is recovered completely, but his body has still experienced a massive trauma and he'll need a moment to come around, but he will come around within an hour or so. He's merely sleeping at the moment", explained the angel. 

"Fine, I'll keep quiet, but I'm checking you both over for my own piece of mine", agreed Marie.

"Fine by me", smiled Dean.

* * *

"Maybe I've lost my mind, but he's healed. You are both completely fine. You should get out of here. The miraculous healing of a coma patient will draw attention and I have a suspicion that you don't want that, Mr 'Hetfield'. I'll deal with the fall out. I'll come up with some explanation", offered Marie after she'd check the boy's over.

"This is a lot to ask of you, so thank you", nodded Dean meaningfully.

"Don't mention it, just try not to get yourselves killed, okay?" smiled Marie.

"We'll do out best", laughed Dean, "So how will we do this?"

"I can transport us back to your place of residence", stated Apphia 

"Okay, let's go", agreed Dean.

* * *

Sam, Dean, Cas, Jody, Jess and Apphia were all back at the bunker. Apphia quickly left, having her own business to deal with, but the other's stayed by. Jody had contacted the other's and they were heading back to the bunker, except for Crowley and Rowena who were going off to do whatever it was that a demon king and witch did. 

Dean and Cas had settled Sam onto his own bed for his power nap that they hoped would end pretty soon. 

Dean was relieved beyond words that Sam was alive and that he would stay that way. The prospect of losing him again had been unbearable and the relief rolled over him as a constant comfort. He knew this wasn't over yet though. When Sam woke up, he could be in bad shape mentally. He'd been tortured mercilessly and his own mother had sentenced him to death. Sam was going to be hurt, but Dean was going to be there. He decided that they should take some time of from the hunt. Maybe go to somewhere with a warm climate and nice sandy beach. Or maybe they could go somewhere cultural with museums and other geeky stuff that Sam would love. He would think of something that would make Sam happy because Sam was going to need it. 

Whatever frame of mind Sam was in when he woke up, Dean would be there to pull him through it. He would always be there. As he saw Cas also pulling up a chair next to Sam's bed and Jody bringing in food and water and Jess carrying a hot water bottle, he began to realise he wasn't the only one who would be there for his brother. He and Sam had an amazing family. They'd lost so much, but they had a lot too and it was in these kind of time's that Dean was grateful to have friends like Cas and Jody, especially when they had certain blood family members which had always let them down. 

Dean squeezed Sam's arm, a silent reassurance that he was there, that they were all there. Sam was okay and so was he and he planned to make sure to fix what Mary may have broken.

 

 


	7. New Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update with the next chapter. I've actually had it written up for some time but due to some personal issue's, haven't been on to upload it. Anyway, here it is, I'm also close to completing the next chapter of 'The Grey', my other fic that I'm currently working on. I hope you enjoy.

Dean was sitting at Sam's bedside, eating a sandwich, when Sam began to wake. Dean was instantly alert to the slightest movement from Sam. His little brother's face pulled into a frown as he began to regain consciousness.

"Sammy? You with me little brother?", coaxed Dean.

Sam's eye's fluttered open, scanning the room before allowing them to fall on Dean. Dean almost flinched at the look in Sam's eye's.

He looked defeated.

"Dean?" asked Sam quietly. 

"Yeah, I'm here Sammy", grinned Dean.

"What happened?" inquired Sam.

"We'll talk about that later, okay buddy?", said Dean gently.

"No, what happened, Dean? The last thing I remember was mom...I remember being in that chair with Harrison about to shoot me and then it's all blank. What happened? Is everyone okay? Ketch...is he still...he's going to come back for me! He won't just let me go", stuttered Sam as panic built in his voice.

"Hey, it's okay. Ketch is gone, he's dead. The British Men of Letter's aren't going to be a problem anymore. You're okay", assured Dean.

"He's dead? He's dead", nodded Sam, "How am I okay? I didn't feel okay".

"You weren't. You were about as far away from okay as a person could get. Ketch did a number on you. You had serious internal injuries and went into shock from the blood loss. You were in a coma and you almost died. You would have died if Cas' angel friend, Apphia, hadn't saved you", explained Dean reluctantly. 

"Are you okay?", asked Sam in concern. 

"I'm fine, Sammy. What about you? Do you want to talk about what happened to you or about mom...", began Dean. 

"You know, I think I'm actually pretty hungry", interrupted Sam, avoiding the subject completely.

Dean sighed. He wasn't so fond of talking things out either, but Sam had been through hell. He'd suffered through horrific torture and his mother had essentially sentenced him to death. Dean understood Sam wanting to avoid it, but he worried that if Sam didn't process this, it would eat him up.

"Okay, let's get some food", agreed Dean with a sigh, "You okay walking?"

"Yeah, I feel fine Dean", groused Sam.

Dean hovered by Sam as they walked through the bunker. Sam was quiet and it only made Dean worry more.

"Cas is in the kitchen. He's been parked up by your bed too, so were Jody and Jess. They only left your room to sort out dinner. The other's stopped by, but then left to go back home. They wanted me to keep in touch and let them know how you were. Eileen had stuff to do, but she's going to head back when she can. She wants to see you up and about in person", informed Dean.

"Other hunter's? Eileen? What happened?", frowned Sam in confusion. 

"We had backup from a fair few people. Eileen, Jesse and Cesar, Cole Trenton...those witch/hunter's, Alicia and Max, they helped take down the Brit's", explained Dean.

"Did everyone make it out alive?", fretted Sam.

"Mostly, but Mick was killed and so was Cas' other angel friend, Hiram", admitted Dean.

"God, is Cas okay?" Wondered Sam.

"He seems fine. Happy that we're okay"

"Mick was raised in the organisation. It's all he knew, but he turned his back on that to help us and look where it got him. I'm so stupid for going out there and walking right into their trap", sighed Sam regretfully.

"Hold up, I don't want to here any of this guilt crap. They cursed you, you didn't have control over your own choices. None of the guys blame you anyway. Half of them are our friends and wanted to get you back home and it was in their interest that the Brit's were dealt with too. They're all concerned about you and want to know if you're okay", interjected Dean.

"That's thoughtful of them, but I'm fine. Is she here...." began Sam before trailing off.

"She's not here. I told her to stay away", admitted Dean, aware of what Sam was trying to ask.

"You don't have to do that. Not for me. She's your mom, Dean. You don't have to cut her off", shrugged Sam quietly.

"She stopped being our mom the moment she stopped acting like one", scowled Dean as they arrived in the kitchen.

Cas looked up and plastered an unnatural looking smile on his face. Jess turned around too, smiling in relief at Sam.

"You're awake!", exclaimed Jess as she threw her arms around Sam's neck. The gesture was familiar, but so out of place, too. It had been so long since he'd been with Jess, since he'd felt as safe as he did back then. It felt unreal now, like a dream, but the hug felt so good that he allowed himself to be comforted by it before she let go and walked back to the kitchen. 

She pushed a plate in front of him.

"It's spring chicken, eat up", instructed Jess softly. 

Sam complied and pretended not to notice the, far from subtle, looks that Dean, Cas and Jess were passing one and another. 

"Where's Jody?" Asked Sam.

"She went on a food run, but she's going to stick around for a little while. Claire is still hunting and Alex is staying with some friends for a few days anyway, so she'd only be alone", explained Dean. Sam merely nodded.

"So, Sam. How are you?" Questioned Cas.

"I'm fine Cas, your friend fixed me up good as new", answered Sam. 

"Yes, but I was referring to your psychological well-being rather than your physical well-bei...", began Cas.

"I said that I'm fine!", snapped Sam.

"Sammy...", started Dean softly.

"I'm sorry, Cas. I'm just tired still. I think I still need to catch up on some sleep", excused Sam.

"You just woke up", acknowledged Dean.

"I don't know if it's the healing or the injuries, but I'm still burnt out so I'm going to lie down", lied Sam as he stood and left the room. 

Dean didn't want to let him go. He knew his brother's head was likely to be a storm of nasty memories and thoughts right now, but he knew pushing Sam wouldn't achieve anything. So he let Sam disappear down the hallway. 

"I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't mean to make Sam uncomfortable", apologised Cas.

"You didn't make him uncomfortable, Cas. Being tortured and let down by Mary is what made him uncomfortable", reassured Dean.

"So, what do we do now?", asked Jess with a sigh.

"We wait until he's ready to talk", replied Dean simply.

* * *

Sam shut his bedroom door behind him. He leant against the door and allowed his back to slide down it until he was crouched on the floor with his knee's to his chest. 

Sam didn't mean to snap at Cas. He knew that he was only concerned, as were Dean and Jess. He knew they were trying to help him, but Sam just wanted things to go back to normal...well, as normal as their lives have ever been.

Sam didn't remember the hospital, but he remembered everything else. 

He remembered feeling his bones splintering as Ketch crushed his hand. He remembered every second that his skin was being assaulted by a blow torch. He remembered the blood, the cuts and the punches in all of their glory. He felt every second of it, each new wave of pain bringing back heart stopping memories from several past situations that held similarities to this one. 

The cage, specifically.

Sam had been in these kind of situations on too many occasions, but it never desensitised him to it.

Not after the Cage.

He didn't want to think about that. Ketch's torture had been child's play compared to Lucifer's work, but that didn't make having your bones crushed, hurt any less, but it did make those past memories, that much more vivid. 

Then there was Mary.

Sam had been so relieved when Dean showed up. He was seriously injured and in shock, but the disorientation didn't make Dean's arrival any less sweet. 

After Dean had arrived, he floated in and out of consciousness, but he was fully awake when he heard Mary say his name.

When she'd chosen for him to die.

On a rational level, Sam could recognise that it was an impossible decision and that she was forced into it. Rationally, Sam knew that he had wanted Mary to choose him to die rather than Dean. Rationally, he knew that Mary didn't want to make the choice and it didn't mean that she didn't care about him. But Sam didn't feel rational right now. He couldn't help, but think about how distant Mary had been. She was distant to both of them, but she had at least text Dean regularly. 

Sam wondered if Mary secretly did hate him. Did she blame him for her death? Yellow eye's did want him after all. Was she disappointed in the man he had become? Maybe she just didn't like him. Mary and Dean had so much in common. Their taste in music and food. The way they present themselves and interact with people. They were so alike and Sam wasn't. He didn't fit.

Just like he'd never fit.

Sam knew Dean loved him. He'd always made Sam his priority, but Dean didn't have much of a choice in that. Whenever Dean had a chance at happiness, Sam seemed to be the thing in the way of it. Even now, Dean wasn't talking to Mary out of loyalty to him. He wasn't talking to the mother that he'd idolised for years. It was because of Sam and Dean's loyalty to him that the situation was so bad between Dean and Mary. 

Maybe Mary saw that. Maybe she remembered what their life had been like before Sam was born. Just a normal mom and dad with their little boy.

Until Sam came along and ruined all of their lives.

Sam berated himself. He was being pathetic and wallowing and he scolded himself for it. He was being dramatic. He wanted to let it go. Move on from it, rather than dwelling on it, but Sam's brain couldn't catch up with what he wanted. So the memories of torture and the pitiful thoughts about his burden to his family kept going around in his head. He'd felt this hopeless before. Many times. After Jess had died, after he let Lucifer out, after the cage memories came back, after Gadreel and particularly during the trials. He wasn't new to these feelings, but he never got used to them.

Maybe he would feel better after getting some sleep. He hadn't been lying when he said he was tired. He did feel tired.

He always felt tired.

However, Sam knew it wasn't going to go away with a nap, but sleeping sounded better than being awake in his head right now. 

Sam knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep naturally so he got up and walked to the bathroom. They had a stash of prescription meds in the bunker in case they were hurt on hunts, so Sam grabbed some pills that he knew would help him to sleep and swallowed them dry. He quickly made his way to his bed before collapsing himself down onto it. Waiting for sleep to give him a break. 

* * *

"Did Sam say anything to you?" Inquired Jess.

"Just that he was fine", replied Dean.

"Well, maybe he is fine? I can't imagine that anyone would be fine after what he went through, but from what you've told me, he's used to going through a lot. Maybe he is okay", said Jess. Dean could tell from Jess's tone that she didn't really believe her own suggestion.

"No, he's not okay. He just feels like he has to be", stated Dean.

"Did he mention Mary?" Wondered Cas.

"He just said that I didn't have to cut her off. That she was my mom and I didn't have to cut her out because of him", sighed Dean.

"God, I could only imagine how he must feel. If my dad had been in that situation and chose me, it would have killed me", added Jess.

"I understand that Mary has hurt Sam, but Mary does love him", offered Cas.

"She hasn't really shown that", said Dean.

"I know that Mary isn't your favourite person right now, but maybe it would help if she came here? If she explained things to Sam and let him know that she was here and that she cared, maybe it would help?" Suggested Jess.

"Having Mary here won't help. He'll just forgive her and end up feeling guilty for feeling bad about what happened. We're the one's who need to help him", insisted Dean. 

"Okay then, that's what we'll do", agreed Jess.

* * *

Dean, Cas, Jody and Jess were all hanging out in the war room. Sam had been asleep for a couple of hours now and Jody had returned from the food run. She'd also picked up some alcohol and the four of them sat around the table drinking and sharing stories. Jody shared cop stories, Cas heaven stories, Jess childhood stories and Dean hunting stories.

They relaxed and laughed at their friends' anecdotes until Dean realised that he had an opportunity. Being able to hear Jess's stories was an amazing opportunity for Dean because she spent years with Sam when the two of them were separated. So much of his brother's life in the years he'd left for college, we're a mystery to him. After Jess's death, Sam hadn't wanted to talk about it much and it felt good to be able to hear about a time when Sam was safe, in love and happy, so he steered the conversation back to his brother. 

"What was Sam like in college?", asked Dean, "For a lot of kids, college is all about the partying, but that's not Sam".

"Yeah, that wasn't Sam", laughed Jess, "For Sam, it was all about the education. At first I wondered if he had some super intense family that put a lot of pressure on him to do well, but in the end I realised it was all him. One of the things I loved about him was his love of learning and knowledge. I loved the way he was unapologetic about it too. He didn't care that he was, sort of a nerd. I dragged him out a few times, but mostly it was school work or just the two of us, hanging out together. They were always the best times. Sam and I, in our apartment, watching some crappy movie together".

"He's still like that. When it comes to researching for a hunt, he gets really into it. When we first found the bunker, it was like heaven to him with the amount of information they have. He's still a huge dork", smiled Dean affectionately, "Although, apparently he's not a complete shut-in. He told me he did pot in college".

"That was right at the beginning, before we were together, but from what I hear, he ate a brownie and he was very dopey", laughed Jess.

"...Was he happy? It's just, it's my job to look after Sam. It's more than a job, he's the most important person to me and he was away from me for 4 years and anything could have happened...was he happy?" Asked Dean cautiously.

Jess paused, considering the question.

"I think so", nodded Jess, "I could tell that he missed you and it was clear that he was always haunted by something, but he was mostly happy. He pushed himself a lot. Sometimes he'd get so caught up in work that the only reason he'd eat or sleep was because I forced him to. He used to seem a little on edge and there were occasional panic attacks. His life at Stanford wasn't perfect, but I think he was content. He loved school and he always made sure I knew how much he loved me and how grateful he was to have me in his life. I think if he'd have had you in his life whilst he was at Stanford, he'd have been really happy".

"I'm glad he had you", smiled Dean. He hated thinking about the time they'd spent apart. He especially hated thinking about Sam hurt without him there, but Dean could picture Sammy's life with Jess and although Sam may have still had his own issues, it sounded like the closest thing to happy that Sam had ever been given.

The conversation between the friends turned back to lighter subjects as they laughed and joked with one another.

Jody was in the middle of trying to explain some joke to Cas when a bloodcurdling scream echoed through the bunker.

* * *

_Sam was trapped. He couldn't see anything, but he could hear and feel everything. His eye's were covered or maybe they were missing from his head, Sam wasn't sure. The only thing he was sure of was pain. There was so much pain._

_At some point, he was given his sight back. He was in an empty cellar with Toni, reliving the greatest hits from his time with her. He could take it. She couldn't break him._

_Toni glared at him intently, face directly in front of Sam's as she held a bloody blade in her manicured hand. Sam's eye's were wide in horror as Toni's face morphed into Ketch's. He felt his hands, shattering under the pressure of being crushed. He felt the white hot pain of a blow torch to his skin. He felt it all, all over again._

_Sam panted as his body worked hard to compensate for his injuries. His body ached to scream, to release some of the painful energy, but he couldn't make a sound._

_Ketch moved towards Sam, displaying a menacing smile as he playfully swirled a blade in his hand. Sam braced himself and Ketch aimed for the face. Instantly, blood flowed freely until it cascaded into his eye's and filled his vision with red._

_Sam couldn't see through the coat of blood, but Ketch's voice had disappeared. He could no longer hear the slight tapping of feet against the floor or the scrape of metal as Ketch chose his next toy._

_For a moment Sam thought that he may be safe._

_Maybe Dean had saved him._

_As the sticky blood began to clear, making his surroundings visible, Sam wished that he couldn't see. Because this couldn't be happening. He'd recognise it anywhere. He'd spent 5 times the amount of time here than he had done on earth._

_The cage._

_The cellar had gone and he was in the cage which meant one thing._

_Lucifer._

_The icy air bit his skin and the familiar smell of flesh, blood and sulphur drifted up his nose._

_Sam tried to scream and to struggle. He used every bit of the strength he had to try and escape, but it was fruitless._

_Lucifer stalked around Sam with his, all too familiar, sadistic grin plastered on his face._

_Lucifer began to torture Sam like he had all those years in the cage. After a while, Sam noticed another shadowy figure behind Lucifer. They walked round until they were side by side and she became visible to Sam._

_It was Mary._

_Sam felt tears fall down his face as Lucifer laughed. Mary, his mom, placed a hand on Lucifer's shoulder and planted a soft kiss on his cheek before gently pushing him forward towards Sam. Lucifer smiled gleefully as he continued to torture Sam, but this time, being directed by Mary. His throat ached from screams that were never voiced and his heart ached with betrayal. Lucifer crouched down until his piercing eye's were level with Sam's. Sam's breath caught in his throat and just as Toni's face had morphed into Ketch's, Lucifer's face melted into Mary's until she was the one tearing Sam apart._

_Sam wanted to scream. This time, not just because of the physical pain, but because of the mental wounds from seeing his own mom torturing him in the cage he'd spent too much time in._

_Suddenly, he was no longer muted and the screams he'd been dying to let out, burst from his mouth in an agonising roar as Mary continued to torture him._

* * *

Dean, Cas, Jody and Jess all scrambled to their feet without a word. They were intent on getting to Sam. They all knew that the scream belonged to him and he sounded like he was in agony. They were all ready to face off with a monster. So sure that something had to have gotten in to produce that sort of sound.

All except for Dean.

Dean wasn't expecting to see any monster. He had a feeling in his gut that the only monster's hurting Sam were the one's in his own head. 

He instincts were confirmed when they arrived in Sam's room to find him tossing and turning in his bed. His sheets were a tangled mess, his hair wet with sweat and sticking to Sam's forehead. Sam's face was scrunched up in a grimace and Sam was screaming. He just kept screaming with no breaks or stops. Screams echoed through the quiet walls as the onlookers stood helplessly.

Sam's cries stopped, only to be replaced with pleading and apologies. Dean decided to risk being punched by a disorientated and sleepy little brother, despite what their father had always taught them about not waking up someone in the throws of a nightmare. Right now, he didn't care.

"Guys, do you mind leaving? Sam will be embarrassed if he wakes up with everyone staring at him", asked Dean softly.

"Of course", nodded Jody in understanding. 

Cas and Jody left Dean alone with Sam. Jess looked hesitant to leave Sam, but followed them out. 

Once alone, Dean knelt beside his brother's bed.

"Sam? It's okay, Sammy. You're okay", soothed Dean as he softly shook his little brother's shoulder. Sam didn't awake straight away, it took a little bit of coaxing, but eventually Sam's eye's flew open. His eye's were wide and panicked, Sam panted as he took in his room. It seemed to take a while for Sam to get his bearings and realise that he was safe, in the bunker.

Once he did realise, his cheeks flushed and he quickly sat up. He avoided Dean's stare as he untangled his legs from the bed sheets.

"Was I screaming?", asked Sam quietly.

"Yeah", admitted Dean.

"Did everyone hear?", questioned Sam. Dean hesitated, knowing his brother would be embarrassed.

"I take that as a yes", sighed Sam.

"Don't stress it, Sammy. Everyone has nightmare's", reasoned Dean.

"Not everyone screams bloody murder", countered Sam.

"It doesn't matter, they're family...It sounded like a bad one. Was it about Ketch?" Wondered Dean.

"There were a few people; Toni, Ketch, Lucifer...mom", admitted Sam.

Dean winced.

"Want to talk about it?" Offered Dean. 

"No...but thanks", smiled Sam briefly. 

"I'm always here Sam", stated Dean.

"I know and I'm thankful, but right now, I don't want to hash it all out again", admitted Sam, "I do want to know what happened. The full story".

"Okay", conceded Dean.

* * *

Dean had filled Sam in on everything. From Jess taking him to hospital, Dean getting shot, Cas being stabbed, the group getting locked in the base, the help from the other elders and the full story about Mick and Hiram's death.

"We should give Mick a hunter's funeral", stated Sam.

"Already took care of him....you were out for a couple of days after Apphia healed you", explained Dean.

"I feel so stupid. I should have known not to go there and now two people are dead", sighed Sam.

"Sam, we've been through this, they used spells on you. You can't blame yourself for this", reasoned Dean.

"I should have been able to fight it", fretted Sam.

"You did nothing wrong, end of discussion", insisted Dean.

Sam raised an eyebrow at Dean, scrutinising him.

"It's not your fault either, by the way. What happened with Ketch and with me, that's not on you. I know what you're like and I know you take these things on your shoulder's, but you shouldn't. You got me out of there", said Sam.

"Not soon enough", grumbled Dean.

"I'm alive, aren't I?" objected Sam as he rolled his eye's.

"Because of Apphia, not me", argued Dean.

"I would never have gotten out of there in the first place, if it wasn't for you. So quit it with the guilt", instructed Sam.

"You're really lecturing me on healthy emotional reactions?" scoffed Dean.

They both laughed and fell silent, both staring intently at inanimate objects.

"You didn't give Jess a hard time did you?", asked Sam, breaking the silence.

"Huh?", questioned Dean in confusion.

"The whole thing with the British Men of Letters and Jess originally working for them...you didn't blame her when I was gone or give her hard time did you?", questioned Sam.

"No, I didn't. I know that she didn't have the full information and those jack ass's lied to her, I don't blame her. Plus, she was pretty much on our side from the get go, once she realised you were a good guy. She was really cut up when we found you so hurt", said Dean, "Have you thought that maybe this could be your second chance?"

"Second chance?", frowned Sam in confusion.

"With Jess. There was a time when you were planning on settling down with her. You were going to have a normal life with her until she died and now she's back and I think she still loves you and I think you still love her", proposed Dean.

"No, I haven't wanted that life in a long time Dean and I'm not leaving you and Cas", replied Sam. 

"It's not like it was back then, I'm not going to stop talking to you if you want to go off with Jess and make a life for yourselves. We'll still be brothers and you're not denying that you love her", pointed out Dean.

"I don't think I ever really stopped loving her and there'll always be a part of me that does, but too much has happened. It's been years and I'm not the same person anymore. If she know's what's good for her, she'll leave and not look back. I'd only end up getting her killed again. Beside's, us? This place? It's my life and I don't want to give it up", explained Sam.

"Fair enough, it's not like I want you to leave, I just want you to be happy, but I'm glad you're sticking around, Sammy", smiled Dean, "Now, enough of this mushy crap. I think we should pick up some movies and have a marathon with the other's. Stock up on popcorn and candy and do nothing but relax for a few days".

"We can't, we have to work", protested Sam.

"You know what? We'll get back to work, we will, but right now I just want to spend some time relaxing with my family, in a situation which doesn't involve one of us almost dying. So we're having a movie marathon and that's the end of it", grinned Dean.

"Okay", agreed Sam with a smile.

* * *

"So, we need supplies", announced Dean.

"I just went out and got food", exclaimed Jody.

"Yeah, but that wasn't a run for movie supplies. We need pie, popcorn, peanut M&M's, red vine's, Reese's cups, Cheetos's and probably a whole bunch of other things that I've forgotten to mention", insisted Dean.

"Fine, but I'm going to prepare some actual food for those of us who don't want to rot our inside's", laughed Jody as she walked away.

"I'll go", offered Sam.

"You always forget the pie", complained Dean.

"I promise that I won't forget the pie", laughed Sam.

"Okay then, don't be long. I'm going to set up a TV in a bigger room", told Dean. 

"See you soon", waved Sam.

Sam was glad that Jody, Jess and Cas were in the kitchen because he didn't want anyone to come with him to the store. He needed to do something and he needed to do it alone.

* * *

Sam leaned against the hood of the impala, parked only 15 minutes away from the bunker. He stood lost in thought, but the rumble of a car engine brought him back to the present. The car came to a stop near the impala. 

Sam felt his chest tighten as he saw Mary climb out of the car. 

Sam had called her and asked her to meet up with him. He need to talk to her because he was going crazy thinking about everything that had happened. He'd considered talking to Dean about it and maybe asking Mary to come to the bunker, but he knew Dean would never go for it. Dean hated Mary for ever allowing Sam to come into harms way and Sam knew Dean wouldn't budge on it.

Mary walked up to Sam cautiously, her face full of guilt and apprehension. 

She looked as though she was going to hug Sam, but hung back, nervously. 

"Sam, it's good to see you. I was so worried about you", began Mary. 

Sam didn't reply. He began to wonder if he'd made a mistake because he had no idea what to say to her or why he was even doing this.

"Sam, I want to talk, to explain. I miss you boy's. Can we go somewhere? A diner maybe?" Pleaded Mary.

"I can't. I have to pick some food up for Dean, I can't stay out long", breathed Sam quietly.

"Okay, but we can talk here? You rang me, you must have wanted to talk", pointed out Mary.

"I think it was mistake", said Sam quietly.

"Sam, I know I hurt you and I'm going to have to live with that for the rest of my life, but I love you", insisted Mary.

"Do you?" Choked Sam. He felt a little childish for saying it, but he couldn't help it.

"Of course I do!" Exclaimed Mary.

"You haven't done much to show that, mom", whispered Sam.

"Sam...", began Mary.

"No mom. I stood up for you. Dean saw how you were acting from the start and I defended you. I thought 'this is hard on her, we should cut her some slack', but did you ever stop to think about how hard this was for us? When you died, dad put way too much on Dean. Dean always tried to look after me and he was just a kid himself, but he didn't get to be one. I had demon blood in me because of the deal you made. I grew up knowing that there was something dark in me. I grew up feeling like I was nothing because I could never be as good as Dean or dad because I was tainted. I always felt so alone because I knew there was something wrong with me and the way dad treated us...It may have been hard for you to come back after 33 years gone, but those 33 years were harder for us, mom. My girlfriend died. Jess, the girl who I wanted to marry and have children with, died. I died and Dean sold his soul for me. Dean went to hell for me. He was tortured in hell, mom. He deserved so much better than that. I couldn't save him. Instead, I ended up accidentally started the apocalypse. I went to hell to stop it from happening and was tortured by Lucifer. I lost my soul, Dean lost the woman and child who became his family, Dean went to Purgatory. We lost everyone we ever cared about. When you were in heaven, we were down here, taking hit after hit. Then you come back and it's the best thing I could have ever wished for. Dean and dad shared their grief over you, but I didn't know you. It isolated me from them and I spent my entire life wishing that I knew you. Now I do know you, but you still don't know me because you never took the time to get to know me. You left us both and it hurt Dean so badly. I accepted it because I thought it was better to have you around, even at a distance, than not have you around at all and then when you started to work for them...it hurt like hell to know that you were okay with working with the people who tortured me. I forgave that too, and I worked with those bastards because I thought if I did, we could all be a family afterwards", laughed Sam bitterly.

"Sam..", interjected Mary.

"No. I'm not finished", objected Sam, "You hardly even called or text and when you did, it was always Dean. You never bothered to call me. Then you sold me out to Ketch and Harrison. You can tell yourself it was for dad or for us, but it was for you! Even after all of that, I still tried to defend you to Dean. Everyone makes mistakes, that's what I kept telling myself. I've made more than most, but all of the mistakes that Dean and I made, we made trying to help. We always tried to do the right thing and sometimes it ended up being the wrong thing, but we always tried. You didn't try, mom. The things you did, they weren't mistakes, they were choices. I keep trying to make excuses for you in my head because I was so desperate to have a mom, but do you have any idea what if feels like to hear your own mother choose for you to die? I know it was an impossible situation and I'm glad that you didn't choose Dean because he doesn't deserve that. Dean doesn't deserve to be hurt, he deserves to be happy so I'm glad you didn't pick him, but you broke my heart, mom. I didn't want you to choose Dean, but I didn't want you to choose me either. You're a hunter, why didn't you choose to fight? Why didn't you fight for us? I almost died. Dean and Cas almost died. Even after all of this, I still had to be the one to call you... I guess I just needed to see you and get this out, because I'm finished making excuses for you. I'm done letting you treat us like crap because I'm so desperate to have a relationship with you", admitted Sam as tears slipped from his eye's. 

"Sam, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt either of you! I've just been so lost and confused, I stopped seeing things clearly and I let you both down, but I promise that I never meant to. You need me Sam. You both do, I'm your mom", pleaded Mary.

"No. I need Dean. I need Cas, I need Jody, I need Jess. We need our family and friends, but we don't need you. We've gotten this far without you. I'm not trying to hurt you mom and I forgive you, I'll probably always forgive you, but I can't keep doing this. I'm not going to keep trying. You're off the hook, you don't have to pretend to care about me anymore", finished Sam as he turned away. Sam had to force himself to ignore Mary's devastated expression and the guilt in his stomach.

Before he could take back everything he'd said, Sam jumped back into the impala before driving away from the woman he'd spent his entire life wanting know. 

* * *

Sam arrived back at the bunker, carrying three packed carrier bags of crappy food. He was feeling kind of mushy and thankful towards his brother, so he'd not only remembered the pie, but also brought several different flavors of pie that were Dean's favourites. He'd also gotten almost every variety of candy that the store had, along with popcorn and ice cream.

"I'm back", announced Sam.

Dean walked through looking proud of himself.

"The kitchen has now been transformed into a cinema area", grinned Dean.

"What?" questioned Sam.

"Well, I figured, where better to make a movie room than in the kitchen, right where all the food is? I've set up a TV in there and set out chairs, pillows, blankets and pretty much anything I could find that was comfy, so now it's a cool lounging area. I also brought in a couple of lamps so we could get some better lighting while we watch the movies", grinned Dean proudly.

"Great and you'll be glad to hear that I remembered the pie", laughed Sam.

"Jeez, is there anything you didn't bring back?" asked Dean.

"Are you complaining?" 

"No, I'm just impressed...maybe we are related after all", joked Dean.

Sam and Dean walked through to the kitchen where Sam dropped the bags onto the kitchen counter. Sam inspected the area that Dean had set up for the movie.

"Not bad, but we should probably pick a room in this place and make it into a living room. We've lived here long enough", suggested Sam.

"I'm with you", agreed Dean as he emptied the carrier bags, "Sam, you've bought 5 different flavor pie...You're my hero right now".

"Don't thank me for contributing to your sugar addiction. I'm an enabler", laughed Sam, "Where's Jody, Cas and Jess?"

"They're in the library. I told them that I could handle it in here", explained Dean.

"Good, because I have to tell you something", admitted Sam.

"That doesn't sound good", mumbled Dean.

"I met up with mom", blurted out Sam.

"You did what? Sam, why? I thought we agreed that we were done with her", groaned Dean.

"We didn't agree, you did. Beside's, I didn't go to hug it out. I just needed to talk to her", stated Sam.

"Okay, how did that go?" wondered Dean.

"I don't know, I might have been a little harsh", fretted Sam.

"What did you say?", inquired Dean.

"I kind of just unloaded on her. It wasn't my intention when I called her, but I just...it all just came pouring out. I told her that she hadn't acted like a mother and that she basically ruined our lives when she made that deal. I told her that I spent so long making excuses for her behaviour because I was so desperate for a mom, but that I was done. That I was done with her and that I didn't need her", grimaced Sam.

"That doesn't sound harsh to me, it sounds like the truth and honestly it's about damn time. It bugged me how you seemed so willing to let her treat you like crap. I'm glad you stood up for yourself", offered Dean.

"You should have seen her face, Dean. She looked crushed", sighed Sam.

"How many times has she crushed us since she came back?" reasoned Dean.

"I know, I just didn't mean for it to all come out like that. She's all alone, you know? I have no idea why I wanted to see her, but that wasn't the plan", frowned Sam.

"Hey, stop beating yourself up over this. You haven't done anything wrong, she did and if she can't deal with being called out on it, that's her problem", argued Dean.

"Okay", nodded Sam.

"So, do you feel like talking now?" asked Dean.

"What's there to talk about? It's nothing we haven't dealt with before", shrugged Sam.

"Quit it, Sam. You went through a lot, you're allowed to be bothered by that", objected Dean.

"What do you want to hear? That it sucked? That it was agony? That it took me back to the cage and there are still moments that I almost forget that I'm out? That those seconds make it's hard for me to breathe? That I'm tired of this crap happening all the time and I'm not sure if I can keep doing this? Fine, it did, but I don't see how talking about is going to change anything. I just need a little while to move past it again, but I will", insisted Sam with a frustrated edge to his voice. Dean thought the frustration was more at himself then it was at Dean.

"I know you will, just don't shut us out, okay?" asked Dean.

"Okay", agreed Sam, "You know that I didn't want her to choose you, right?"

"You mean mom?"

"Yeah, I told you that I got worked up with mom, but I don't want you to think that I'm mad at her for choosing me or that I wanted her to choose you because I didn't", explained Sam.

"I know that, of course I know that", exclaimed Dean.

"I just feel really weird about it. I feel so hurt and angry about it, but it doesn't make sense. When I was in that chair, I was praying for her to pick me so you didn't die. I wanted her to pick me instead you, so why should I feel so bad about this?", questioned Sam.

"Because she did something hurtful and unforgivable. I didn't want her to pick you either, but if she'd have picked me, it would have killed me. At the end of the day, she shouldn't have picked either of us. She's our mom, shouldn't she have some maternal instinct to protect us? She should have delayed until I got free or gone down fighting before doing what she did", said Dean.

"Okay. I don't know what's with me, Dean. The spell the British Men of Letters did should be gone, but I still feel so...lost. It feels so bad and I can't shake it off. I just want to crawl out of my head. I'm just...weak", admitted Sam quietly as tears welled up in his eye's.

"You're a lot of things, Sam. Like nerdy, weird, pain in the ass, but weak is definitely not one of them. You're the strongest person I know. Most people wouldn't get out of bed in the morning if they'd gone through what you have. Maybe you having trouble shaking it off because you don't just shake these things off. You have to allow yourself to deal with them properly. Struggling, or being depressed about this stuff is allowed. It just takes time, but you'll be fine, you'll see and you've always got me", promised Dean.

"Thank you", stated Sam.

"What for?" frowned Dean in confusion.

"Saving me", expanded Sam.

"Always, Sammy", smiled Dean emotionally, "Now, let's get the other's in here and watch some movies".

* * *

"We need to agree on something to watch", acknowledged Jody. 

"Sammy, don't you dare say Star wars", warned Dean.

"You love Star Wars!", protested Sam. 

"Yeah, but you've literally made me watch it about a thousand times", groaned Dean.

"I think we should watch something a little light, nothing too intense", suggested Jody.

"No chick flicks!" Argued Dean.

"What's wrong with chick flicks?" Frowned Jess, " Sam and I watched 'When Harry met Sally' together in college and Sam loved it".

"When Harry met Sally?" Questioned Dean with a grin and quirked eyebrow at Sam. 

"You have no right to judge me on my movie preferences! One word; Dory", reminded Sam.

"Dory?" Questioned Jody 

"As in finding Nemo, as in Disney", laughed Sam. 

"I'm not ashamed of that. Animated films are an Art form and that fish is awesome", stated Dean.

"I knew you were into animated films, Dean, but not that kind of animated films", teased Jody.

"What does that mean?" Wondered Jess with a curious grin.

"Well Dean has a thing for anime porn", laughed Jody.

"Thanks Jody, is there anyone who doesn't know that?", sulked Dean. 

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about Dean, each to their own", laughed Jess.

The group went on joking around and attempting to pick a movie for another hour. Finally, with some hesitation, they all agreed of the Godfather trilogy. Not exactly light and fluffy, but a classic. 

They got comfy on the seated area that Dean had set out for them and began watching. 

* * *

Sam had fallen asleep at some point during the third film. He woke up when he felt a light pressure over him. His eye's slid open. Jody was covering Sam and Jess with a blanket and was now carefully doing the same for Dean. Sam noticed that Jess's head was resting on his chest. Before he'd fallen asleep, they were sitting next to each other, but at some point whilst they were sleeping, Jess had ended up with her head on his chest and was fast asleep. Sam wasn't sure what to do. He moved slightly and she began to stir so he froze again.

Sam looked at Jess, her hair had fallen over her face and had tangled around her neck. Being careful not to jostle her, Sam swept her hair from her face and tucked into behind her ear and out of the way.  

"Thanks baby", mumbled Jess almost incoherently. Sam smiled sadly. It was almost like muscle memory with the two of them. They knew that a lot had changed in the past 12 years, but their bodies and subconsciousness hadn't quite caught up yet. 

"You okay, Sam?", whispered Jody.

"Yeah, I'm good", replied Sam.

"Sorry if I woke you", offered Jody.

"No, it's okay. I was waking up already", smiled Sam.

"It's gotta be weird for you", said Jody, "Having Jess back. I'm mean, awesome, but weird".

"Yeah, I mean it's been 12 years. It was so long ago and so much has happened. I kind of feel like the guy I was at 22 doesn't exist anymore. Jess being back now feels strange because I left that life behind me, but I'm glad she's back. I wished for this for so long after she'd died and she's here. She's an amazing person. She deserves to be happy", explained Sam.

"You deserve to be happy too, kid", added Jody. 

Sam paused, "You're an amazing mom, Jody. Claire and Alex are lucky to have you on their side".

"That's sweet, but I'm not sure they'd agree with you 100% on that. I'm not perfect", smiled Jody.

"They love you. It's clear with Alex and it was pretty damn clear when we met Claire on a hunt, a few weeks back. You gave them a second chance", countered Sam.

"They gave me a second chance too", acknowledged Jody, "So, what about you? Think you could get a second chance? With Jess?"

"No, I'll always love her, but too much has happened. I'm not good for her", sighed Sam.

"Jess seem's like she can take care of herself", pointed out Jody.

"She can, but I've tried the whole 'normal life' thing before and it never worked out. My life is here with Dean", reasoned Sam.

"Why does it have to be either, or? Jess is a hunter now, she could move in here with you guys. You could be with Jess and still live here with your brother", suggested Jody.

"People around me get hurt and I've already hurt her enough", whispered Sam.

"Look, if you don't want to be with Jess, that's fine, but make sure you're turning this down because you don't want it to happen and not just because you're afraid of what could happen if you did", advised Jody. 

"Did I ever mention how awesome you are?", grinned Sam.

"No enough", laughed Jody.

"Well, you are"

"I'm glad you're back, Sam. You had us all a little scared back there", stated Jody.

"Yeah, I think Dean might have had something to say if I'd have died on him", joked Sam.

"Dean wouldn't have been the only one. We all love you, kid. Even Mary, I know it may not seem like it, but she loves you Sam", offered Jody.

"I think she loved the 6 month old version of me that she knew, the current version of me is the one I'm not so sure about", admitted Sam.

"Mary has messed up a lot with you boy's, but being a mom isn't like what they show you on TV. Not everyone has this instinctive maternal bone that guides them along. Some find it harder. Some make mistakes and I'm not saying this for her sake, I'm saying it for yours. The situation with Mary has nothing to do with you boy's. The things she has done, has no reflection on you, just on her", promised Jody.

"Thanks, Jody", smiled Sam. 

* * *

"Dean, I want to hunt. I'm completely fine", argued Sam.

It had been two weeks since they had stormed the British Men of Letters base. Jody had returned home to Claire and Alex after spending 4 days with the boy's. She'd left, making the boy's promise to call her regularly and giving her number to Jess, too. Jess was still staying in the bunker. The British Men of Letters had provided accommodation for her when she was working for them, but now she had no where to go. Sam, Dean and Cas had convinced her to stay in the bunker, at least until she'd figured out her next move.

None of them had hunted in the two weeks since they'd come back home. Dean had insisted that they take some down time to regroup, but Sam wanted to get back to normal.

"Sam, we deserve a break. We've been through enough and given enough to deserve a few weeks off", reasoned Dean.

"We've tried this before, right after the whole 'demon Dean' thing and we weren't very good at it then either. Time off is good, but this is what we do. I'm not saying that we start trying to stop some earth ending monster, I'm just suggesting that we work simple cases. Your everyday vengeful spirits and vamps. Plus, we do need to get thinking about the situation with Kelly", reminded Sam.

"If you're hunting, I'm coming with you", stated Jess.

"We're not hunting", insisted Dean.

Their debate was interrupted by a rapping on the large metal door. All the members in the bunker were on alert. Cas took out his angel blade and the other's took out their guns. 

"I'm pretty sure a monster wouldn't politely knock on our door", pointed out Sam.

"Yeah, but not taking any chances", agreed Dean. They climbed the stairs and held their guns ready, as Dean cautiously opened the door.

Standing in the doorway was Mary.

She looked curiously at the guns, "I just want to talk", she explained.

They put their guns away, but the tension in their shoulder's didn't disappear.

"We have nothing to say to you" stated Dean, his voice cold and detached. 

"That's okay, you don't have to say anything, I can do all the talking", bargained Mary.

Sam and Dean exchanged apprehensive looks before Sam shrugged his shoulders. 

"Whatever", bit Dean as he and Sam turned and walked down the steps. It wasn't exactly a warm welcome, but they'd left the door open behind them so Mary took that as a win.

Along with her son's, Cas and Jess were waiting in the war room.

Jess's expression was furious.

It was obvious that she was only, just about, managing to keep her anger under control. 

Cas was a different story. His expression appeared to be a mix of sadness, anger and understanding. 

Cas was angry and disappointed in Mary for what she had done, but his own mistakes were never far from his mind. He'd betrayed them both and hurt Sam. He understood the regret and the need for redemption after that, but that wasn't entirely the same. For one, Mary was their mother and that made it sting that much more. Cas was also trying to save everyone, but somewhere along the way he'd become so delusional as to what was right and wrong. Mary was trying to save herself. She was considering herself, not her son's or the greater good. So Cas was angry too, but he couldn't help, but feel a little empathy towards Mary. However the empathy he felt for Mary, wasn't close to the amount of empathy he felt for Sam and Dean. 

"So, talk", demanded Dean.

"Okay, I know I hurt you both and I know I haven't been the best mom to you", began Mary.

"Understatement of the year", scoffed Jess.

"You're right, it doesn't make the mistakes I made justice. What I did was unforgivable and I don't blame you for being angry at me", stuttered Mary.

"Angry? You think we're angry. Angry doesn't even cut it", interjected Dean, "I hate you. You're my mother and I hate you. I never, ever thought that I'd say that about you. I spent my childhood wishing that you'd come back and you have and now I hate you. We spent a long time blaming Dad for all the bad things that happened to us, but then we found it that all started with you and that deal you made. The deal you made that cursed Sammy and set off a chain of events that hurt us. You ruined our lives before we were even born, but even after that, I still got it. I know what it's like to make decisions to save the one's we love, but actually end up hurting them instead. So I forgave you instantly and if you'd have been better when Amara brought you back, everything probably would have been okay. But it wasn't okay because you just kept disappointing us, mom. Again, we forgave you, but I can't forgive this. You sold us out. You sold Sam out. You allowed him to be captured by people who'd already tortured him once. Then you told Harrison to kill him. I don't care how difficult of a situation it was, I don't care how hard it was for you, you shouldn't have done it! You should have fought! Instead, you hurt Sam again. You figured damning him and ruining his life before wasn't enough, huh? Thought you'd twist the knife a little bit more? He was the one who always tried to understand you. Out of everyone, he's the one who has the most right to hate you and yet he always tried to defend you. To excuse you. And you hurt him mom. You hurt Sammy. You might not know us all that well now but, if there's anything  you need to know, it's that Sam is everything to me and it works both ways with us. We've messed the world up trying to save each other more than once. I can forgive a lot, but when it comes to Sam, you hurt him and it becomes a hell of a lot harder to forgive you. Sam, Cas and I are a team. And that includes Jess now if she wants it to. You put us all in danger, so now I can't trust you. Honestly, I can't even look at you. Sam nearly died. He would have died if it hadn't have been for Apphia. His blood is on your hands!", interrupted Dean angrily. Half way through, the venom in Dean's voice changed to pain.

"I know that, Dean. Believe me when I say that I can barely live with myself right now. I'm not trying to make excuses. I was selfish, I was wrong and I did a horrible thing. But you have to believe me when I tell you both that I love you. I love you both so much. If Sam hadn't survived, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. I made a bad call and I didn't try hard enough. I let you down and I know I can never make that up to you, but it isn't going to stop me from trying. I'm going to change, I really am. I'm going to try and show that to you, every day of the rest of my life. I don't care if it takes me forever, I'm never going to stop trying to show you how sorry I am. I'm going to keep calling, texting and showing up every day. I will show you that I love you. I'm not the mother that you deserve. I did what was easiest because it was easier than facing the two of you and the lives that I had stolen from you, but I'm not going to take the easy route anymore. So you can be mad at me, I get it, but I'll never stop trying", swore Mary.  

Sam and Dean stood wordlessly. Neither really knew what to say. 

Mary stepped forward cautiously and wrapped her arms around a rigid and reluctant Dean.

"My perfect boy. Thank you for taking care of our boy and for trying to keep him safe. I love you and I'm sorry", whispered Mary in Dean's ear.

She stepped behind Dean to Sam. He was hanging back, just behind Dean like a worried little boy. A couple of tears were running down his face and he sniffed irritably as if he was angry at himself. His expressive eye's were wide and broken.

Mary hated that she had put that look on her son's face.

She held her arms out slightly and gripped Sam as she had Dean. She put her hand on the back of Sam's head. 

"Sammy, my sweet baby. I'm so sorry that I hurt you. You don't deserve any of this. You were supposed to be happy and safe. Despite everything you've been through, you're an amazing man. I'm proud of you" whispered Mary as her voice shook through tears. 

She looked at Jess, who still looked annoyed, "In another life, I'd have been so happy to welcome you into the family as Sam's wife. College and a woman like you, that's exactly what I wanted for them".

She hugged Cas too, who was taken aback by the gesture.

"I always used to tell Dean that he had angel's watching over him. I'm so glad it was true. Thank you for looking after my boy's. They're lucky to have you in their lives", smiled Mary warmly. 

She stepped back towards the steps with tears glistening, "you don't have to say anything now, but I meant what I said. I'm never going to stop trying", promised Mary. 

She turned away and walked out the door, just like she had all those weeks ago, but unlike back then, they were both sure that they'd see her again very soon.

* * *

After Mary's impromptu visit, Sam had relented about staying away from hunting for a few more day's. Cas had left. He wanted to find Kelly and the Nephilim. He had promised to keep in touch and ring them the instant he had news. Sam and Dean had agreed to help him with the Nephilim as soon as he had a lead, but until then, they were still laying low. The truth was, they were both emotionally spent and needed to spend time in their home with each other to move through it. 

Jess was still there and still at a loose end. Sam was happy to have her around, but he couldn't help but notice that she seemed a little lost. 

One day, Dean had gone to fill the impala up with gas and it left Jess and Sam alone.

Jess was swirling her food around her plate absent-mindedly.

"You okay?" Asked Sam.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You're the one who's been through hell", reminded Jess.

"It hasn't exactly been a walk in the park you either", pointed out Sam.

"I'm good baby...sorry. Reflex", blushed Jess. 

"It's okay. In some ways, our life together feels like a lifetime ago, but it also feels like no time has passed at all" smiled Sam.

"Tell me about", laughed Jess.

"Seriously though, if you need to talk, I'm here. Everything that you thought to be true since you were brought back, has been turned on its head. Before you had a clear focus and mission, not to mention a place to live and now it must be weird to be at a loose end all of a sudden. I'm here for whatever you need", promised Sam as he squeezed her hand affectionately.

"Thank you, you always did know just what I needed to hear", smiled Jess, "It's just, I have no idea what to do or even what I want anymore".

"The Jess that I knew always knew exactly what she wanted. Do you think that maybe you do know what you want, but it scares you? If that's the case, you're one of the strongest people I've ever met, Jess. You can do anything", reassured Sam.

"I'm still her, you know? I'm still the Jess you knew", said Jess.

"I know. You're still the amazing, brave, smart, caring, beautiful woman that I knew all those years ago", nodded Sam. 

"And you're still the man I knew back then too", smiled Jess.

"I don't feel like him anymore. Too much has happened. I'm... I don't know, damaged", admitted Sam.

"You're still him", insisted Jess, "You're my Sam. You're a little older and maybe a little bit more broken, but we're all broken Sam. All of us, God knows I am and if anyone has the right to be a little bit broken, it's you. You're still you, though. I can see it. You're still the best guy I ever met. The kindest, smartest and most handsome guy that I've ever known. Despite all you've been through, all of the unimaginable things you've had to experience, you're still you. I don't understand how you can still be so warm and gentle after everything. You're amazing Sam Winchester", proclaimed Jess with watery eye's. 

"You always did have the ability to make me feel like I was actually worth something", smiled Sam sheepishly.

"You're worth everything. Even after what happened with the fire, I don't regret one minute I spent with you. The time that we were together was the happiest time of my life. I wouldn't change a second of it", admitted Jess.

"I missed you", said Sam honestly.

"I missed you too", stated Jess as she leaned into Sam. She rested her head against his shoulder, Sam wrapped his arm around her and gently put his head against hers .

"I think I know what I need to do", breathed Jess.

"I know", nodded Sam.

* * *

The impala sat outside a suburban house. The house was unremarkable and looked identical to the others in the cul-de-sac. What made the house different were the people inside. 

Dean was leaning casually on the side of the car.

"See you soon and good luck", offered Dean before nodding to Sam and climbing back into the car.

Sam walked Jess up to the bottom of the walkway. 

"So, how are you feeling?", asked Sam sympathetically.

"Like a girl who's about to knock on the door of her father's house, who's thought she was dead for 12 years", laughed Jess nervously.

"I'm sure he'll just be happy that you're here", reassured Sam.

\-----------

Jess had talked things through with Sam. She needed to reach out to her family. After she'd been brought back, she'd been unable to go home. Partly because she didn't know how to explain it and partly because she didn't feel like she could go back to who she used to be after what she knew. Back then, she'd had a purpose. The British Men of Letters had given her something to focus on and now she was at a loose end. A part of her had always wanted to go back, but she'd been scared. Sam had helped her to find the strength within herself. Now she realised that even though she couldn't go back to who she used to be, it didn't mean she had to say goodbye to her completely. Sam and Jess had changed a lot since they were 22 year old kids, but they were still themselves and Jess was someone who valued family. Spending time in the bunker and seeing how Sam and Dean, two people who had lost so many loved one's, valued those around them, had made it that much clearer. So, with Sam's support, she'd tracked down her parents and here she was.

\-----------

"I hope so", smiled Jess.

"What are you going to tell them?" wondered Sam.

"I think I'm going to try the truth. They might think I'm crazy, but me coming back from the dead seems kind of crazy too", smiled Jess.

"Do you want us to wait outside in case you need us?", offered Sam.

"No, I think this might take some time, but I'll call you later and let you know how it went. I'll drop back into the bunker in a couple of days...I'm mean, if you want me to", stuttered Jess.

"Of course I do, I'll look forward to it. Thank you...for forgiving me", added Sam shyly.

"There's nothing to forgive, it wasn't your fault and I'm sorry for ever thinking it was. I should be thanking you for forgiving me for abducting you", smiled Jess.

"Forgotten about. It's been inexplicably good to see you, for you to be back", admitted Sam.

Jess looked up at him fondly before leaning on her toes and leaning up to kiss Sam. The kiss felt amazing and it brought out feelings he hadn't felt in a long time. Even people who he'd thought he'd loved after Jess died, never really made him feel the way he felt with Jess. Jess had been the love of his life and when she died, a part of Sam had died too. Like a lost innocence. Relationships after that were never the same. Sure, there'd been people he'd cared about and perhaps even loved, but nothing ever compared to the all consuming love that he'd had with Jess that had made him want to marry her. He was feeling it again now and Sam didn't know whether to revel in those feelings or to run away from them. The love he'd felt for Jess all came rushing over him and it was the best feeling, but it also scared him. He'd already lost her once.

Far too quickly, it was over and Jess smiled at him, "I didn't cross the line...", worried Jess at Sam's slightly dazed expression.

"No, no, that was...amazing", laughed Sam.

"I missed that", laughed Jess.

"Where does this leave us?" asked Sam.

"I need to figure things out with my family, but I want to figure things out with you too, get to know you again? I think I'm still in love with you Sam, even after all these years. We could talk when I drop by the bunker in a couple of days?", suggested Jess hopefully.

"That sounds good and for the record, I think that I'm still in love with you too", told Sam.

"Okay, we'll talk", smiled Jess before kissing his cheek and turning to look at the house.

"It'll be okay", reassured Sam. Jess nodded and turned towards the path.

"Speak to you later", said Jess.

"Speak to you later", waved Sam as Jess walked down the path.

Sam tracked back to the impala. Jess was at the door and Sam could tell that she was terrified. She waved and Sam waved back, giving her his best reassuring smile before climbing into the impala.

As Dean pulled out, Sam saw the shocked face of Jess's dad as he answered the door.

"She said when she'll be in touch?" asked Dean.

"She's going to call later today and drop by the bunker in a couple of days", recalled Sam.

"Good. So, I couldn't help but notice the kiss back there", stated Dean with a grin on his face.

"We're going to figure things out when she drops by, talk things through, decide what we both want", shrugged Sam.

"It seemed pretty clear what you both wanted back there", smirked Dean.

"What are you? A twelve year old boy?", laughed Sam, "We both still have feelings for each other, but we're going to see what happens, get to know each other again".

"Well, that sounds very practical. It could be the right time, though. Think about it, you're both older and more mature, she's aware of our job and has the same job too and there's no secrets anymore. You don't have to keep the two lives separate. You deserve this, Sammy", insisted Dean.

"It took me a long time to get through her death", Said Sam quietly.

"I know, I was there and you went through hell, but she's back now", frowned Dean in confusion.

"I know that, but...if I got close to her again and something happened to her again, I'm not sure I could get through that again", admitted Sam.

"Nothing will happen to her, she's a capable hunter, she can handle herself and we'll look out for her", stated Dean.

"There's no guarantee in our lives and look at my track record. Most women who I've dated, have died. I'm a curse", argued Sam.

"That's crap, Sam! You're not a curse. Sure, you've had a lot of bad luck, but you're not a curse to women and no, there's no guarantee's, but that's not just our life. Life has no guarantee's for anyone, but you can't just walk around and avoid living your life. This is a second chance for you and you deserve to take it", promised Dean.

"Okay, I'll try not to let that influence me and I'll give this a chance with Jess", conceded Sam, "What about mom?"

"What about her?", asked Dean.

"What she said about trying with us. That she'll never stop trying to make things right, do you believe her?", wondered Sam.

"Does it matter if I do? It doesn't change what she did", reminded Dean.

"I know, it's just...she's still our mom, you know? She's family and I don't want you missing out on a relationship with her because of me", reasoned Sam.

"If I never spoke to her again, that would be on her, not you. You're not the reason I'm mad. It's not just about my loyalty to you. She let me down too, and she nearly took away the person who means the most to me. If I'd have lost you...", Dean trailed off.

"I know, I get it and if the roles had been reversed and she almost got you killed, I'd have hated her too, but she made a mistake and I think she's genuinely sorry. If there's a chance that we could get mom back, properly this time, wouldn't you want that?", asked Sam.

"I think it might be too late for that, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't wish things were different", admitted Dean.

"Me too, but she might be different now, she wants to try", stated Sam.

"How about this? We'll see how it goes, see if she actually sticks to her word? If she actually does try and sticks around to make things right, we'll keep an open mind, but one wrong move and that's it! No more chances! I'm not saying that things are okay and all is forgiven because it's a long way from that, but in time, if she does change, maybe there's a future for us that involves her", proposed Dean.

"Sounds like a plan", agreed Sam. 

"Even if she does transform into the world's best mom, it still won't be the same as what it could have been. The wounds she left might heal and fade, but there's always gonna be a scar. If she does do better, we might be able to form some kind of a relationship with her, but I'll never be able to trust her fully or let her in fully. Like I said, I'll give her a chance. Not right now though, I'm still not ready to let her back into our lives just yet, but eventually maybe she will have a place in our family. Whatever happens, I don't want any more of this talk about me missing out on having a mom because of you. No matter what, none of it is on you and if things are never right again with Mary, that's still not on you. Got it? I know what you're like. You've probably got it in that big freaky brain of yours that you're ruining my chances at a life with a mom or a life that's safe and loving or whatever it is that's going on with you, but listen to me when I say that, there is no life for me without you Sam. We're a team and I wouldn't exchange you for anything. I'd take everything that we've been through and do it all over again before I'd want to experience a world that doesn't involve you in it".

"Wow, Dean. Since when did you get so deep and meaningful. Have you been watching Dr Phil or Oprah again?", joked Sam, but the brotherly banter did not hide the emotion that was thick in Sam's voice from the gratitude that Sam felt towards his older brother. Dean glanced at Sam, smiling knowingly as Sam grinned back, eyes glistening. 

"We'll be okay though, even if things go south with mom", said Dean.

"I know", nodded Sam.

"We have a family. Cas, Jess, Jody, Claire and Alex, that's family. Those hunter's that dropped their own crap to help us, that's family. We have an amazing family. More importantly, we have each other and that's what matters most", stated Dean.

"You're right. I mean, maybe we could have done with having a mom around when we were kids. When we were alone and dad wasn't around for us, maybe we could have done with her then, but we're not kids anymore. We got through all of the hard stuff together and now we're adults and we don't need her. Sure, it might have been nice if things had gone differently when Amara brought her back, but we don't need her now. When you think about all of the crap we've been through, stuff that would have sent even the toughest of people to their knee's, we got through it. We got through trips to hell, possessions, deaths, apocalypse, psychotic breaks, turning into a demon, you name it and we got through it. We've lost so much and we've always managed to pull through. It may have been damn near impossible at times, but we did it. As long as we had each other, we've always gotten through it. The only time when crap truly hit the fan and we haven't been able to deal with things, have been when we haven't had each other. When we lost one and another. But together, we've managed to do the impossible. We just need each other", agreed Sam.

"Damn straight and I'm not letting any of us check out any time soon. We're in this together. We're a team", nodded Dean.

"You're getting soft in your old age", grinned Sam affectionately. 

"It's your effect on me", groused Dean. 

"You're right though", replied Sam seriously.

"Always am, Sammy. I know, as much as you try to hide it, that you're still hurting over everything that's happened recently and it's going to take time. It's not something you're going to get through over night and I don't want you to pretend to either. I need you to be honest with me about how you're feeling, even if it's bad, but no matter what, we'll get you through it. I'm here for you, Sam. You're my number one priority" offered Dean.

"Back at you", smiled Sam emotionally, "Like we've said, as long as we have each other, we'll be just fine".

"Exactly! Now, what do you say about meeting up with Cas and team free will-ing this whole Nephilim situation?" Suggested Dean. 

"Sounds good", nodded Sam before grinning, "maybe I should drive, I mean you're getting old now and we do want to get there sometime this week".

"Hey, no one can drive baby better than me...Bitch", grinned Dean.

"Jerk", replied Sam.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is. That was the final chapter and I know I left it a little open ended so I'm considering writing a sequel but right now, I'm focusing on The Grey. Hope you enjoyed it!


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